Awesome Teacher Quotes

The school experience. School related queries, discussions, and stories that aren't specific to a subject.

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The Scyphozoa
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby The Scyphozoa » Mon Oct 17, 2011 3:04 am UTC

Maybe she parachuted.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Meem1029 » Mon Oct 17, 2011 5:44 pm UTC

No. She was clearly dropped on the pond from an airplane.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby mathgeek17 » Mon Oct 17, 2011 7:12 pm UTC

When my chemistry teacher was explaining beta emissions to us, she told us that electrons freak out when they're in the nucleus and proceeded to demonstrate this by running out of the room screaming and didn't come back for 5 min.

This is the facebook page dedicated to quotes from one of our band directors, my favorite being, "If I were a dragon, you'd all be toast."
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby jeorgun » Wed Oct 19, 2011 3:57 am UTC

H.S. calculus teacher:

(while ranting about Basic Human Decency in schools)
``The worst thing about public schools today is that we can talk about Lady Gaga but we can't talk about Hitler!''

(while discussing study habits)
Personally I like writing theorems down... not like a hobby or anything. I don't go home and write math theorems down in my spare time.''

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby ibgdude » Wed Oct 19, 2011 6:45 am UTC

"We don't use that tone in here"
In reference to the trumpet section's horrible sounds.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby gmalivuk » Wed Oct 19, 2011 11:55 am UTC

jeorgun wrote:(while ranting about Basic Human Decency in schools)
``The worst thing about public schools today is that we can talk about Lady Gaga but we can't talk about Hitler!''
Do you go to school in Germany or something? Because otherwise this is just flat-out not true. Unless your teacher is actually a neo-Nazi and by "talk about Hitler" he means "promote Hitler's beliefs".
Unless stated otherwise, I do not care whether a statement, by itself, constitutes a persuasive political argument. I care whether it's true.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Wed Oct 19, 2011 12:52 pm UTC

Talking about Hitler is not only allowed, but mandatory in German schools. And probably in most 20th-century history classes in schools around the world.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby The Scyphozoa » Wed Oct 19, 2011 4:49 pm UTC

Not unless you claim it was Charlie Chaplin who took over Germany...
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Kolko » Wed Oct 19, 2011 5:41 pm UTC

"This algebra handbook was written by an American. It will therefore be too easy for you."
Environ 20% plus chouette.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby jeorgun » Wed Oct 19, 2011 7:33 pm UTC

gmalivuk wrote:
jeorgun wrote:(while ranting about Basic Human Decency in schools)
``The worst thing about public schools today is that we can talk about Lady Gaga but we can't talk about Hitler!''
Do you go to school in Germany or something? Because otherwise this is just flat-out not true. Unless your teacher is actually a neo-Nazi and by "talk about Hitler" he means "promote Hitler's beliefs".

1) No, and
2) I certainly hope not.
I have absolutely no idea how he came to this conclusion (though admittedly Hitler is probably less of an appropriate topic in math classes than in history)

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby RollingHead » Fri Oct 21, 2011 6:55 pm UTC

I have an awesome general physics teacher this year. Here are some roughly translated quotes:
On gravitational force: "The Earth is trying to drag me to Hell, and I'm trying to attract devils towards me"
On friction: "When meteors enter our atmosphere, because of friction they burn up causing a phenomenon where everyboby makes wishes that never come true"
He also made several examples involving dropping cats out of windows (wind resistance balancing gravitational acceleration [may not be the correct scientific terms in english]), then ended the lesson reminding us that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to try any of that at home.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Nat » Tue Nov 01, 2011 10:12 pm UTC

In Ergodic Theory:
"So, XxY has this ergodicity condition for every Y if and only if it has it for Y=X. This is because, as in many cases, you are your own worst enemy. Or in less poetic terms, the Cauchy-Schwartz inequality"
Not sure why but it made me laugh.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby PossibleSloth » Wed Nov 02, 2011 8:13 pm UTC

RollingHead wrote:He also made several examples involving dropping cats out of windows (wind resistance balancing gravitational acceleration [may not be the correct scientific terms in english]), then ended the lesson reminding us that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to try any of that at home.


My high school physics teacher spent pretty much an entire lecture talking about dropping cats out of windows to demonstrate everything from terminal velocity to rotational inertia. Our homework was to determine the greatest height at which a cat could be dropped out of a building without landing on its feet.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby The Scyphozoa » Wed Nov 02, 2011 9:04 pm UTC

If I understand the question correctly, then from personal experimentation I'd say about 1.5 feet, max.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Nat » Wed Nov 02, 2011 10:05 pm UTC

In algebraic geometry:
Student: what's the deal with all this category stuff? can you give us some motivation for this?
TA: OK, I'd better give a my motivational speech now: In this course, we are going to spend enormous amounts of time and effort to prove things that seem extremely esoteric and pointless. That's pretty much the whole course.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Krealr » Thu Nov 03, 2011 2:42 pm UTC

My high school physics teacher spent pretty much an entire lecture talking about dropping cats out of windows to demonstrate everything from terminal velocity to rotational inertia. Our homework was to determine the greatest height at which a cat could be dropped out of a building without landing on its feet.[/quote]


If you hold a cat upside down and drop it it will flip over to land on its feet. Do this several times in a row then hold the cat right side up and drop it, it will flip over onto its back. (Either that or my friend had a very dumb cat)

Any cat lovers out there please don't hurt me. :D

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:20 pm UTC

Krealr wrote:If you hold a cat upside down and drop it it will flip over to land on its feet. Do this several times in a row then hold the cat right side up and drop it, it will flip over onto its back. (Either that or my friend had a very dumb cat)

I have to try this when I get home. For science.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Thu Nov 03, 2011 5:04 pm UTC

May your cat scratch you.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Thu Nov 03, 2011 6:21 pm UTC

I was just kidding. my friend Catherine will almost certainly land upside down every time, anyways.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Aiea » Thu Nov 03, 2011 6:22 pm UTC

TheChewanater wrote:
Krealr wrote:If you hold a cat upside down and drop it it will flip over to land on its feet. Do this several times in a row then hold the cat right side up and drop it, it will flip over onto its back. (Either that or my friend had a very dumb cat)

I have to try this when I get home. For science.


If you stick a hair scrunchy around a cat's waist (one just tight enough for them to know it's there but not enough to cut off circulation) most cats will go limp and refuse to use their back legs...

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Nat » Mon Nov 07, 2011 4:43 pm UTC

"Love is like history class: either someone dies or it's boring as hell".

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby RollingHead » Mon Nov 07, 2011 10:30 pm UTC

My chemistry professor, explaining gasses with a powerpoint containing this image:
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"Avogadro is famous for many things, and really should have hired a better portraitist"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby doinkisaac » Sat Nov 12, 2011 5:05 pm UTC

A problem from my Calculus class yesterday went something like this:
"Jurassic Park has 200 feet of fence with which to enclose the velociraptors against the back wall of the lab. What is the largest area that Ian Malcolm make the enclosure?"
I probably forgot some parts.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Jimmy_kaine » Tue Nov 15, 2011 3:17 pm UTC

History teacher, while the class was discussing legal driving age in the U.S.:
Frankly,you guys are shitty drivers.


Spanish teacher:
don't worry guys, tomorrow is Friday!


( the latter wouldn't be so bad, but he says it almost every day of the week.)
Last edited by Jimmy_kaine on Wed Nov 16, 2011 2:21 pm UTC, edited 2 times in total.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Herover » Tue Nov 15, 2011 7:52 pm UTC

Bioligy teacher:
"I didn't like her discussion... It wasn't very discussing"
"If there's something in a cell which you do not know what makes, then it makes proteines. (or enzymes or something else)"

Language teacher:
"Now imagine, you have to physicists, and one of them is having a affair with the other physicists wife. Do you think they would be discussing neutrally about 'the big bang' now?"

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Kick » Thu Nov 17, 2011 7:48 am UTC

OH my! I totally should have joined the forums here sooner (or even looked at the forums sooner). I had been meaning to set up some kind of blog with just funny quotes taken out of context from my classes. I started writing them down in my notebook whenever I got the chance, here are a few:
My Security and Risk Analysis professor:
"When I went to school, the periodic table was a lot smaller...yeah, there were only three elements: earth, wind, and fire."
My CS professor (when teaching c++):
(he tries to use "real life" examples, but never uses a full analogy, just parts pieced together with code)
"You can't cout numWidgets because he's not in the phone book."
"Killing two birds with one loop."
"Professional programers are lazy..."
"When I do illegal stuff, I never do it on my new computer--I do it on an old computer...wait, not that I do illegal stuff."

I thought those to be humorous in the moment, looking back they are no where near as funny as I thought. Well, I've got a few more years.

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Thu Nov 17, 2011 1:12 pm UTC

What's the benefit from doing illegal stuff on old computers?
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby The Scyphozoa » Fri Nov 18, 2011 6:50 pm UTC

You're likely to get viruses from trying to download illegal things because people can't report it, since that would mean you're doing illegal stuff.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Gear » Sun Nov 20, 2011 3:50 am UTC

My math teacher was born for this thread. Here are some of the best (not all by her, my sarcastic English teacher makes some appearances too):

Wow, it's almost like X reads things!


Alright Kumquats, back to math.

My math teacher has taken to calling us blueberries and kumquats.

Yes, this is what Ms. W does when she gets home - does thousands upon thousands of Range/Domain problems. No, I don't really, that would be sad . . . I make my friend Catherine do them.


And remember, if tonight's homework doesn't leave you sobbing in a corner, either I'm not doing my job, or you're doing the problem wrong.


And, of course, all my friends call me Ms. W too.


It might be a new concept to you people, but it's a bad thing when X gets the best grade on a quiz and she self professedly didn't read the text.


Go back to honors. We don't need your kind here.


Kid: If I did 'Y', will I get points off on the test?
Teacher: No, but I will laugh at you and write sarcastic comments next to the question.


You do realize that your test grades are really just a reflection of my mood while I'm grading them, not an assessment of your skills, right?
Last edited by Gear on Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:29 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Sun Nov 20, 2011 5:51 am UTC

Gear wrote:
You do realize that your test grades are really just a reflection of my mood while I'm grading them, not an assessment of your skills, right?

I bet this one's the English teacher.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Gear » Sun Nov 20, 2011 6:27 am UTC

TheChewanater wrote:
Gear wrote:
You do realize that your test grades are really just a reflection of my mood while I'm grading them, not an assessment of your skills, right?

I bet this one's the English teacher.


Nope. It was the math teacher. The English teacher was 'It's almost like X reads', and the depressing quiz grades. I could see how you'd think that though - it's much harder (though not impossible) to justify failing a kid in Math.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby snoods » Mon Nov 21, 2011 8:18 pm UTC

My physics teacher is brilliant at getting us to understand things.

Imagine a bunch of bunny rabbits. Cute, little bunny rabbits. Get them all to stand in a long, fluffy white line. Then staple them all to the one in front. Pour molten iron under the feet of the one at the front. It starts to hop. If the one behind it wants to keep its nose, it also has to hop. And so all bunnies will have to hop at the exact same time or they will lose either their noses or tails. And that's how electrons in a circuit work.


He also head butted a door to demonstrate the conservation of momentum :D

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby cjmcjmcjmcjm » Mon Nov 21, 2011 8:48 pm UTC

My P Chem prof discussed why Everclear is 95.6% (191 proof) EtOH instead of pure as an example of why high-boiling azeotropes are relevant to our daily lives.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Mon Nov 21, 2011 10:56 pm UTC

TheChewanater wrote:
Gear wrote:
You do realize that your test grades are really just a reflection of my mood while I'm grading them, not an assessment of your skills, right?

I bet this one's the English teacher.

For language teachers this is a fact, so it wouldn't be funny.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby ars111 » Sun Dec 04, 2011 2:09 am UTC

My teacher (that passed away) always mention us that "One good teacher in a lifetime may sometimes change a delinquent into a solid citizen."

And my favorite quote is "I have discovered such wonderful things that I was amazed… Out of nothing I have created a strange new universe."

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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby TheChewanater » Sat Dec 17, 2011 5:51 am UTC

During chem the other day, the class was shouting out answers to a workbook question, but no one was getting it right.

Dr. L: "It's the Ka!"

T: But I said that like five minutes ago!

(Everyone was pretty much silent for a moment)

Dr. L: *Crawls on hands and knees, goes over to T, kisses his shoe, then gets back up.*

Dr. L: Now you will never forget this day.


There are a lot of crazy quotes and anecdotes from him that I should take the time to remember.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Whelan » Sat Dec 17, 2011 10:28 am UTC

My Lecturer wrote:And that's a picture of an elephant with a nice erection, showing it's not only Humans who have big penises.
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby MisterCheif » Sun Dec 18, 2011 12:41 am UTC

My physics teacher has some hilarious test and quiz questions. Here are some highlights from last years tests.

Hydrochloric Bob, the famous superhero, is running away from his arch-nemesis, the nuclear physicist Professor Quark, at 5m/s. If Hydrochloric Bob then gets tuckered out and slows down at 0.4m/s/s, what will his velocity be after 5 seconds.


He continued on with the Hydrochloric Bob questions throughout the year, with him doing things such as running to catch a twinkie falling from a building, falling from a plane himself and slowing himself by shooting hydrochloric acid downward, and culminating in this:

Hydrochloric Bob, the famous superhero, has just been released from the hospital following his rather exciting tumble from a plane. Eager to get back to his heroic ways, he tracks the movement of a robin as it ruthlessly 'trespasses' on one vehicle after another before flying away to a high voltage power line. Bob studies his adversary: the way the bird sits smugly on its perch; its glassy, uncaring eyes; the bluntness of its beak. There is no hope, he decides, of reforming the bird - it is too far gone. He must destroy it. He immediately unleashes a continuous stream of HCl at the bird. Though he narrowly misses the foul beast (not to be confused with a fowl beast), he does not miss the wire. The HCl immediately dissolves the insulating rubber and, because it is a continuous stream, allows a current to flow back through Bob and into the ground. [Information relevant to actually solving the problem here].
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Monika » Sun Dec 18, 2011 6:53 pm UTC

Hydrochloric Bob ftw! :lol:
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Re: Awesome Teacher Quotes

Postby Spitz » Sun Dec 18, 2011 11:02 pm UTC

"That's right, when the zombie apocalypse happens, I'll be prepared."- My Oral Comm. Professor


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