Bad_sex (Not spam, and definately NSFW!)

[Nyarlathotep]

Why they picked *mine* I will never know.

Because it was least likely to have been so used before? Or because it was someone else's?

Hm. They didn't know it was mine *specifically* I think. So it was either the latter, or the fact that mine happened to be on top of the futon and therefore was in the most comfortable location in the room. And when things like that start happening one is unlikely to want to get up and move to one's *own* bag. or something.

[Robin S]

Not sex story, but erm, my ex is now a lesbian.

Yes, that is ex as in singular.

Everyone else finds that funnier than me, though I'm starting to see the funny side.

QFT; mine is bi.

[Maseiken]

Why they picked *mine* I will never know.

Because it was least likely to have been so used before? Or because it was someone else's?

Hm. They didn't know it was mine *specifically* I think. So it was either the latter, or the fact that mine happened to be on top of the futon and therefore was in the most comfortable location in the room. And when things like that start happening one is unlikely to want to get up and move to one's *own* bag. or something.

Maybe they were trying to soak up your awesomeness.

Wow, if I didn't stop just then I would dug myself a nice big hole. good thing I did...

[Nyarlathotep]

Why they picked *mine* I will never know.

Because it was least likely to have been so used before? Or because it was someone else's?

Hm. They didn't know it was mine *specifically* I think. So it was either the latter, or the fact that mine happened to be on top of the futon and therefore was in the most comfortable location in the room. And when things like that start happening one is unlikely to want to get up and move to one's *own* bag. or something.

Maybe they were trying to soak up your awesomeness.

Wow, if I didn't stop just then I would dug myself a nice big hole. good thing I did...

*fills in the hole*

[b.i.o]

Not sex story, but erm, my ex is now a lesbian.

Yes, that is ex as in singular.

Everyone else finds that funnier than me, though I'm starting to see the funny side.

QFT; mine is bi.

One of my female friends has a similar problem, except in reverse and multiplied. Every single guy she's ever gone out with (except the current one) has turned out to be gay. This is something like 4 or 5 guys.

[podbaydoor]

I have my share of bad sex stories, but none really funny. Except that I'm kind of clumsy and I do things like elbowing my partner in the face, poking him in the eye, slamming my shoulder into his jaw, nearly rolling him off the bed, almost kneeing him in the groin, accidentally applying teeth...

[podbaydoor]

To be fair, I've received my share of injuries and near misses as well...

[sillybear25]

Not exactly a sex story, but my friend almost got laid three times during an exchange program in Spain. Saying it like that makes it seem like he was actively looking to "get some," but that's not really true. The group was at a discotech and some woman asked if he wanted to go to her place. And then when he was on the beach, an American tourist asked the same thing. And on a stopover in New York on the way back, another member of the group asked the same thing.

A bit awkward, based on the way he told the story. In the first case, he was "rescued" when another group member got thrown out for trying to buy alcohol without ID, so the whole group had to leave. A fairly amusing story

[Maseiken]

Why they picked *mine* I will never know.

Because it was least likely to have been so used before? Or because it was someone else's?

Hm. They didn't know it was mine *specifically* I think. So it was either the latter, or the fact that mine happened to be on top of the futon and therefore was in the most comfortable location in the room. And when things like that start happening one is unlikely to want to get up and move to one's *own* bag. or something.

Maybe they were trying to soak up your awesomeness.

Wow, if I didn't stop just then I would dug myself a nice big hole. good thing I did...

*fills in the hole*

I left my keys down there!

[Oblivious Bear]

First of all, CTY kicks nine kinds of ass, major props. Now it's storytime!

I was at a different CTY site, Kaneohe, Hawaii, two years ago. That campus (unknown to me when I signed up, I can assure you) is infamous for having a ton of casual sex behind the counselors' backs. I went there at a time when I had a steady girlfriend back home. The problem is, I was 14. For those of you who remember being 14, most kids that age can't stop bragging/going on about their significant other when they have one. Since I didn't DO that, everyone assumed I was single.

So here I am in Hawaii with about 50 girls my age, all of whom are intelligent but all of whom assume I'm single and looking. About fifteen minutes into the first time I was with a group of people and there wasn't a counselor present, this girl started flirting with me. I try to discourage her, and she doesn't seem to get the hint. Eventually, I flat-out ask her to stop, and she bursts into tears and runs away. She then proceeds to tell everyone in camp that I told her that she was ugly and that I didn't want to talk to her.

Suffice to say that I didn't have many friends at the beginning of that summer.

--------------------------------------------

Second story time. This is once I'm back home. I'm on vacation to a different beach from the one where I live (California rocks, deal with it) with my family. We're renting an apartment for the weekend, and it happens to be about ten blocks away from where a female friend of mine lives, because we're really not all that far from home. My parents decided to be lax for once and pretty much left me alone all weekend. Needless to say, said friend and I spent nearly all our time together. We ended up in her house at around 11 pm, when her older brother and his boyfriend come home. We're in her room, so they don't see us. They go upstairs and we start hearing some VERY loud noise. I'm feeling kinda uncomfortable, but this friend is like "oh yeah, I'm used to it, it always gets me hot though". One thing leads to another, and she ends up asking me whether I'd rather leave while she masturbates, watch, or help her. Needless to say, I pick the third option. So we're in her bed, her brother and his boyfriend are banging the shit out of each other upstairs in the BROTHER's bedroom, and we're having so much fun we don't notice when they quiet down - and we're making some noise of our own by now.

Then her brother and the boyfriend burst in, completely naked, extremely messy, take one look at us, and physically rip us apart. I end up getting rushed out of the house with my clothes thrown out after me.

For some reason, she's never allowed to talk to me again. I mean, she does, but she isn't allowed to.

Moral of this story: The only way to get caught during sex WORSE than by parents is by nude, jizz-covered siblings and their nude, jizz-covered dates.

[Maseiken]

What the crap?
That doesn't seem fair.
How old were you at the time, still 14?

[Nyarlathotep]

First of all, CTY kicks nine kinds of ass, major props. Now it's storytime!

I was at a different CTY site, Kaneohe, Hawaii, two years ago. That campus (unknown to me when I signed up, I can assure you) is infamous for having a ton of casual sex behind the counselors' backs. I went there at a time when I had a steady girlfriend back home. The problem is, I was 14. For those of you who remember being 14, most kids that age can't stop bragging/going on about their significant other when they have one. Since I didn't DO that, everyone assumed I was single.

So here I am in Hawaii with about 50 girls my age, all of whom are intelligent but all of whom assume I'm single and looking. About fifteen minutes into the first time I was with a group of people and there wasn't a counselor present, this girl started flirting with me. I try to discourage her, and she doesn't seem to get the hint. Eventually, I flat-out ask her to stop, and she bursts into tears and runs away. She then proceeds to tell everyone in camp that I told her that she was ugly and that I didn't want to talk to her.

Suffice to say that I didn't have many friends at the beginning of that summer.

Oh man, that really sucks :\ Especially since (in my head, anyway) CTY is supposed to be one of the first places you GET nerd friends.
and I had NO idea they had a campus out in Hawai'i. That's AWESOME.
(CTY is how I discovered XKCD, by the way, since most of my friends from Lancaster read this comic And several were at the MIT talk.)

Second story time. This is once I'm back home. I'm on vacation to a different beach from the one where I live (California rocks, deal with it) with my family. We're renting an apartment for the weekend, and it happens to be about ten blocks away from where a female friend of mine lives, because we're really not all that far from home. My parents decided to be lax for once and pretty much left me alone all weekend. Needless to say, said friend and I spent nearly all our time together. We ended up in her house at around 11 pm, when her older brother and his boyfriend come home. We're in her room, so they don't see us. They go upstairs and we start hearing some VERY loud noise. I'm feeling kinda uncomfortable, but this friend is like "oh yeah, I'm used to it, it always gets me hot though". One thing leads to another, and she ends up asking me whether I'd rather leave while she masturbates, watch, or help her. Needless to say, I pick the third option. So we're in her bed, her brother and his boyfriend are banging the shit out of each other upstairs in the BROTHER's bedroom, and we're having so much fun we don't notice when they quiet down - and we're making some noise of our own by now.

Then her brother and the boyfriend burst in, completely naked, extremely messy, take one look at us, and physically rip us apart. I end up getting rushed out of the house with my clothes thrown out after me.

For some reason, she's never allowed to talk to me again. I mean, she does, but she isn't allowed to.

Moral of this story: The only way to get caught during sex WORSE than by parents is by nude, jizz-covered siblings and their nude, jizz-covered dates.

...
Wow, that sounds like something out of bad fanfic.

[Akira]

Second story time.

[...]

Moral of this story: The only way to get caught during sex WORSE than by parents is by nude, jizz-covered siblings and their nude, jizz-covered dates.

...
Wow, that sounds like something out of bad fanfic.[/quote]

No, a bad fanfic would end in a huge, hot, bisexual, incestuous orgy.

[Vekter]

Not sex story, but erm, my ex is now a lesbian.

Yes, that is ex as in singular.

Everyone else finds that funnier than me, though I'm starting to see the funny side.

QFT; mine is bi.

QFT, my current GF is bi.

Ok, this one isn't particularly bad, per se`, but it's still pretty bad.

Me and my ex were hanging out at a local park after 11PM, and we went under a bridge that was near there and started fooling around. So eventually, I've got her pants around her ankles and I'm, *ahem* "orally pleasuring" her, when we hear someone say "I'll give you a 50 to let me watch". This creepy-ass dude (Feel free to rehyphenate that.) was standing there with a raging hardon. My GF pulled her pants up and her shirt back down and we ran like hell, laughing like maniacs.

Sadly, nothing ever came of that night. >.> I didn't even get a good BJ out of it.

[UmbralRaptor]

Im still a virgin at 18, And have had no run ins of the sexual kind.

I think theres still an unused rope in the shower, s'cuse me.

Think we can try a two-fer? I'm hitting nineteen in less than a month.

Totally not a virgin, and have totally been kissed before right now.. and certainly before I turn 19 in July.

Pfft, I'm almost 21.

I turn 25 in December. Do I win a prize? >.> <.<

I'm afraid that the best story I have is about the person in the dorm next to me at Reed. She was always afraid of being loud, but I heard at most the occasional creak of bedsprings...

[Oblivious Bear]

...
Wow, that sounds like something out of bad fanfic.

Since when is there GOOD fanfic?

[Akira]

...
Wow, that sounds like something out of bad fanfic.

Since when is there GOOD fanfic?

Don't Panic, and Okay, NOW Panic, by boz4PM on fanfiction.net (LOTR)
Dreamstrifer's The Fresca Files (FF.N) (LOTR)
Evidence of Shadows, by Matt Morwell (FF.N) (CSI/YuGiOh crossover) (Yeah. you heard me. CSI/YGO. It's good. srsly.)

There are others.

Note that none of the good fanfics I listed revolves around sex. I think there's a connection.

[sillybear25]

...
Wow, that sounds like something out of bad fanfic.

Since when is there GOOD fanfic?

Don't Panic, and Okay, NOW Panic, by boz4PM on fanfiction.net (LOTR)
Dreamstrifer's The Fresca Files (FF.N) (LOTR)
Evidence of Shadows, by Matt Morwell (FF.N) (CSI/YuGiOh crossover) (Yeah. you heard me. CSI/YGO. It's good. srsly.)

There are others.

Note that none of the good fanfics I listed revolves around sex. I think there's a connection.

Perhaps he meant "slashfic"...

But yes, it needs to be made known that fanfic != slashfic

[podbaydoor]

Uh...slashfic is a type of fanfic. There's plenty of good-to-excellent fanfiction, sometimes (sadly) exceeding the quality of the original material. It all depends on where you look.

That said, Care Bears BDSM slash.

[Akira]

I didn't click. The mere thought was way too scary.

[grythyttan]

Not really sex, but in that general area. I was at a swimmingpool at a resort with this girl and we were making out in sort of a corner where we weren't too visible. suddenly her parents find us, we had enough time to not look too busy. They want us to go back to their house and get some stuff and we are persuaded to do so. At the time I was 16 and had little control over myself and soon after I have begun walking towards the house I realize that I can't get rid of my hard-on. I had just been swimming so i don't even have a t-shirt on and it's really visible.
To get to their house you have to walk down a road that has no place to take cover whatsoever. Of course there are more people than ever heading the other way down the road. It was like walking down the fucking green mile of shame.

[zingmaster]

Not really sex, but in that general area. I was at a swimmingpool at a resort with this girl and we were making out in sort of a corner where we weren't too visible. suddenly her parents find us, we had enough time to not look too busy. They want us to go back to their house and get some stuff and we are persuaded to do so. At the time I was 16 and had little control over myself and soon after I have begun walking towards the house I realize that I can't get rid of my hard-on. I had just been swimming so i don't even have a t-shirt on and it's really visible.
To get to their house you have to walk down a road that has no place to take cover whatsoever. Of course there are more people than ever heading the other way down the road. It was like walking down the fucking green mile of shame.

That's right, hold your head up high. You've got a penis, and you're proud of it.

[OmegaLord]

All of you who are so sad about still having virginity... Surely some of you must be of your fancied gender...

EDIT: Spelling fixed! Sorry.

[Rodan]

All of you who are so sad about still having virginity... Surely some of you must be of yuor fancied gender...

This is the xkcd forum. There's not exactly a large majority of the women-folk.

[d33p]

Aw jeez. Worst one...

I saw this tiny Latina girl for a few weeks last year. Nothing came of it, then she invited me over one random night after we hadn't hung out in a bit. 'Sure, why not?'
We watch The Office, drink a couple Coronas, I'm not expecting anything but she just blurts it out. 'Listen, you're just a booty call. Is that okay?' Yep, I'm okay with that.
In bed, going at it... something doesn't feel right. Something feels... scratchy. Inside. I pull out, and there's blood.
I freak. 'What the...?! You should have TOLD me it was this time! Goddammit...'
'No, it's not that,' she whines at me, desperately trying to blot the stains off her sheets with a wadded up t-shirt. 'I... uhh... I had an abortion yesterday morning.'



What could I say? The only thing to say. 'Christ. Fuck. It, uh... wasn't mine, right?'

[UmbralRaptor]

All of you who are so sad about still having virginity... Surely some of you must be of your fancied gender...

(typo fixed in quote)
Previous threads indicate otherwise.

[Maseiken]

Aw jeez. Worst one...

I saw this tiny Latina girl for a few weeks last year. Nothing came of it, then she invited me over one random night after we hadn't hung out in a bit. 'Sure, why not?'
We watch The Office, drink a couple Coronas, I'm not expecting anything but she just blurts it out. 'Listen, you're just a booty call. Is that okay?' Yep, I'm okay with that.
In bed, going at it... something doesn't feel right. Something feels... scratchy. Inside. I pull out, and there's blood.
I freak. 'What the...?! You should have TOLD me it was this time! Goddammit...'
'No, it's not that,' she whines at me, desperately trying to blot the stains off her sheets with a wadded up t-shirt. 'I... uhh... I had an abortion yesterday morning.'



What could I say? The only thing to say. 'Christ. Fuck. It, uh... wasn't mine, right?'

...You win.

[zingmaster]

Aw jeez. Worst one...

I saw this tiny Latina girl for a few weeks last year. Nothing came of it, then she invited me over one random night after we hadn't hung out in a bit. 'Sure, why not?'
We watch The Office, drink a couple Coronas, I'm not expecting anything but she just blurts it out. 'Listen, you're just a booty call. Is that okay?' Yep, I'm okay with that.
In bed, going at it... something doesn't feel right. Something feels... scratchy. Inside. I pull out, and there's blood.
I freak. 'What the...?! You should have TOLD me it was this time! Goddammit...'
'No, it's not that,' she whines at me, desperately trying to blot the stains off her sheets with a wadded up t-shirt. 'I... uhh... I had an abortion yesterday morning.'



What could I say? The only thing to say. 'Christ. Fuck. It, uh... wasn't mine, right?'

...You win.

Agreed. I mean, come on, that's horrible. What was she thinking?!

[d33p]

It's not a game to be won! I don't know what she was thinking - other than, 'I'm horny and must be plowed.'

I will tell stories later of The Stripper From MySpace and AssCheekPrints.

[LE4dGOLEM]

All of you who are so sad about still having virginity... Surely some of you must be of yuor fancied gender...

This is the xkcd forum. There's not exactly a large majority of the women-folk.

Actually, xkcd has the highest female:male population ratio I've seen on the internet.

[Maseiken]

Unforunatly;
"N0 gurl3 on teh 1|/|tarw3bz lol3"

[Master Gunner]

no girls, we're allowed to have one.

[Maseiken]

Sweet! Is she hot?

[OmegaLord]

All of you who are so sad about still having virginity... Surely some of you must be of "your" fancied gender...

Umm... Please mentally fix the spelling... As we are somehow unable to edit.
Sorry.

EDIT: Spelling fixed! Thanks Davean assuming it was

[4=5]

All of you who are so sad about still having virginity... Surely some of you must be of "yuor" fancied gender...

Umm... Please mentally fix the spelling... As we are somehow unable to edit.
Sorry.

it took me five times reading it to notice what you were talking about

[joeframbach]

Aw jeez. Worst one...

...gross things...

What could I say? The only thing to say. 'Christ. Fuck. It, uh... wasn't mine, right?'

You've read I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell?

[joeframbach]

Aw jeez. Worst one...

...gross things...

What could I say? The only thing to say. 'Christ. Fuck. It, uh... wasn't mine, right?'

There's no edit button so I have to re-post. Pretend this is an edit.

[edit] Are you Tucker Max?

[d33p]

Heh, no I'm not Tucker. I've seen his site, though I haven't read the book. His stories are far and beyond more disturbing than mine.

[mrorange]

okay, so this story only has partially to do with the sex bit, but still.
so i was at now ex gf's house, messing around on the couch, but her mom was in a room at the end of the hall, so we go into the laundry/furnace room, and she starts sucking me off, unfortunatley, the mom comes in to do some laundry... im 15 at the time and i just get SUPER embarassed, feel horrible about being human, and leave immediately, on my bike, cause im 15. On the way home im really shaken up and these assholes ( i think they were on some kind of drugs) come up behind me and honk then zoom by. Normally i wouldnt have said anythign but i was so twitchy to begin with i just yelled at them to fuck off, they sloooow doan and one shave headed guy sticks his head out the window and just startes yelling at me and all of this crazy shit, finally they leave, but pull inot a parkinglot further up the road, and then try and run me over when i go by, they do this thee or four more times before they get bored of it and i got too far away from town. yeah... that sucked... so to speak

[zingmaster]

So my story isn't quite as exciting, but one night, my ex-gf was planning to come over so we could watch a movie. And for some odd reason, my parents trusted us alone in the house. So they leave, my gf comes over at about 9, and we just head into my room and start getting it on. She got fully naked that time, but I still had stuff on. We then watched the movie (Love Actually), then cuddled a little more before she left at about midnight. The rest of my family finally came home at about 1. I think that was close to the last time we did anything like that before we broke up.

I feel a little weird, though, cuz it was like we had this mutual agreement that we wouldn't have sex. There was plenty of oral on both sides, but no full sex. I personally would rather wait until marriage, and she just says that she's waiting until it feels right. So nothing big happened.