1819: "Sweet 16"

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1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby cheweytoo » Mon Apr 03, 2017 8:53 am UTC

Image

title: Every year I make out my bracket at the season, and every year it's busted before the first game when I find out which teams are playing.

Well, OK, some sort of championship with the usual 2^n teams. Huh?
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby aldonius » Mon Apr 03, 2017 9:34 am UTC

Assuming they're playing basketball, that appears to be an easy cruise to victory for the 1988 Lakers.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby wraith » Mon Apr 03, 2017 9:50 am UTC

I think it will be a close call between team with one dog, the 1988 Lakers and the bad team which would make a good Cinderella story.

I guess the NBA2K17 top players shouldn't be underestimated, too. A lot of the top players of the FIFA video game series are actually decent footballers (some even professional)
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby cellocgw » Mon Apr 03, 2017 11:22 am UTC

aldonius wrote:Assuming they're playing basketball, that appears to be an easy cruise to victory for the 1988 Lakers.


Seeing as the '88 Lakers players are now in their 50s, I wouldn't count on it
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby sotanaht » Mon Apr 03, 2017 11:37 am UTC

I think the team on stilts might have something of a height advantage.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Whizbang » Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:09 pm UTC

What about the team with a werewolf? Is he disqualified? There's no rule against dogs playing, but since he's half-human he can't play? Bogus.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby DennyMo » Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:18 pm UTC

sotanaht wrote:I think the team on stilts might have something of a height advantage.

I see lots of goaltending calls in their future. It would be interesting watching them try to protect the dribble.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby cellocgw » Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:30 pm UTC

DennyMo wrote:
sotanaht wrote:I think the team on stilts might have something of a height advantage.

I see lots of goaltending calls in their future. It would be interesting watching them try to protect the dribble.


Dunno - I'd put only one guy on stilts. He wouldn't play defense, but just hang out near the paint at the offensive end. Whenever his teammates get the ball, the pass it to him -- he's 6 feet above the other team so there'll never be an interception. Then he takes one giant step to the hoop and stuffs it. Guaranteed win.
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby wraith » Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:36 pm UTC

The stilt team could fight for a draw at best. They could never intercept a pass or block a shot because they're too high up, they can't dribble the ball. They'll end up committing numerous technical fouls for kicking their opponents and losing. Or they will succeed in fighting for a draw, then be more tired than their opponents and loose at the umpteenth overtime.
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Schol-R-LEA » Mon Apr 03, 2017 12:57 pm UTC

How about an evil team that would make a good Cinderella story?

Well, I guess if they're evil, it probably wouldn't be a good story... in either sense of 'good'. Dang!

How about an evil team that would make a terrible Cinderella story? Or an evil team that would make an evil Cinderella story?
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby hetas » Mon Apr 03, 2017 1:24 pm UTC

2K17... love it.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Mikeski » Mon Apr 03, 2017 1:58 pm UTC

wraith wrote:They'll end up committing numerous technical fouls for kicking their opponents and losing.

"number 48, two minutes for slashing."
"number 6, two minutes for high-sticking."

(Inability to dribble? Who cares? Stand still and pass. It'll look like "ultimate frisbee", except no frisbees, and the other team is too short to do anything about it.)

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Showsni » Mon Apr 03, 2017 2:23 pm UTC

Specifically, the NBA2K17 top players are apparently LeBron James, Stephen Curry, Kevin Durant, Kawhi Leonard and Russell Westbrook. If those kindergarteners are good enough, LeBron James could end up facing himself in the finals!

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Wbaumann » Mon Apr 03, 2017 2:28 pm UTC

I’ve assumed that all non-specified human team members are skilled enough that they’d make, but not start on a competitive college team.

---

Matchup 1:
A school with a dog on their team vs.
A school whose team is entirely dogs


Despite what a charming series of made-for-TV movies has tried to teach me (I say tried because I don’t think I’ve ever watched any of the Air Bud series), four human players of any skill level would probably be more effective than five dogs. The big challenge to the mechanics of the game is the lengthy timeouts required to train the dogs to inbound the ball using the proper commands and a hearty dose of treats. Who’s a good boy?

Final score: 83-2, School plus one dog

Matchup 2:
A dog team with one human vs.
A dog team with one cat


The lone human will feel like a god among pets. Again, the challenge is getting inbounds from the dogs (and probably traveling calls). The final score is low because of the chaos and extended periods where eight enthusiastic dogs of various breeds chase a basketball around a gym in BLATANT disregard for the rulebook. The lone player, having clinched victory, eventually stops taking shots and sits near the three-point arc of the opposing team, rubbing a particularly affectionate Bull Terrier.

Final score: 12-0, Dog team plus human

Matchup 3:
A baseball team playing basketball vs.
A basketball team with baseball gear


Probably our first matchup that vaguely resembles a regular basketball game, though the cleats definitely make for more clack and less squeak. Assuming the baseball team is the bench from a decent NCAA team for parity’s sake, the basketball team can probably overcome the cleat disadvantage (and turn around the baseball caps for improved field of vision) to pull this one out. The guy in catcher gear had a bad day, shooting only 2-for-7 from the arc.

Final score: 65-27, Basketball team in cleats

Matchup 4:
NBA2K17 Top Players vs.
NBA2K17 Top Developers


Easiest game to determine. The developers, in modest shape, showed up to the court in appropriate gym attire and tennis shoes. Regrettably (or fortunately?), digital representations of human beings cannot yet manifest in the physical world.

Final score: Disqualification for NBA2K17 Top Players

Matchup 5:
The 1988 Los Angeles Lakers vs.
Four Kindergarteners and LeBron James


There is no magic (ha!) time machine. The “Showtime”-era starting LA Lakers now boast an average age of 58. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is 69. LeBron, though arguably slightly past his prime, is among the current active superstars of the NBA. Despite the Lakers Alumni ability to pass the ball around and move down the court, James is able to gather a majority of the rebounds, and extends his lead through speed and board dominance. One of the kindergarteners eats a crayon.

Final score: 42-26, LeBron plus children

Matchup 6:
Boxers Playing Basketball vs.
Basketball Players in Boxing Gloves


It turns out that it’s really hard to dribble, pass, and shoot in boxing gloves. The boxers, while unskilled in this particular sport, are in phenomenal shape, and make up for a lack of ability in raw enthusiasm and effort.

Final score: 41-4, Boxers

Matchup 7:
A Team Playing on Stilts vs.
A Team Playing on Segways


After a first quarter with a score of 7-2, the players on Segways eventually figure out the correct technique to move around effectively. The score balloons out of control. Several technical fouls are awarded for inexplicable kicks to the face.

Final score: 29-6, Segways

Matchup 8:
A Bad Team That Would Make a Good Cinderella Story vs.
A Good Team Playing in Glass Slippers


A surprisingly hard game to call, as it turns out that shards of broken glass in your feet are the great equalizer. The bad team nearly comes from behind in the final moments, in true Cinderella story fashion, but it turns out that ability, technique, and experience beat “pluck” a vast majority of the time.

Final score: 37-35, Good Team with foot lacerations

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby richP » Mon Apr 03, 2017 2:43 pm UTC

Excellent comic, normally I groan at "March Madness" references (wait, it's April already). So many ways we can go with this:

* Re-seed the tourney if the goal was to cause the most damage to the court Baseball cleats and glass slippers get the high seeds, Segways could pull an upset if dark marks on the court count (Jr. High gym teachers seemed to think so...)

* Re-see if the goal was to cause the most damage to the *players*. Cleats and slippers are again ranked high, but the school with a dog on the team could upset if it turns out they have Cujo, not Air Bud.

* Stilts as in the traditional wooden poles with a step attached to the side? If so, the player's hands are busy holding on to the top of the poles, severely limiting ball handling. If they're like the kind used for mudding and taping drywall, that's more like it.

* How tight are the refs calling contact? Wouldn't take much contact to drop someone on either variety of stilts.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby gmalivuk » Mon Apr 03, 2017 2:48 pm UTC

cheweytoo wrote:Image

title: Every year I make out my bracket at the season, and every year it's busted before the first game when I find out which teams are playing.

Well, OK, some sort of championship with the usual 2^n teams. Huh?

I mean, if you don't know what it's about (or how to properly format a new thread), you didn't need to be the first to post about it?
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby wumpus » Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:01 pm UTC

cellocgw wrote:
DennyMo wrote:
sotanaht wrote:I think the team on stilts might have something of a height advantage.

I see lots of goaltending calls in their future. It would be interesting watching them try to protect the dribble.


Dunno - I'd put only one guy on stilts. He wouldn't play defense, but just hang out near the paint at the offensive end. Whenever his teammates get the ball, the pass it to him -- he's 6 feet above the other team so there'll never be an interception. Then he takes one giant step to the hoop and stuffs it. Guaranteed win.


Manute Bol [7' 6 3/4"] only played defense (I assume mostly to protect his legs). Well, he only played the defensive end of the court, for awhile he would take (and often make) 3 pointers from nearly half court. Eventually the guards learned to leap sufficiently high to "guard" his nearly flat trajectory "jump shot" (I doubt he actually jumped).

If you could play defense well enough with 4 players, you wouldn't need stilts. I'd assume even a short guy could make an unopposed shot from a few feet away.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Jorpho » Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:10 pm UTC

Mikeski wrote:(Inability to dribble? Who cares? Stand still and pass. It'll look like "ultimate frisbee", except no frisbees, and the other team is too short to do anything about it.)
I've tried stilt-walking before and I get dizzy just thinking about what that might look like. All that passing and catching is bound to throw one violently off balance.

Wbaumann wrote:I’ve assumed that all non-specified human team members are skilled enough that they’d make, but not start on a competitive college team.
Lovely breakdown you've got there, but I'm thinking:

Matchup 4:
NBA2K17 Top Players vs.
NBA2K17 Top Developers

Easiest game to determine. The developers, in modest shape, showed up to the court in appropriate gym attire and tennis shoes. Regrettably (or fortunately?), digital representations of human beings cannot yet manifest in the physical world.
I assumed "Top Players" referred to the couch-warriors who played the game created by the developers. I'm still inclined to give the edge to the developers, assuming they're not completely broken in body and spirit from trying to meet an exhausting production schedule.

Matchup 6:
Boxers Playing Basketball vs.
Basketball Players in Boxing Gloves

It turns out that it’s really hard to dribble, pass, and shoot in boxing gloves. The boxers, while unskilled in this particular sport, are in phenomenal shape, and make up for a lack of ability in raw enthusiasm and effort.
I think this comes down to whether we're talking about the heavyweight classes or lighter ones.

Matchup 8:
A Bad Team That Would Make a Good Cinderella Story vs.
A Good Team Playing in Glass Slippers

A surprisingly hard game to call, as it turns out that shards of broken glass in your feet are the great equalizer. The bad team nearly comes from behind in the final moments, in true Cinderella story fashion, but it turns out that ability, technique, and experience beat “pluck” a vast majority of the time.
One could conceivably game the system here by opting for some variety of fiberglass composite.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Soupspoon » Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:17 pm UTC

The Baseball Team Playing Basketball and the Boxers Playing Basketball are the most definite suggestion that the competition is basketball, but given that many of the other are going to be variously mismatched to the game (whatever sport is being played) those teams may just not be taking part correctly, like just about every other team but maybe more so...

(From the side of the Atlantic where the sport is called Rounders, I assume the biggest impediment to the baseball-gear wearers (unless they have to carry their bats) is any boot-studs on the court floor. Seems to me that (unless the catcher also has to play, in his padding) the catching mitts will just make things interesting, not much else will impede a team.)

The Segway team might have difficulty with not Travelling, I think, and couldn't properly dribble (they could with those no-handlebars self-balancing things that are more recently the rage, when their batteries aren't exploding), so the stilted opponents would probably be more fouled-against than fouling.

(Tempted to solve the whole bracketing, but it's not my culture so I may have missed some nuances...)
((Edit: And somebody has already done a decent job, at least of the first round, except where they disagree with me about the stilts vs segways... ;) ))
Last edited by Soupspoon on Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:27 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby stilettoblade » Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:23 pm UTC

One of my first thoughts on this comic was to wonder whether "a school whose team is entirely dogs" and "boxers playing basketball" were the same school sneaking into the tournament twice, presumably by participating in two different divisions.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby gmalivuk » Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:35 pm UTC

Jorpho wrote:I assumed "Top Players" referred to the couch-warriors who played the game created by the developers. I'm still inclined to give the edge to the developers, assuming they're not completely broken in body and spirit from trying to meet an exhausting production schedule.
Except, as mentioned upthread, some of the top players are also good at real basketball.
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby somitomi » Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:39 pm UTC

hetas wrote:2K17

*screams internally*
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Whizbang » Mon Apr 03, 2017 3:50 pm UTC

See, because the k adds value. 0 literally adds nothing.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Soupspoon » Mon Apr 03, 2017 4:13 pm UTC

somitomi wrote:
hetas wrote:2K17

*screams internally*

That's two kiloseventeens, i.e. 34,000. (Case dismissed!)

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby mcdigman » Mon Apr 03, 2017 4:51 pm UTC

Showsni wrote:Specifically, the NBA2K17 top players are apparently LeBron James, Stephen Curry, Kevin Durant, Kawhi Leonard and Russell Westbrook. If those kindergarteners are good enough, LeBron James could end up facing himself in the finals!


gmalivuk wrote:
Jorpho wrote:
I assumed "Top Players" referred to the couch-warriors who played the game created by the developers. I'm still inclined to give the edge to the developers, assuming they're not completely broken in body and spirit from trying to meet an exhausting production schedule.

Except, as mentioned upthread, some of the top players are also good at real basketball.


I'm pretty sure that is a list of the top players in the game, from here http://bleacherreport.com/articles/2664735-nba-2k17-player-ratings-for-top-stars-at-each-position note that everyone on the list is a professional basketball player, ranked approximately according to ability in real life; it would be really surprising if there was a 1 to 1 correlation between video game and athletic talent. A list of the top players of the game is probably something like this: https://gamebattles.majorleaguegaming.com/leaderboards/xboxone/nba-2k17/ and I don't see any reason to suspect WooDiEZz is Lebron James.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby gmalivuk » Mon Apr 03, 2017 5:05 pm UTC

This is what I was referring to, but maybe the post with the list confused me into thinking it was more of a definite thing than mere speculation based on a different sports-related video game.
wraith wrote:I guess the NBA2K17 top players shouldn't be underestimated, too. A lot of the top players of the FIFA video game series are actually decent footballers (some even professional)
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby somitomi » Mon Apr 03, 2017 6:00 pm UTC

Soupspoon wrote:
somitomi wrote:
hetas wrote:2K17

*screams internally*

That's two kiloseventeens, i.e. 34,000. (Case dismissed!)

Wouldn't that be a 2.17 kOhm resistor?
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby rhomboidal » Mon Apr 03, 2017 6:32 pm UTC

my friend Catherine can cough up a hairball AND dunk it. I'd like to see LeBron do that. I'd really, really, REALLY like to see him do that.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby orthogon » Mon Apr 03, 2017 8:16 pm UTC

somitomi wrote:
Soupspoon wrote:
somitomi wrote:
hetas wrote:2K17

*screams internally*

That's two kiloseventeens, i.e. 34,000. (Case dismissed!)

Wouldn't that be a 2.17 kOhm resistor?

Exactly what i was thinking: 2K17 = 2170, not 2017.
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Showsni » Mon Apr 03, 2017 11:48 pm UTC

Jorpho wrote:I assumed "Top Players" referred to the couch-warriors who played the game created by the developers. I'm still inclined to give the edge to the developers, assuming they're not completely broken in body and spirit from trying to meet an exhausting production schedule.


Hm, that's certainly possible; "NBA 2k17 Top Players" could refer to players of the game rather than players in the game. Somewhat ambiguous, then. The former probably was the intended interpretation, given the rest of the teams.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Canard » Tue Apr 04, 2017 9:26 am UTC

Showsni wrote:Hm, that's certainly possible; "NBA 2k17 Top Players" could refer to players of the game rather than players in the game. Somewhat ambiguous, then. The former probably was the intended interpretation, given the rest of the teams.


Given that assumption, I would put that game at probably 56-42 to the NBA 2K17 Players over the Developers - closer than some of the other matchups, but the Players are always slightly ahead and then stretch their lead in the final few minutes due to the Developers tiring out due to their sugar and caffeine-only diet only being able to take them so far (based on the few game developers I personally know).

Other than that, I agree with Wbaumann's posted results so far, although I'd probably have made the 1988 Lakers vs LeBron and the kindergarteners a LITTLE bit closer - one star player versus five old men isn't a guaranteed win, but I think he'd close it out eventually.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Scott Auld » Tue Apr 04, 2017 1:21 pm UTC

cheweytoo wrote:Well, OK, some sort of championship with the usual 2^n teams. Huh?


https://xkcd.com/1480/

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Keyman » Tue Apr 04, 2017 2:02 pm UTC

And now that it's over...
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby CBusAlex » Tue Apr 04, 2017 4:29 pm UTC

As a developer for a major sports video game title (not NBA2k) I can assure you that the top players of our game could best us in just about any physical activity you could imagine. We're not talking LeBron James, but a lot of them played the sport at least at the high school level. Most of us wouldn't even know how to hold the ball.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Ayelis » Tue Apr 04, 2017 6:17 pm UTC

Wbaumann wrote:I’ve assumed that all non-specified human team members are skilled enough that they’d make, but not start on a competitive college team.
Matchup 1:
...


A lot of good calls in this run down. I totally overestimated the ability of digital players to manifest in the real world. Regardless, here's the new sweet-8 bracket. I wonder how well they'd fare!
(I assume that the team with lacerations is given ample time to heal as well as new glass slippers in each new match.)
Image

Asides; Does the team with baseball gear also have bats? Regarding the school with the dog on their team... Is the whole school in the match, or just the team?
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Mikeski » Tue Apr 04, 2017 8:37 pm UTC

Ayelis wrote:
Wbaumann wrote:I’ve assumed that all non-specified human team members are skilled enough that they’d make, but not start on a competitive college team.
Matchup 1:...

A lot of good calls in this run down. I totally overestimated the ability of digital players to manifest in the real world. Regardless, here's the new sweet-8 bracket. I wonder how well they'd fare!
(I assume that the team with lacerations is given ample time to heal as well as new glass slippers in each new match.)
Image


I assume the opposite; there are TV contracts to be met! No way the nerve- and connective-tissue damage from all those deep glass cuts is healed in a week, so Segways make the final four on the DQ. (If they did have time to heal, I bet most of them resign before attempting another game dressed like that.)

The boxers accept a few technical fouls and make hack-a-Shaq look like a gentle massage session. LeBron is carted off the court, unconscious, at the four minute mark, and the boxers clean up after that.

Several humans and 1 dog versus several dogs and 1 human? Go school team! Opposable thumbs FTW!

Real basketball players wearing anything short of jousting armor versus pasty-white pudgy programmers? Another foregone conclusion.

This round was much more obvious than the first.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Ayelis » Wed Apr 05, 2017 12:35 am UTC

Mikeski wrote:I assume the opposite; there are TV contracts to be met!
This round was much more obvious than the first.


Good point. What was I thinking!

This next round seems a bit obvious as well, but who can say. They're sportsing pretty hard out there...

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby lowwall » Wed Apr 05, 2017 2:24 am UTC

The '88 Lakers would destroy LeBron and the kindergartners. They may have lost several steps, but they can still pass and shoot. They'd pass it around until someone got a clear shot or open path for a layup. They would then intercept the inbounds pass and repeat.

LeBron would only be able to score off rebounds. But that's not enough. If he sticks to the basket, these guys will be able to take easy shots and will make a large majority of them. If he comes out to challenge the shooter, assuming they just don't dump it off to someone with a clear shot, it will be difficult to get back to grab the rebound.

I also think people underestimate just how superior these athletes are.

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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Pfhorrest » Wed Apr 05, 2017 2:51 am UTC

I wonder if you're underestimating how disruptive a court full of kindergarteners can be.
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Re: 1819: "Sweet 16"

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Wed Apr 05, 2017 3:00 pm UTC

Regarding the stilt team: I believe there's nothing in the rule book saying that it's a foul to hit a player's stilts?
Jorpho wrote:One could conceivably game the system here by opting for some variety of fiberglass composite.
There's still the problem that fiberglass is utterly inflexible. I think a heel might actually be more conductive to athletics in this case, since it's a matter of either being stuck flat footed or on the balls of your feet.

How about slippers made of safety glass?
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