I am angry - yet another keeping-track-of-stuff-thread

[Neil_Boekend]

I have completely misread the original post. I am so so so sorry. Now I can not understand how I could have read it otherwise.
Firechicago's conclusion, however logical, is completely the opposite of my thoughts on the issue.
Medical reasons and practical reasons trump any cosmetic reasons.
I am sorry. The weird idea that skinny is beautiful just irritates me. Women who feel that they should loose weight for cosmetic reasons beyond what makes them feel comfortable just make me feel angry and that warps my perception.
I should not have posted.

[Weeks]

The weird idea that skinny is beautiful just irritates me.

Nobody cares.

I should not have posted.

Ever in this thread.

Hey, Weeks - leave being an asshole to the mods. - ST

[firechicago]

The weird idea that skinny is beautiful just irritates me. Women who feel that they should loose weight for cosmetic reasons beyond what makes them feel comfortable just make me feel angry and that warps my perception.

If you have beliefs about what constitutes an aesthetically appropriate weight for women that you hold so passionately that it warps your perception to the point that you are incapable of rationally listening to and understanding actual women talking about their weight...

then maybe that's an issue you ought to think about and work on, assuming you are committed to the idea that you owe women the same level of respect for their agency and experience as you would give to any other person.

[AngrySquirrel]

I have completely misread the original post. I am so so so sorry. Now I can not understand how I could have read it otherwise.
Firechicago's conclusion, however logical, is completely the opposite of my thoughts on the issue.
Medical reasons and practical reasons trump any cosmetic reasons.
I am sorry. The weird idea that skinny is beautiful just irritates me. Women who feel that they should loose weight for cosmetic reasons beyond what makes them feel comfortable just make me feel angry and that warps my perception.
I should not have posted.

Listen, I understand that you mean well. That's why I've taken a couple of hour break from this forum before responding properly to you. I'm guessing you think you are helping and nothing of this is said with ill intentions.

But intent is not magic, and in addition to the very good points firechicago is bringing up (seriously, read their posts, I really don't need your approval for my body shape). And in addition to the very long rant I could write about how the how concept of beauty as a way to measure people's worth is absolute bullshit (seriously, the whole "curvy is beautiful" is a massive misfire as it just shifts beauty standards around instead of doing something with the actual problem), I'm now going to write a long explanation of the third reason your posts are not in the right place at all.

So, basically, if you just want to be done with this issue, don't read what's in the spoiler below. I'll shut up and you'll shut up and we can all go our different ways. If you on the other hand want to understand another reason as to why I (and potentially others) might react quite harshly to your statements then this is going to be a quite rambly and potentially long explanation.

Spoiler:

So, what you might have noticed if you read more than just a skim of the intro post of this thread (or whatever it was you read before posting) is that I have an eating disorder (ED). ED's are not fun, they cause irreparable damage to your health and sanity, and kills people. You don't ever get "well" from an ED, you have times when you are better, and you have times when you are worse. I've been dealing with, what is more specifically called bulimia with a-typic anorexia, since I was around 15-16 years old. Basically this means I have periods of time when I don't eat anything at all, then when I do eat I eat a literal fucktonne and then throw up (purge). In my case this disorder has been caused by trauma, being ignored to the point of madness and growing up being physically and mentally abused to the point where my brain will only accept absolute perfection as "good enough" for me. My ED has never been about getting the approval of others, but always about punishing my body (with pain and hunger) for all my failures.

So, what's the point of this rather long explantion of ED's? There is one thing that is very important to know when dealing with people with ED's: Do not ever comment on how people with eating disorders look. Just don't. It does not matter what you say, because we're fucking nuts. If you're lucky, what you say will be taken as a sign that you're lying and will be nice only to get rid of us, if you're unlucky your comment will be taken as an ecouragement to keep acting even sicker. Mostly however, your well-intentioned comment will simply be twisted into something negative. "Some men like curvy women" turns into "you're fat*". "You look beautiful" turns into "you should keep up what you're doing now (negative actions) as it's working for you". "You're thin enough" turns into "you could be thinner". The only way to win with ED's is, as with nuclear war, to not play.

Now, I'm currently doing rather well in regards to my ED, so I can deal with this one comment without going absolutely insane, but please, read what you are responding to before you reply, especially when it comes to judgements on how people look.

*there is nothing wrong with being fat. Fat has an unfairly bad reputation. But when in the context of ED's it is a very tricky term to maneuver. So, sorry for using it with negative connotations. Fat acceptance go!

[Neil_Boekend]

Firechicago, what I meant was sort of a reversed confirmation bias. Instead of filtering the information to me for what I want to see I filtered it for what I feared to see. According to much research we all have confirmation bias, although we are rarely called upon it.
Despite that I have mulled your remark over last night. I have not found sufficient proof that it is not one of my flaws and that worries me a great deal. Thank you for calling me upon it in a nice manner.

AngrySquirrel, thank you for taking the time to explain to me how many reasons there were that I shouldn't have posted. I will keep them in mind.

And just to prevent worries: I will not post in Dear SB. No good would come from it.

[AngrySquirrel]

Moving on.

Competition got postponed until the 10th. Going training this week Monday, Tuesday and Thursday. Debating with myself whether I should go Wedensday as well or try to socialize instead.

Doing quite well on the eating part atm. Lost interest in soda (no cravings at all) and managed to get portion sizes down a bit. Gonna start on a batch of jerky today, will be good. Still not eating enough when not hanging around other people, but I'm getting better.

[AngrySquirrel]

Oh yea, I should probably have updated this long time ago. Got bronze mark now, so that's cool. Uhm, don't think I'll be competing anymore though as I'm getting paranoid over my memory. Wearing out sparringpartners, which is both a good sign that my constitution is quite good atm, but also bad cause, well, no more sparringpartners.

Hoping I can squeeze in 3-4 gym trips this week. Next week will be too busy for more than 1-2 trips.

Tried running again, bored out of my skull. Managed to start biking again, good thing.

habitrpg is good motivator for getting shit done. Haven't eaten anything this week though, bad thing. Fixing.

[AngrySquirrel]

Sometimes I work out and feel good. And sometimes I work out and realize that I'll never be able to do anything cool with my body, like leap buildings or punch out a building, and then I'm just very disappointed with being a human being.

[Nath]

Got bronze mark now, so that's cool. Uhm, don't think I'll be competing anymore though as I'm getting paranoid over my memory.

As in, repeated-blows-to-the-head-type concerns?

Also, congratulations on the bronze mark. What's a bronze mark?

[AngrySquirrel]

Got bronze mark now, so that's cool. Uhm, don't think I'll be competing anymore though as I'm getting paranoid over my memory.

As in, repeated-blows-to-the-head-type concerns?

Yea, I'm having trouble remembering people when I meet them, even if I should know them, it could just be good old regular "know too many people for my monkeysphere to handle", or it could be repeated-blows-to-the-head-related. Dunno really.

Also, congratulations on the bronze mark. What's a bronze mark?

Bronze mark is part of qualifying to be allowed to participate in full-contact competitions. You can compete in full-contact on a national level only if you have gold-mark. And to get gold you need bronze and silver first, to demonstrate that you are capable of fighting without being an ass about it and practicing self-control + constitution etc.

[Nath]

Yea, I'm having trouble remembering people when I meet them, even if I should know them, it could just be good old regular "know too many people for my monkeysphere to handle", or it could be repeated-blows-to-the-head-related. Dunno really.

Yeah, valid concern. My paranoia about repeated blows to the head is why I've gravitated towards grappling sports over striking sports. Though we have the whole repeated strangulation thing to deal with, so my guess is it's a what were we talking about again?

[Mighty Jalapeno]

Poppy: "Take care of your thinkyball!"

[AngrySquirrel]

Thinkyball caretaking check!

[Sungura]

Congrats on the medal, thats great!!!

[AngrySquirrel]

You know what I hate? Oatmeal porridge.

[AngrySquirrel]

Yea, I'm having trouble remembering people when I meet them, even if I should know them, it could just be good old regular "know too many people for my monkeysphere to handle", or it could be repeated-blows-to-the-head-related. Dunno really.

Yeah, valid concern. My paranoia about repeated blows to the head is why I've gravitated towards grappling sports over striking sports. Though we have the whole repeated strangulation thing to deal with, so my guess is it's a what were we talking about again?

My problem with strangling sports is that my back is utterly fucked, and I'm kind of tiny, so all I need for being out of comission for half a year is one bad training partner, or just one wrong move really.

Good thing: I'm getting quite good at keeping up the pace when sparring. Still missing a little bit when it comes to exhausting my sparring partner before the time is up, but I'm definitely getting there. Haven't been much to the gym lately due to summer holidays and there not being other people there to train with, but I'm running 2min sprint - 30 sec walk intervals whenever I've got some time to spare, and I'm feeling like that is having some good effects.

Heading out on my holidays tomorrow though, so will be limited on what I can do for the next two weeks.

[AngrySquirrel]

So I'm sick and it's been raining. Which is really racking up the guilty feelings for not moving about enough. Dunno if those are really logical or not, by they are there and that needs to be dealt with. Sigh. Coughing my lungs up isn't very good for motivation.

Went back to kickboxing today, summer break not really over, but there's some people showing up so getting some sparring done. I'm ok with keeping up with everyone stamina wise, but my balance is all wrong. Will hopefully correct itself soon.

Been doing 30 pushups, 30 situps, 30 deep jumps + 2 minute full split + 2 minute plank for every day the last 4 weeks or so, just to have something to do. So now I'm reasonable good at pushups, I guess.

[nightbird]

First post on this thread.

You mentioned that you dislike monotonous rope skipping... I've been doing this:

5 minutes continuous skipping - rest 60 seconds
5 x 60 seconds (sprint in place) - rest 30 seconds between intervals
5 x 30 seconds (sprint in place) - rest 15 seconds between intervals

Listening to music helps; I actually made a track with time in-time out beeps in it. I can upload it somewhere if you're interested.

PS Nobody forces you to eat porridge, hopefully. Just ditch it if you don't like it.

[AngrySquirrel]

Thanks nightbird, I'm currently doing a similar interval with the ropes and the skipping, only I try to stay moving for 2 minutes cause that's how long a round is.

The porridge thing is... well, it's the most practical meal when all the facilities you've got for cooking food is a water boiler and you need carbs fast. I generally don't like eating food so me whining about it is just that, whining.

Anyways, been walking a minimum of 10k steps every day for a month now (hey fitbit!) in addition to the 30 pushup, 30 situps, 30 deep jump + plank thing, and ofc regular training for 2 hours 3-5 times a week. Which is a good thing, and working out well. Condition vastly improved and weight down to 73kg.

On the bad side my asthma is back in full force and kicking my ass at regular intervals, + inflammation of one of my achillies tendons (at least I think that's what it's called) means a general level of grumpiness. Grumpy grumpy grumpy. Okay.

Oh weird thing, I get migraines every night as soon as I stop doing things. Very motivational for late night running.

[AngrySquirrel]

Blergh at plateauing. Working out like a crazy person, yet not getting any better at the kicking and the boxing. Highly frustrating. Keep getting told to move more, but no matter how much I move I still can't get in range of people, probably upping my rhythym from superfast to intensely fast would help, I guess. Like, I'm not even getting particularly exhausted anymore, I just can't go faster without stupid movements. Blergh.

[AngrySquirrel]

Below 70kg again. Currently working out about 5 times a week + instructing newbies on monday so I get in 3 workouts on those days.

Rope jumping is a very nice way to get warm fast, but damn it's hard to change weight from one foot to the other. Right goes okay, keeps smacking my toes everytime I switch to left one. Currently no noticable injuries, so that's a victory. Also I'm quite happy at my current weight. Like, I feel good. Working with a physical therapist to make my back stronger and generally better has fixed a lot of problems. Now to stay well for 5 more years so I can get insurance and we're good.