0237: "Keyboards are Disgusting"

[Pathway]

I have four exposed nipples... I can actually see the filth crawling beneath my fingers. It's quite disturbing.

[Pau!]

To make one, simply place thumb, index finger, ring finger and pinky on a table with palm of hand as high up as possible. Extend the middle finger into the air to make a head. Now bend all "leg"-fingers down and let your finger monster jump around a bit, like finger monsters should, and shout "Hapsiainen" over and over at the top of your voice.

As inane as it may sound, it's a wonderful pastime.

I am having SO MUCH FUN with this.

[SNAFU]

If you are going to quote me, at least quote me correctly.

[Isaac Hill]

I had a coworker with very flaky skin. His keyboard was no nasty, I had to vacuum it when he retired. Still, nobody wanted to use it, so it went in storage. Then, he came back as a contractor. Now he's at another keyboard no one else will ever touch.

I guess the point is, if you want to use Dvorak on public computers, have skin so flaky that nobody else will touch the keyboard.

[Rat]

I have four exposed nipples... I can actually see the fifth crawling beneath my fingers. It's quite disturbing.

[Frenchy]

I'd've fallen for that if I wasn't using a laptop

[jordan]

I just tipped my keyboard upside down and shook it to see how much filth was in it. For goodness sake: how in the world did a pubic hair get in there? Do I even want to know?


Pathway, you should have kept the word "silicon" in; it was much funnier that way.

[Jerf]

I once heard that an average keyboard is home to more bacteria than a toilet seat. I'm not sure if that's true, but it makes sense and it's quite a disturbing comparison.

It's only superficially disturbing. As long as you haven't got any "stickies" on the toilet seat, about which I will not go into any more detail, the toilet seat tends to be the cleanest thing in the house, almost without exception. The smooth ceramic surface leaves bacteria nowhere to hang out, and it tends to become a very dry surface very quickly, despite living in the bathroom. (I don't know about vinyl seats.) It's a very hostile environment for germs.

Thus, anytime you see anyone tell you "X is dirtier than your toilet seat!", put on your skeptics hat because you're being sold a line (although to be fair, often unwittingly). Everything you can think of is dirtier, unless you just bleached it, and depending on the topology of what you bleached on the microscopic scale, possibly still even then.

(This factors in to why public toilet seats are surprisingly safe and you just don't hear about anybody getting anything from them, to the point that I'd be skeptical of anybody popping up with "proof by experience" in a reply.)

There is a Mythbusters episode where they showed this. I wouldn't say they "proved" this, but it's consistent with what I'm saying here.

Getting back "on topic", your keyboard is as filthy as it looks, and I'd wouldn't be surprised if anybody who was actually fooled this way ended up with an eye infection. (I doubt it's inevitable, but I could see it happening.) That'll teach 'em up good.

(Of course, nobody really gets sick off of keyboards, either, excepting cold virus transmission that also works with all kinds of things like door knobs and stuff.)

[cephalopod9]

The keyboards in the school computer labs all have this groadi film on them. I can't really tell if most of the keys have just been worn smooth by uses, or it's all just nastier than nasty skin-oils build up, but usign them usually leaves me wanting to wash my hands repeatedly with bleach.

I've used make-up brushes to clean out my keys once or twice. There are a lot of crumbs under there. I think most of them are not food.

[pyg]

I use qwerty, and have appx 110wpm average (highest 135). Apparently dvorak may be damaging to your hands/wrists (I've heard the analogy that it's like trying to fire a long range missile at a neighbouring state or something)...did I get that right?

On a separate note, I somes times clean out the laptop keyboard with a paperclip during a boring lecture (I can get pretty large clumps of dirt/hair/dust!)

[EvanED]

I use qwerty, and have appx 110wpm average (highest 135). Apparently dvorak may be damaging to your hands/wrists (I've heard the analogy that it's like trying to fire a long range missile at a neighbouring state or something)...did I get that right?

Everything I've heard points to Dvorak being better at preventing RSI and increasing typing speed. There is some debate about how much it does each of those things, and I think the speed improvements are often overstated, but I haven't heard anyone actually claim that Dvorak is *more* damaging...

[gmalivuk]

Always be skeptical of bacterial count statistics, even if your toilet seat isn't one of the objects being compared.

They never mention what *kind* of bacteria are being counted. Some are completely harmless and others, such as those in your intestines, are necessary for proper functioning. Furthermore, having a high harmless bacteria count on some surface is one of the best ways to prevent a high nasty bacteria count, since under normal (i.e. not antibacterial-lotion-covered) conditions the harmless ones outcompete the other ones.

I remember reading one time about how your mouth has more bacteria in it than a dog's mouth. But is that reason to figure you're safer kissing dogs than healthy people? No, because the bacteria in your mouth are usually harmless or useful to you, and therefore shouldn't cause worry.

Dogs, on the other hand, often like to eat cat poop.

[fletch44]

This is an old livejournal post I made in 2005...
---------------------------------------------------------
Last night I dug out my old keyboard, the one I use for recording when I drag my computer to other locations, and decided to give it a good clean. It's about 7 years old, and has suffered greatly from my habit of eating at the computer, not to mention from the crappy environments inside most live music venues.

If you want to clean your keyboard, remember to take photos of where the keys go. It'll help, believe me.
Also, a hair dryer that works is a huge bonus. Mine would only give me cold air, and it took ages to dry the bits.

I was grossed out by how much dust, dog hair, crumbs and other crap has collected under the keys.

but now, I have a super clean, bright, shiny, more responsive keyboard. Isn't life awesome.


Before... eww.


Under the keys. Ewwwwwwww.


Which one goes where??


QWERTY. That's just the way I pulled them out of the tray, honest. How many roads must a man walk down?

I'm so bored.

[warriorness]

This topic inspired me to clean out my keyboard. I don't have any pics, but here's what came out of it (in addition to a bunch of dust, hair, crums, and... earwax?)

433333333333333333332222222222222222222222222222222222222222222`2O
\
,,,m,m./"?'''''''/;.lllllkkkkkkkmhjn
']'[[[[[[;pppookiiiijuhy[]==[-opppo=0000o9i8u8876y766G IKKIk ikIKIKI bbbbbggggggggggggggggggggggb tt5bbbbbbbbbbbv vvvvv cxcx5tttfcttffZttttrewwzwszAwCXCXDSSWR45E3W21`W2QQQQQQQ ` 1 2 11111111



654646546464646+++
666651654nnnnnnnnnnhhhhhhm

[ReptilianSamurai]

I use qwerty, and have appx 110wpm average (highest 135). Apparently dvorak may be damaging to your hands/wrists (I've heard the analogy that it's like trying to fire a long range missile at a neighbouring state or something)...did I get that right?

Everything I've heard points to Dvorak being better at preventing RSI and increasing typing speed. There is some debate about how much it does each of those things, and I think the speed improvements are often overstated, but I haven't heard anyone actually claim that Dvorak is *more* damaging...

I can only attest to one thing: I personally feel typing dvorak is much more comfortable and easier to do.

I was a very fast qwerty typist before I learned dvorak. I don't know if I'm any faster, but that's not what's most important here.

[ReptilianSamurai]

This topic inspired me to clean out my keyboard. I don't have any pics, but here's what came out of it (in addition to a bunch of dust, hair, crums, and... earwax?)

433333333333333333332222222222222222222222222222222222222222222`2O
\
,,,m,m./"?'''''''/;.lllllkkkkkkkmhjn
']'[[[[[[;pppookiiiijuhy[]==[-opppo=0000o9i8u8876y766G IKKIk ikIKIKI bbbbbggggggggggggggggggggggb tt5bbbbbbbbbbbv vvvvv cxcx5tttfcttffZttttrewwzwszAwCXCXDSSWR45E3W21`W2QQQQQQQ ` 1 2 11111111



654646546464646+++
666651654nnnnnnnnnnhhhhhhm

(emphasis added)

There was POO in your keyboard? Ewwwww

[warriorness]

yah d00d it wuz prty incredibel

Also, if you cat the output to /dev/dsp, and play it backwards, you can hear satanic messages!

[mikekearn]

The Mac keyboards are pretty nice for cleanliness. The keys pop off quite easily. Then just toss 'em in a bucket of soapy water, wash, wait to dry and pop them back on. Remember to take a photo first!

If you want to clean your keyboard, remember to take photos of where the keys go. It'll help, believe me.

What's with you people and taking a picture first? If you don't know where a key goes, then obviously it's not very important, and you should just toss it out anyways.

[fletch44]

I never remember which order the function keys go in...

[Puellus Peregrinus]

Also, if you cat the output to /dev/dsp, and play it backwards, you can hear satanic messages!

Why would you do that when you can use tac?
EDIT: obviously because tac only reverses the order of the lines.

I got a pretty nice text file when I plugged my keys back after I washed them.

[warriorness]

I never remember which order the function keys go in...

Alphabetical. duh

[German Sausage]

Always be skeptical of bacterial count statistics, even if your toilet seat isn't one of the objects being compared.

They never mention what *kind* of bacteria are being counted. Some are completely harmless and others, such as those in your intestines, are necessary for proper functioning. Furthermore, having a high harmless bacteria count on some surface is one of the best ways to prevent a high nasty bacteria count, since under normal (i.e. not antibacterial-lotion-covered) conditions the harmless ones outcompete the other ones.

I remember reading one time about how your mouth has more bacteria in it than a dog's mouth. But is that reason to figure you're safer kissing dogs than healthy people? No, because the bacteria in your mouth are usually harmless or useful to you, and therefore shouldn't cause worry.

Dogs, on the other hand, often like to eat cat poop.

also, what does the toilet seat touch? your thighs. that should not be gross, or have anything to do with poo.

[hermaj]

Speaking of bacteria, I get to see my precious little babies on Friday! We had to do scrapings from parts of our body and I did my front teeth. We will see how they have grown! *is excited*

I love me some bacteria. That should be pretty obvious already. <<<

[EvanED]

Always be skeptical of bacterial count statistics, even if your toilet seat isn't one of the objects being compared.

They never mention what *kind* of bacteria are being counted. Some are completely harmless and others, such as those in your intestines, are necessary for proper functioning. Furthermore, having a high harmless bacteria count on some surface is one of the best ways to prevent a high nasty bacteria count, since under normal (i.e. not antibacterial-lotion-covered) conditions the harmless ones outcompete the other ones.

I remember reading one time about how your mouth has more bacteria in it than a dog's mouth. But is that reason to figure you're safer kissing dogs than healthy people? No, because the bacteria in your mouth are usually harmless or useful to you, and therefore shouldn't cause worry.

Dogs, on the other hand, often like to eat cat poop.

slao, what does the toilet seat touch? your thighs. that should not be gross, or have anything to do with poo.

Toilet flushing causes a wonderful mist of bacteria-laden water droplets to form which travel for a surprisingly long distance and linger for a surprisingly long amount of time.

At least this is what I remember reading in probably Discover a few years back, along with things like in a bathroom with many stalls, the first is often the cleanest because everyone apparently assumes that everyone else uses it and so no one uses it.

[TheTankengine]

I just shook my keyboard upside down and it was clean as a whistle!
I think i've had it for about a month now, so I guess I should be pretty proud of myself.

*proud of myself*

[Nomic]

Speaking of bacteria, I get to see my precious little babies on Friday! We had to do scrapings from parts of our body and I did my front teeth. We will see how they have grown! *is excited*

I love me some bacteria. That should be pretty obvious already. <<<

We did thta in our school a while ago. We too samples from various places and cultivated them. Turns out the inside of one's nose is suprisingly clean, and the stuffed animals in our biology class have lots of bacteria. The mold that came from the dirt on my shoes seemed to kill most bacterias by producing penicilium or similar substance, tho.

[hermaj]

Yay, you could be the very next Jenner

Yeah I am excited about it, though gearing up to be mildly horrified. My lab partner did inside his ear and I am curious about that one. Tomorrow though I am extracting DNA, so there is that to be excited about too. I love my course!!

Also I have not actually contributed here! I am quite sure my keyboard is filthy underneath. The keyboard on my brand new laptop, however, is pristine.

[pyg]

At least this is what I remember reading in probably Discover a few years back, along with things like in a bathroom with many stalls, the first is often the cleanest because everyone apparently assumes that everyone else uses it and so no one uses it.

I just assume that the first one is the one everyone screws with and booby trap...since they think it's the one everyone uses.

[gmalivuk]

My prediction, hermaj, is that your mouthgerms will far outstrip most of the ones from elsewhere in/on people's bodies. Sure, most of the bacteria in there are harmless, but there's still a goodly number of them.

Let us know how it turns out.

[asomefrosh]

XKCD controls my life.
Yesterday I went home, finished my lab report, and began popping off all of my keys. My keyboard really wasn't all that disgusting inside. I was disappointed. However, there was plenty of green glitter. That glitter was everywhere...
After washing they keys and Q-tipping the grime off the board I began popping the keys back on in Dvorak layout. Only to realize that my F and J keys are shaped differently. So right now I have sideways U and H keys... It's not working out.
After playing with it last night I decided that the awesomeness of typing Dvorak does not outweigh the inconvenience of not having the X, C, and V keys next to each other.

[Pathway]

QWERTY. That's just the way I pulled them out of the tray, honest. How many roads must a man walk down?

Forty-two. No, doesn't work. XD

How hard is it supposed to be to get the keys out? I've got a this.

[uglyoldbob]

I'm having a really hard time lifting my leopard over my head.

[Eternal Density]

I'm having a really hard time lifting my leopard over my head.

Eww, leopards are disgusting.

[addams]

This is an old livejournal post I made in 2005...
---------------------------------------------------------
Last night I dug out my old keyboard, the one I use for recording when I drag my computer to other locations, and decided to give it a good clean. It's about 7 years old, and has suffered greatly from my habit of eating at the computer, not to mention from the crappy environments inside most live music venues.

If you want to clean your keyboard, remember to take photos of where the keys go. It'll help, believe me.
Also, a hair dryer that works is a huge bonus. Mine would only give me cold air, and it took ages to dry the bits.

I was grossed out by how much dust, dog hair, crumbs and other crap has collected under the keys.

but now, I have a super clean, bright, shiny, more responsive keyboard. Isn't life awesome.


Before... eww.


Under the keys. Ewwwwwwww.


Which one goes where??


QWERTY. That's just the way I pulled them out of the tray, honest. How many roads must a man walk down?

I'm so bored.

That was almost as good as being there.
Thank you.
What ever this thing I type on is, it is not what you use.

My keyboard is fine. The screen is a different matter. Apple juice spray dried where it landed. Same for orange juice spray. The remnants of the uninhibited sneeze or fifty. Good God! It is disgusting.

But; Screens are like windows; They are for looking through not at. (Shrug.)