The Xkcd Cookbook (with an unfinished index in the OP)

Apparently, people like to eat.

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Gojoe
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Gojoe » Tue Nov 11, 2008 11:15 pm UTC

Alpha Omicron wrote:Note that the type of 'rock candy' shown in the image in Gojoe's post is AWESOME!
Yes, yes it is. To the max!

And an update. Apparently what I was making was what i depicted in my above post, just not in crystallized form. Instead of dipping a string in, you just pour it, and let it set.
michaelandjimi wrote:Oh Mr Gojoe
I won't make fun of your mojo.
Though in this fora I serenade you
I really only do it to aid you.
*Various positive comments on your masculinity
That continue on into infinity*

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby TheStranger » Tue Nov 11, 2008 11:50 pm UTC

Here is an easy desert that I first had in Osaka... its fairly easy and very healthy (depending on how you set it up).

Yogurt
Vanilla Ice Cream
Red Bean paste
Three fruits of your choice

Slice up the fruit relatively thin
place a moderate sized scoop of ice cream in the middle of a bowl
place the red bean paste in one quarter, then each fruit in it's own quarter.
put enough yogurt to cover the fruit, but not enough to cover the ice cream.
enjoy.

When I first had it there was kiwi, a jello of some sort, and strawberries. I've never been able to locate the jello that was used (it was fairly flavorless) so I've cut it out of my subsequent attempts.

The last time I made it I did not have any red bean paste... so I just used fruit (kiwi, banana, apple, and blueberry)
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Jared D
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Re:

Postby Jared D » Wed Nov 12, 2008 4:29 am UTC

Owijad wrote:Well, in the aftermath of Easter I found a neat little recipe.

deep fried peeps wrote:Step 1) Don't.
Step 2) I'm not kidding. Just don't.


I lol'd hard.

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ishikiri
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby ishikiri » Sat Nov 15, 2008 11:28 pm UTC

Achewood/Ishi Chicken.

This is a cobbling together of two Achewood cookbook recipes, slightly modified plus a couple of tricks my parents came up with. I made it earlier - its actually the first time I've cooked a chicken, its the tastiest thing I've ever cooked.

Required:
1 Chicken around 2KG/4-5lbs
8 lts/2 gallons of water
5 cloves of Garlic
1 cup of salt
1/2 cup of sugar
1 can of beer/lager
Half and onion, shredded.
Butter

Fill a large container (I use a stew pot) and fill it to about 3/4 full with water (you probably won't need as much as I suggested) and mix in the salt and sugar until the water is clear. You could probably experiment with different kinds of sugar, I used white can sugar.
Crush three garlic cloves, cut them in half and bung them in the water.
Cut the string on the chickens legs so they fall apart and put the chicken in the pot. You
ll have to hold it down for about a minute or so to get att the air out so its properly submerged.
Put the lid on and leave in the fridge for about 24 hours. This will soften up the meat and and tonnes of flavour :D

After 24 hours a'brining take the chicken out of the water. If you're squeamish about handling meat then you probably won't be after this point. Whilst you do this pre-heat your oven to 400f/210C/Gas mark 6-7 and drink half of your can of beer.
Find or cut an opening between the flesh and skin, the easiest part to start off in is the ass-end of the bird. Get some butter in your hands and work it between the meat and the skin all over the bird. After you do this take some salt and rub it into the outside of the skin.

Take your half full can of beer and cut the top off with a pair of scissors. Add the onions and the other two crushed garlic cloves.
Then hold the bird upright like it is stood up and push the can into the hole. It should look like its sat on a stool.
Stick this on a cooking tray covered with foil, shiny-side down and chuck it in the oven for an hour and a half.

Don't bother to make veg or anything. Just lift it off the can, bang it on a plate the eat it with a SO in front of the TV. Then have messy, messy sex all licking chicken grease off of each other and getting stains on the couch. If you don't like your SO then pretend they're Nigella Lawson or Gordon Ramsey, because you know thats what they do on a tuesday night when the kid are in bed.

Enjoy :D
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Absolute » Sun Nov 16, 2008 2:06 am UTC

Modification of the above:
Use brown sugar instead of white in the brine, stir thouroughly or else it won't fully disolve. Use a hoppy ale (I use peachtree pale ale, my ideal would be one of the Stone Brewing Co. specialty ales but I can't get them anymore) instead of a lager. The higher alcohol content makes the meat more tender, and it leaves a subtle hop flavor which complements barbecue very well. Don't stick the bottle in there, use an aluminum can from something else with the top cut off. I usually do this on the grill with the lit coals pushed to one side, and the bird on the opposite side.
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ishikiri
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby ishikiri » Sun Nov 16, 2008 4:13 am UTC

Absolute wrote:Modification of the above:
Use brown sugar instead of white in the brine, stir thouroughly or else it won't fully disolve. Use a hoppy ale (I use peachtree pale ale, my ideal would be one of the Stone Brewing Co. specialty ales but I can't get them anymore) instead of a lager. The higher alcohol content makes the meat more tender, and it leaves a subtle hop flavor which complements barbecue very well. Don't stick the bottle in there, use an aluminum can from something else with the top cut off. I usually do this on the grill with the lit coals pushed to one side, and the bird on the opposite side.

Hmm. . . I was actually going to suggest not using a strong-flavoured beer types like ale or stout as they seem to be normally used with red meats i.e. Steak and Ale/Guinness pies or ale sauce with Braising steak.

This requires experimentation :D

I wonder what you could do with pork and a can of strongbow?
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Absolute
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Absolute » Sun Nov 16, 2008 8:21 am UTC

ishikiri wrote:Hmm. . . I was actually going to suggest not using a strong-flavoured beer types like ale or stout as they seem to be normally used with red meats i.e. Steak and Ale/Guinness pies or ale sauce with Braising steak.

This requires experimentation :D

I wonder what you could do with pork and a can of strongbow?

My attempts with really malty beers inside a chicken haven't worked out too well, it ends up with kind of a burnt taste. Cooking in an oven set to a lower temp, instead of grilling, may solve this.
I think Strongbow, or any cider, would go really well with lamb. To avoid the burning issue, I'm going to try searing the meat briefly,setting up the can, then finishing it in a 325F oven. Not sure how I'm going to arrange the can to get the steam in without the fat dripping out.

Another idea I had was using either a high-proof Imperial Stout or a barleywine in place of red wine in a marinade/reduction sauce for some really gamey meat like rabbit or venison. Haven't tried that one yet though.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby lysandra » Mon Dec 01, 2008 6:45 am UTC

This is the curry noodle recipe I wrote up today. Tasty!

http://blog.blagofaire.com/2008/12/01/22/

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Matsi » Fri Dec 05, 2008 11:20 pm UTC

I made some Snert today (Traditional Dutch split-pea soup) and thought I'd share the recipe:

Snert wrote:500 gr Split Peas
1 Pig's Trotter (Or just some meat on a bone, about 300 g should suffice in that case)
4-5 leafs of Laurel
2 Large Onions, chopped
2 Large Potatoes, diced
1 Large Carrot, chopped
200 g Diced Bacon
2 Leeks, chopped
A Bunch of Celery
1 Medium/Large Celeriac, diced
1 Smoked Sausage
2 L Water
Salt and Pepper to taste
1/2 Bouillon cube

Wash the Split Peas, put them in a pan with the Wate,r Bouillon cube, Celery, Laurel and the Pig's Trotter. Bring to a boil, then scoop the scum from the top and boil on a low fire for 45-60 minutes. Keep an eye on it to make sure there's nothing getting stuck to the bottom, this could lead to burnt peas and a horrible taste.

Take out the Pig's trotter, Laurel and Celery. Debone the Pig's trotter (for a real traditional soup, make sure you keep all the gristle and fatty bits) and add the meat (and possibly the other bits that are not bone) back to the soup. Add the chopped Leeks, Onion and Carrot and the diced Potatoes, Celeriac, and Bacon, and some salt if you like salty soup. Boil on a low fire for at least an hour (once again, keep an eye on it to make sure there's no layer on the bottom that starts to get burned, stir every 5 minutes or so. Add some water if you think it becomes too thick for your taste, but it's probably not necessary).

Then add the smoked sausage and add more salt and pepper to taste. Keep boiling on a low fire for another 5-10 minutes. Take out the smoked sausage and cut it up, either add it back before serving or serve on the side.


This soup is extremely thick, and will become nearly solid if allowed to cool down to room temperature. I like to add my own little twists on this recipe, so for the soup i made today i added a few dried red chillies when making the base of the soup. Took them out too with the Laurel etc. I also added half a spoon of curry powder.
Last edited by Matsi on Fri Dec 19, 2008 5:53 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Sandry » Mon Dec 15, 2008 1:28 am UTC

I'm going to make Cheddar Gouda Beer Soup again. I tried it a few weeks back, and it was so good that it's just constantly in my head as "you should do this. It would be a good idea." This amuses me because usually I'm a health nut, and this soup is so not healthy. Good, though!

Ingredients:
4 tbsp butter
2 medium to large leeks
3 stalks celery
4 potatoes
2 carrots
5 cloves garlic
1/4 cup flour
2 cups veggie broth
2 cups milk or cream (depending on how ridiculous you want to be)
12 oz beer (I've been using an amber ale. I would recommend "not crap, not stout," but beyond that, go nuts)
3 cups shredded cheese - I've been doing a two to one blend of cheddar to smoked gouda
spices to taste

Clean and chop all veggies beforehand.
Sautee leeks in butter. Add garlic, then other veggies. Add flour and cook a few minutes, then add broth. (If things are in any danger of getting unfortunate, add veggie broth earlier.) Allow this to simmer for at least fifteen minutes so the potatoes have a chance to cook a bit. Now add the beer, then the shredded cheese. Add the milk or cream last, when you're nearing readiness, season as desired.

I've been serving this over a bed of spinach leaves because I am just that antsy about how unhealthy this is. :P
Last edited by Sandry on Tue Dec 16, 2008 6:36 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Alpha Omicron » Mon Dec 15, 2008 1:47 am UTC

Matsi wrote:I made some Snert today (Traditional Dutch split-pea soup) and thought I'd share the recipe:
*snipsnipsnip*

Note that the symbol for grams is 'g'. Not 'gr'.
Last edited by Alpha Omicron on Tue Dec 16, 2008 12:50 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Bakemaster » Mon Dec 15, 2008 5:38 pm UTC

Sandry wrote:Allow this to simmer for at least fifteen minutes so the potatoes have a chance to cook a bit.

*looks back at ingredient list*
...the what?
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I just spent two hours absorbing this thread. I'm hopeless.

Postby cerbie » Tue Dec 16, 2008 8:47 am UTC

Here's a coupleseveral recent recent foods that turned out wonderfully. All measurements are approximations of what was used. If you don't eye-ball the measurements, you'll jinx it. All garlic is assumed to be whole, then smashed with a knife, and then added to the dish. The amount should be limited by supply and laziness. Less garlic is better than using stuff from a jar.

Oh me yarm Am I in Heaven Cabbage Soup wrote:2 quarts water
2Tbsp olive oil
1 large onion
1 rubber band thingie green onions
2 ribs celery
carrots, to taste (I used maybe 1/4lb of baby carrots that needed to be used up, throwing out half the package)
2lb tomatoes (I used a 28oz can, because they were cheap)
3/4 head of cabbage
2Tbsp apple cider vinegar
hot peppers, to taste
1/2 bulb garlic
Old Bay
Misc. herbs you have around, to taste

1) Chop up, not too finely, the onion, green onion, celery, and carrots. Put aside half of the onions.
2) Heat the olive oil in a large pot, adding the onions set aside once hot, and your peppers. Once they start to become golden and soft, remove them.
3) Heat the water in the pot. While that goes on, chop the cabbage into bite-sized pieces.
4) Once the water is boiling, add the veggies and tomatoes (but not those onions that were just cooked).
5) Boil the crap out of it for 20 minutes.
6) With a hand-held food processor, puree the solid contents in the hot water. Alternatively, strain it, puree it, then add the puree back in.
7) Heat up again. This time, once it boils, add the reserved cooked onions, garlic, apple cider vinegar, herbs, and any other seasonings (that is, however much Old Bay is needed to properly salt it :)), and cabbage. Boil until the cabbage softens, 10-20 minutes.
8 ) Eat with a velvety lager (Sam Adams Black Lager or Octoberfest), or light wine (FI, Yellow Tale's cabernet, chardonnay, or riesling--whichever is on sale).

I've now made some variations. Notes:
1. Starting with bacon (bacon with the onions and olive oil), adding diced potatoes, and eating it with sausage and mustard on the side, to complete the meal...glorious.
2. Plain green cabbage is best. Savory cabbage is easier to chop, but does not have the sweet flavor or chewiness. It ends up tasting kind of like V8.
3. Don't use pickled peppers. The bitterness and 'quick heat' do not mesh well with the tomato and celery flavors, textures, and aromas. If you don't have fresh hot peppers, serving it with hot sauce is a better option.
4. You can add other veggies at the beginning, with the onions. But, don't avoid the step of cooking the onions and oil. I tried it, out of laziness, and it leaves the soup somewhat flat. Cooking them afterwards, then adding in, helped a bit (the woody flavor of cooked olive oil is a big part of it, I think). Also, Canola oil works OK, if not as good as olive oil.
5. If it is too bitter (old cabbage, old celery, unripe tomatoes, etc.), try adding honey, sage, and parsley.
I honestly would not have expected cabbage soup to be all that great. Not bad, but likely only a good way to use of stuff in the fridge. Instead, it turned out to be one of the best things I've eaten in months. The combined flavor of apple cider vinegar, tomatoes (with nothing to cut their bite), carrots, and cabbage is unbelievable. It's also easy, and requires very little cleanup work.

The Envy of Helper(tm) wrote:12" cast iron skillet
2Tbsp flour
2Tbsp olive oil
2Tbsp butter
1 medium onion, or more, and maybe green onions, bell pepper, etc.
1/4lb grated parmesan, romano, or cheddar cheese (do it yourself!)
1 cup half & half or heavy cream (cream > h&h, whole milkm will separate)
1Tbsp cornstarch and 1/3 cup water (optional)
1lb meat
1/2-1lb pasta (1lb for rotini or farfale(sp), 1/2lb for elbows or penne)

This is a template, not a complete recipe, and the result of months of experimentation. I've always liked the Helper style boxed meals, even though they were too sweet, and generally are nasty. This is the result of trying to make dishes like them, but from scratch, and better. This helps makes awesome meals of that kind, in around 45 minutes.

1) Heat the oil and flour in the skillet on medium, until they mix well. Add onions, and any other veggies, heating on medium until just softened. Make sure there's plenty of fat, to keep it all from sticking. Begin cooking the pasta as soon as you add the veggies. Optionally, if you're using bacon, add it now, not with the rest of the meat.
2) Turn the heat up, add meat. Around the time the meat is cooked, the pasta should be done. If not, leave the meat on low, adding small amounts of water to keep it from burning/drying. If the meat isn't cooked yet, cut it smaller, next time.
3) Turn heat off, drain pasta, then quickly add pasta to the skillet (it should still be steaming).
4) Stir in the pasta, then add the half & half or cream, then the cheese, stirring the whole time (it should all be done within a minute, maybe less). You will likely need to stir by scooping out and dumping, until the cream is in there.
5A) Stir a little more, until it thickens a bit (which is also cooling it down). It shouldn't take more than a minute after it's all mixed together. It will be obvious when it thickens, in case you're thinking, "how much should it thicken up before I stop stirring?"
5B) Optionally, add the cornstarch and water, and then stir it, for the same kind of slick texture as boxed meals.
6) Remove from stove, serve, and eat.

If cleaning the skillet is difficult, you need to use more olive oil at the beginning. If it has too much of a bite, or too rustic a flavor, add some parsley.


'But, I'm a Lazy American!' Chana Masala wrote:1lb dry chickpeas
8oz butter
2 medium onions (vidalia preferred)
hot peppers (I like to use thai chilis, or some finger-hots), to taste
1 big tomato
2tsp freshly grated yellow turmeric
2tsp freshly grated ginger
1Tbsp cumin seeds
1Tbsp coriander seeds
1tsp mustard seeds
1 bulb of garlic, divided in half.
If you have some garamasala, 1tsp of it, powdered. If not, a wee bit (1/4tsp each) of clove and cinnamon will do well enough.
Salt, to taste

1) Let the chickpeas soak overnight. They should have a light froth on the water in the morning, and be 2-4 times larger. Drain.
2) Chop the onions up very finely. As in, coarsely chop, then put them in a food processor.
3) Cut up the peppers however you like. Wash your hands now, or you will regret it! If you're fine not washing your hands after this, you should look for better quality chilis in your area (FI, I have a specific Indian grocer I get mine from).
4) Grate the turmeric like parmesan cheese. The stub that can't be grated (without grating your fingertip) can be added to the onion, if you want, before processing.
5) In a cast iron skillet, melt the butter on medium heat. Add the onion, mustard seeds, cumin seeds, and coriander seeds. When the onion is very golden, kind of flaky, and no longer steams off violently (as in, you're doing this so as not to need to fry the onions in ghee, nor toast the seeds), add the ginger, turmeric, and garlic. If you want light pepper flavor, with minimal heat, add peppers now. And, uh, salt.
6) Chop the tomato into big chunks (it will be cooked into mush). Let any juices stay on the cutting board.
7) After that stuff is mixed in, add the chickpeas, tomato (including watery drainage), and half the garlic. If you want bright and hot pepper flavor, add them now.
8 ) Cook on low, stirring occasionally, for an hour or two. The chickpeas should be similar to al dente pasta (firm and springy, but not crunchy).
9) Add the remaining garlic, and garamasala, cooking for another 10-15 minutes.
10) Serve alone, or over rice, couscous, tough bread (like french bread), etc.. IMO, it's best over sticky long grain white rice (but, I'm a white southerner--there is truth to that saying).

Sweet and rich curry variant: ditch the mustard and tomato; add a 8-11oz can of coconut milk, and a little bit of cilantro, about half an hour before the final garlic addition.


Crunchy Quick Tortilla Snacks wrote:Small corn tortillas from a local Mexican grocer, made locally.
1/4tsp Kosher salt per tortilla
olive oil
Toaster oven

Get several tortillas in a stack, salt in a small bowl, and olive oil in a small bowl. Get olive oil all over one hand, and coat each tortilla, placing it in the toaster oven. They can overlap a bit. Sprinkle salt over them all. Toast them, and wash your hands. They should be chewy, stiff, and flavorful; but not brittle.


Seriously, try the cabbage soup.

Now I need to clean up from cooking tonight, and play some nethack (I accidentally quit (w/o saving) after finding a deli, so I'm pissed about that, and thinking of it when dealing with food IRL, because I die of starvation so often).
Last edited by cerbie on Sat Jan 24, 2009 6:54 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Sandry » Tue Dec 16, 2008 6:36 pm UTC

Bakemaster wrote:
Sandry wrote:Allow this to simmer for at least fifteen minutes so the potatoes have a chance to cook a bit.

*looks back at ingredient list*
...the what?

...knew I missed something! Danke - fixed!
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Matsi » Fri Dec 19, 2008 5:52 pm UTC

Alpha Omicron wrote:
Matsi wrote:I made some Snert today (Traditional Dutch split-pea soup) and thought I'd share the recipe:
*snipsnipsnip*

Note that the symbol for grams is 'g'. Not 'gr'.


Thanks, fixed. Not sure what i was thinking 0.o

cerbie wrote:Seriously, try the cabbage soup.


I think I will this weekend. Cabbage always sounds like such a boring ingredient, but i have been pleasantly surprised by a couple of recipes before. I'll try to pry my mum's recipe for cabbage curry from her hands and post it here sometime.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby kaitou » Tue Dec 23, 2008 8:44 pm UTC

A fairly simple, but excellent Fettuccine Alfredo. Serves 4.

Fettuccine Alfredo wrote:1 lb (box) of fettuccine
4 Tbs butter
1.5 cup heavy cream
1 cup Parmesan cheese (freshly grated is best)
nutmeg (again, freshly grated is best)
salt and pepper (I prefer white pepper, but black will do)

Bring water to a boil and cook pasta per box directions.
While the pasta is cooking, melt butter in a pan, then add cream and half of the Parmesan.
Simmer to thicken sauce, stirring often to prevent burning.
When the pasta is done, drain completely and add to the sauce.
Add the remaining cheese, salt, pepper and nutmeg.
Toss well.


The whole thing takes less than 20 minutes. You can easily add other things into the recipe (e.g., shrimp or other seafood, mushrooms). Even better if you make your own pasta. For a different dish, you can use something like Gorgonzola in place of the Parmesan.
Adapted from Quick & Easy Pasta Recipes by Simmons.
Last edited by kaitou on Wed Mar 25, 2009 7:59 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Nath » Fri Dec 26, 2008 12:00 pm UTC

Mushroom ragout

Loosely based on this recipe, adapted to use ingredients I had handy.

Melt some butter.
Throw in sliced mushrooms, a small pinch of salt, and a generous amount of ground black pepper.
Wait till the liquid comes out of the mushrooms, and mostly evaporates.
Throw in some minced garlic, and stir for a minute or so. Turn the heat to low-medium.
Splash in some milk and a little soy sauce. Also, some dried (or fresh) thyme. I also added a tiny amount of rice vinegar, but it probably wasn't enough to make a difference.
Add a decent amount of finely grated Parmesan. This is why you didn't need much salt.
Stir and let it thicken for a while. Don't let it get above a light simmer.
Test seasoning, pour onto something, and dig in.

Like the source recipe, I ate it on garlic toast. (With fresh homemade bread -- another successful experiment.)

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Tasty snacks

Postby PAstrychef » Fri Dec 26, 2008 7:12 pm UTC

I got tired of finding only sweet protein bars so I worked up this recipe. You can wrap and freeze them, they thaw pretty fast.
Thai-style meal bars
You need three bowls, a whisk, a rubber spatula, a 9x13 pan and measuring cups and spoons. A food processor is nice but not necessary.

Bowl 1
5 T UNFLAVORED whey protein powder*
3/4 cup (3.25 oz.) Whole wheat flour
1/4 cup ground flaxseed
1/3 cup oat bran
1/4 cup wheat germ
2 cups rolled oats-toasted
1/2 cup dried coconut milk*
1/4 teaspoon salt

Bowl 2
6 oz frozen corn, or one can, drained
4 cloves garlic minced fine or run through a garlic press
1/2 cup chopped Thai basil
1/2 cup chopped cilantro
two jalapenos minced
1 habenero minced*
1T ginger, minced or run through a garlic press
1 T chili paste with garlic*
3 oz turkey jerky*
Bowl 3
12 oz silken tofu
1/2 cup cottage cheese*
2 large eggs
5 egg whites
3 T peanut butter
1/2 cup evaporated milk
Heat oven to 350, line pan with parchment paper and spray with pan spray (or brush with oil)
Stir the dry ingredients together.
Buzz the basil, cilantro, hot peppers, chili paste, garlic and ginger in the food processor (if you have one) until you have a fine mince. Other wise just keep chopping until everything is in tiny bits.
Chop the jerky and buzz in FP until it's in small bits, or again, just chop it small.
Whisk everything in bowl 3 together until it's smooth.
Add everything that started in bowl 2, then stir in the dry ingredients.
Spread evenly in the pan and bake for about 20-25 minutes, Let cool in the pan for a while then turn out and cut into bars. My testers liked bars about 4" x 3".
******
I use Sweet dairy whey protein because it was the smallest package I could get the first time I tired these. Most times you have to get a barrel of the stuff.
Use fewer hot peppers, or more, as to taste. I also added about 1T of habenero sauce to the last batch for my hot-pepper freak. He loved it.
I found the dry coconut milk powder at the Vietnamese grocery. Regular coconut milk will work fine-use 1/2 cup and reduce the evaporated milk to 1/4 cup.
The chili garlic paste I use is Lan Chi brand, use whatever you find locally.
I use whole milk cottage cheese because I hate the 2% stuff. You can save a few grams of fat by using the lowfat stuff.
I use the FP to mix the bowl 3 stuff, because otherwise there's lumps of tofu speckling your bars.
Let me know what you think. I'm going to try a beef version next time. When I get some suitable bison I may make some jerky and use that.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Alpha Omicron » Sun Dec 28, 2008 12:59 am UTC

Nath wrote:Mushroom ragout

Marked '[IMPORTANT]' and filed for future reference.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby IuliC » Thu Jan 01, 2009 11:41 pm UTC

Pie. Everyone loves pie, so here's my favorite recipe. The best part is it's all ingredients I have lying around, so I never have to go out and buy stuff.

Butterscotch Pie

Crust: 4 parts flour, 2 parts shortening, 1 part water, dash of salt. Cut in, chill, roll and bake. (15 minutes at 425.) 2 cups of flour is a bit much for one pie 9" pie crust, but probably the easiest. Throw in a tablespoon of powdered sugar if you like your crust sweet.

Filling: Whisk 3 egg yolks, 2 cups of milk, 1/2 tsp of vanilla, four tablespoon of flour, and a dash of salt together. Proceed to ignore it. In a medium saucepan, melt together 1 cup of brown sugar and 1/4 cup butter. Cook it for a minute after they melt, and then stir in (slowly!) the milk mixture. Continue cooking and stirring until you get a nice, pudding-y consistency. Do not leave it alone or entrust it to small children who will walk away. It will get lumpy. And don't worry about getting it really dense, it thickens as it cools. Now, stick it in your crust and you're good to go.

Do whatever you want with the whites but for the love of god don't make a meringue to put on top. It's sweet-on-sweet, too close in texture, and yucky.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby ParanoidDrone » Thu Jan 08, 2009 12:19 am UTC

My Southern heritage is showing. Fancier versions of "meat, rice, and gravy," anyone?

Chicken Version wrote:Chop up an onion and sautee it and a few heaping spoonfuls of minced garlic in as much butter as you're comfortable with. Add boneless chicken breasts, one per person, season with whatever you want, and cook until the outside is no longer pink. Pour in a mixture of 1 part milk and 2 parts condensed cream of chicken soup. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer for 30 minutes. Serve over rice.

Beef Version wrote:Sautee an onion, a bell pepper, and garlic in butter. Add beef that's been cut up into bite size pieces. (Leftover steak or similar items are great for this, but raw works too.) Cook through if not using leftovers, then mix up a generous amount of brown gravy and pour it in. Bring to a boil, maintaining heat to finish cooking the meat if necessary, and serve over rice.

You can add carrots, mushrooms, etc. to either if you want. Forgive the lack of measurements, but I don't exactly measure much myself anymore.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby quintopia » Thu Jan 08, 2009 5:12 am UTC

Absolute wrote:Modification of the above:
Use brown sugar instead of white in the brine, stir thouroughly or else it won't fully disolve. Use a hoppy ale (I use peachtree pale ale, my ideal would be one of the Stone Brewing Co. specialty ales but I can't get them anymore) instead of a lager. The higher alcohol content makes the meat more tender, and it leaves a subtle hop flavor which complements barbecue very well. Don't stick the bottle in there, use an aluminum can from something else with the top cut off. I usually do this on the grill with the lit coals pushed to one side, and the bird on the opposite side.


I have some Peachtree Pale in the fridge, but I don't have a chicken. Maybe I'll save a bottle until I do. Or maybe I'll drink it all and try this with Dogfish Head 90min IPA.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Nath » Sun Jan 18, 2009 1:43 pm UTC

14 pages, and no chicken curry? This must be remedied.

Chicken curry wrote:1 package of chicken (I used about 0.7 lbs/0.3kg)
1 medium onion
Some tomato, 1/2 tin or equivalent
1 tsp crushed or diced garlic (can used bottled)
0.5 tsp crushed or diced ginger (")
1 tsp cumin
1 tsp coriander powder
Garam masala, or spices to taste (I used powdered cloves and cinnamon; some cardamom would have been standard)
Chili powder, salt, pepper to taste
A few sliced mushrooms (non-traditional and optional, but good). Or, try it with green pepper, chickpeas, potatoes or whatever.
Some chillies
Oil for frying

Optional step zero: on medium-high heat, sear the chicken till it gets a nice well-done outer layer and is raw inside. Remove and store on a plate.

Slice the onions. For large pieces of chicken, I leave them in thin vertical strips. For small pieces, dice.
Heat oil. Add onions, cumin, coriander, pepper, a little salt. Also, mushrooms, if you're using them.
You won't really be able to see the onions' colour under all that spice, but stir them around till you think they'd be nice and brown.
Add the ginger and garlic. Give them a minute, stirring.
Add the tomato, diced, and more salt. Cook briefly to get rid of the water, resulting in a nice spicy, pastey thing.
Add chillies, sliced. I used large chunks of serrano.
Put in the spices, including chili powder. Stir.
Add chicken and a bit of water, depending on how thick you want it. Stir.
Cover and simmer lightly till the chicken is done to your liking. Test seasoning.

It's ready to eat now, but there are multiple ways to finish it if you want:
  • If you want the sauce a little thicker and shinier, take the sauce off the heat, throw in a bit of butter, and keep it moving till it melts.
  • If you want a creamy sauce, put in some yoghurt. (If you don't like it separated, temper it: pour a little sauce into a bowl of yoghurt, stir it around, and pour it back. Heat through, but don't boil.)
  • You can throw some coriander leaves and/or sliced green chillies on top.

This is, of course, absurdly customizable. Works with any meat. Works great with boiled eggs instead of meat; just cut a few lengthwise slits for the sauce to soak in. Goes with rice, roti, leavened bread, whatever.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby atimholt » Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:19 am UTC

Here's a recipe and an experiment:
Ingredients:
1. Chocolate (this is always the first ingredient). The melting kind
2. Ritz crackers
3. peanut butter. crunchy is awesome, but not required or even that much better.

Directions:
1. Spread peanut butter onto Ritz crackers and place another cracker on the top of each. You'll get those sandwich cracker things. I guess, if you wanted, you could buy the mini ones from the store like that, but this isn't that friggin' hard.
2. Melt the chocolate. Some melting chocolate will hold its shape until you actually stir it. I learned this the hard way once.
3. Recipes can get really obvious sometimes, but a recipe book gains a type of professional air when each step is listed in clinical language-- no matter how obvious it is what you're supposed to do. Dip the sandwich crackers in the chocolate. Place on wax paper.

The zeroth step--refraining from eating the chocolate--is essential, but it isn't really part of the recipe, so I'm placing it here.


And here's my experiment:
lol

Result:
I knew it! haha!
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Alpha Omicron » Mon Jan 19, 2009 5:50 am UTC

atimholt wrote:And here's my experiment:
¡This cheese is burning me!

Result:
I knew it! haha!

Note the "Preview" button.
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Taco Bake

Postby wisnij » Thu Jan 22, 2009 9:54 pm UTC

Taco Bake wrote:
Software:
  • 1 lb. ground meat (any sort you like... beef, lamb and turkey all work well)
  • 1 cup diced yellow onion (about one smallish onion's worth)
  • 1 red bell pepper, diced
  • Pinch of salt
  • 1-4 cloves of garlic, finely minced (depending on how you feel about garlic)
  • A:
    • 15-oz can tomato sauce
    • 1/4 cup brown sugar
    • 1/2 cup ketchup
    • 2 tsp. yellow mustard
    • 2 tsp. chili powder
    • (optional) a shot or two of hot sauce
  • 1 cup Bisquick
  • 1/2 cup cornmeal
  • 1 cup milk
  • 2 eggs
  • (optional) 1 Tbsp. sesame seeds.

Hardware:
  • large skillet, saute pan or fry pan
  • 8.5" x 11" baking dish (approximately; mine looks like this but anything similarly sized should work)
  • oven set to 400 deg F

Procedure:
  1. Brown the meat in the pan, breaking it up into small chunks as it cooks.
  2. Add the onion, bell pepper and a pinch of salt, and cook until the vegetables are soft and translucent. Add the garlic and cook one more minute.
  3. Add A and a few grinds of black pepper and stir to combine evenly. Pour the mixture into the baking dish once the ingredients are well-mixed and heated through.
  4. Beat the eggs together with the milk. Combine the Bisquick and cornmeal in a bowl and pour the liquid mixture over, stirring until it comes to a batter-like consistency. Pour over the meat mixture in the baking dish. Sprinkle the sesame seeds over the top.
  5. Bake uncovered for 20-25 minutes, then cool on the counter for 10 minutes.
  6. Before slicing, run a thin knife around the inside perimeter of the baking dish, in order to keep the topping from sticking to the baking dish. This will make extraction much easier.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby cerbie » Fri Feb 06, 2009 8:28 pm UTC

Two days of stewed chicken wrote:Day 1: chicken in crema sauce
1.5 quarts water
2 chicken breasts, bone-in, skin-on (preferably when on sale and/or short-dated)
1Tbsp canola oil
1 onion (whatever kind you have), chopped however you like
2 serranos, chopped however you like
several cloves of garlic
1/2c orange juice (alternatively, 1Tbsp lime juice)
6" or so corn or wheat tortillas (wheat are easier to handle, but if you can get fresh corn ones, they're worth it)
1 14oz can of tomatoes, or about as much fresh chopped tomatoes
1 cup crema (AKA table cream) or sour cream
3-4 cups cooked rice, however you like it (such as Spanish rice)
salt, cumin, cinnamon, and oregano to taste

1. Heat up the water, adding the chicken, spices, garlic, and orange juice. Once it boils, lower the heat, and simmer the chicken for 20-30 minutes.
2. Remove chicken, and let cool. Then remove the skin and meat with a fork (discard skin).
3. In a new saucepan, add Canola oil, and cook the onion, serrano, and tomatoes, until most of the water from the tomatoes is gone.
4. Add the chicken, with a little bit of broth (1Tbsp or so), and stir it up. Once well-mixed, add the crema, and mix up again. Let simmer on low heat until most of the excess moisture is gone. Add spices to taste. Note that the result will generally be more watery with sour cream.
5. Prepare tortillas.
6. Add chicken and sauce to tortillas, and nom until full.

Day 2: rice porage
Leftover chicken+sauce
Leftover broth
Leftover rice
eggs, poached or fried, with runny yolks

1. Warm up the broth in a larger pot than is needed to fit it.
2. Once it's getting near boiling, add the leftover rice, and stir to break it up. If you want, you can add any other vegetable matter you like.
3. Let it simmer for 10-15 minutes, to smooth and thicken. Stir often.
4. Begin making the eggs, and add the chicken and sauce to the broth and rice, stirring and allowing it to mix well and warm up.
5. Scoop into bowls, add one or more eggs on top of each bowl. Nom until gone.
Pork would work just as well as chicken. Generally, it would do well with some black/white pepper, and longer initial simmering.

A good match for the second meal might be an Orange JuliusDelicious.
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Chicken Paprikash

Postby wisnij » Tue Feb 10, 2009 4:20 am UTC

Chicken Paprikash wrote:
Software:
  • 1 lb. chicken breast meat, cut into bite-sized pieces
  • 1/2 cup plus 2 Tbsp. flour
  • vegetable oil
  • 1 diced yellow onion
  • 2 cloves of garlic, finely minced
  • salt
  • 2-3 Tbsp. paprika
  • 1 cup chicken or vegetable broth
  • 14.5 oz. can of diced tomatoes, drained (you can use fresh tomatoes instead if you like, but this is more convenient)
  • 6 oz. sour cream
  • chopped fresh parsley
  • cooked noodles, spaetzle, or similar starch to serve over

Hardware:
  • large skillet or saute pan with a lid

Procedure:
  1. Toss the chicken pieces in 1/2 cup of the flour and shake off all excess. Warm the oil in the pan and then brown the chicken pieces on all sides over medium heat. Remove to a plate or bowl and increase the heat to high.
  2. Add the onion to the pan along with a pinch of salt, and cook for a few minutes until it starts to turn translucent. Add the garlic and cook one more minute.
  3. Sprinkle the paprika and remaining 2 tablespoons of flour over the onions and stir well to combine. (It's going to get very nasty looking in the pan; that's okay.)
  4. As soon as the flour and paprika are thoroughly integrated with the onions, add the chicken broth and tomatoes, scraping the bottom of the pan to loosen stuck-on bits. Bring the sauce just to a boil, then mix the chicken pieces back in and reduce to a bare simmer. Cover and let it simmer for 30 minutes.
  5. Turn the heat all the way off, then add the sour cream a spoonful at a time, stirring it in after each addition. Because of its high fat content, it will take a minute or two to mix fully into the water-based sauce.
  6. Once the sauce is evenly mixed, spoon over the noodles or other starch substrate and garnish with the parsley. Serve.

Serves: 2-4, depending on how hungry everyone is; it's very filling. The recipe also lends itself well to multiplying into larger quantities without substantially increasing the cooking time.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Zohar » Thu Feb 12, 2009 10:18 am UTC

Awesome lentil soup wrote:Ingredients:
About 500 gr. of dried green lentils.
2 carrots
2 medium onions
Parsley root (not leaves)
Celery (with root is preferable)
5 cloves of garlic
Salt, pepper
Cumin
Some olive oil
Optional - cooking cream (15% fat, here)

Instructions:
1. Dice all the veggies/roots. Do not use the celery leaves.
2. Fry onions in a pot with some oil. After they're softer, add the rest of the vegetables. Stir from time to time, fry for about 2-3 minutes.
3. Meanwhile, wash the lentils well and boil some water (around 2 liters).
4. After you finished frying everything, add the lentils and enough water to cover the vegetables.
5. Bring to a boil, then cook for about 20-30 minutes until all veggies and lentils are soft.
6. Puree the soup in a blender or with a stick thingy to a smooth consistency.
7. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add cumin, be careful with it.
8. If you want to, add the cream, it's really not necessary.


Be very careful with cumin, it could easily ruin your dish to put too much in it. So slowly add the spice.
You don't use the leaves so the soup doesn't sour. But frankly, it gets eaten way too fast in our house, so you can use the leaves if you really want to.
Suggestion: Keep the pot away from you, you'll keep coming back for more and the soup is very filling. So allow about five minutes to rest before you take seconds. :)

Edit: After step 6, add more water if you want to make it less thick.
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby quintopia » Tue Feb 17, 2009 5:35 am UTC

Zohar wrote:Be very careful with cumin, it could easily ruin your dish to put too much in it.


I'm gonna call heresy on this one. Most things taste better with cumin, and the only way to improve things with cumin is MORE CUMIN.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Zohar » Tue Feb 17, 2009 6:49 am UTC

quintopia wrote:
Zohar wrote:Be very careful with cumin, it could easily ruin your dish to put too much in it.


I'm gonna call heresy on this one. Most things taste better with cumin, and the only way to improve things with cumin is MORE CUMIN.


Well obviously you haven't put enough cumin for it to be too much cumin, then. :)
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby itsausername » Wed Feb 18, 2009 10:29 pm UTC

Best Tuna Casserole evar:
(Tuna helper is for wussies)

1 box Kraft Dinner (with the cheese packet)
1 can niblets(small can)
some frozen peas
1 stalk celery, diced small
1/2 an onion, diced small
2 cans tuna light flaked (or not light flaked)
lots of cheese, grated (preferably cheddar, but mozza is cool)
frank's red or louisiana hot sauce for serving ... my gross brother eats it with ketchup.

preheat your oven to 180 C (350 F)
cook the macaroni from the KD and add the cheese like normal(but no milk/butter)
add everything else except the grated cheese in an oven safe dish. I use one of the 4"deep corningware ones, but cakepans/aluminum ones would work fine I think...
cover in grated cheese
bake for about a halfhour or until cheese is melted and it's all hot and delicious.
Serve with too much hot sauce and enjoy :)

My dad made this for us all the time before I moved out and I've been craving it so much lately... it's really cheap to make for a filling dish and therefore wonderful for a college student like me. I would also imagine it's terribly unhealthy, and that makes it even better.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby quintopia » Fri Feb 20, 2009 2:20 am UTC

Zohar wrote:
quintopia wrote:
Zohar wrote:Be very careful with cumin, it could easily ruin your dish to put too much in it.

I'm gonna call heresy on this one. Most things taste better with cumin, and the only way to improve things with cumin is MORE CUMIN.

Well obviously you haven't put enough cumin for it to be too much cumin, then. :)


I tried this: http://events.nytimes.com/recipes/1088/ ... ecipe.html

They're very good, but the recipe is off. If you crack the cumin yourself, be sure to use twice or three times what it calls for. The same goes for the pepper.

Also nice to top them with a lemon zest-sugar mix.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby Matsi » Fri Mar 06, 2009 3:46 am UTC

@Zohar's last recipe: I think this could be improved by adding meat, unless you want to keep it vegetarian. But the protein will add savor while the fat will vastly improve the texture of that soup. Half a pound of pork should do the trick.

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Mawmaw's Banana Bread

Postby aetherealize » Fri Mar 06, 2009 6:50 am UTC

1 1/2 cups sugar
1 stick Oleo
2 eggs, beaten
4 T buttermilk
1 cup crushed bananas
1 cup nuts, chopped
1 1/2 cups self-rising flour
1 t baking soda
1 t vanilla

Cream sugar and Oleo. Add beaten eggs and vanilla, then buttermilk. When everything is creamed together, add dry ingredients. Mix well, then add crushed bananas and nuts. Cook at 350 in two loaf pans until toothpick comes out clean, approx. 45 minutes - 1 hour.
Last edited by aetherealize on Tue Mar 10, 2009 1:31 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Mawmaw's Banana Bread

Postby Amarantha » Fri Mar 06, 2009 10:14 am UTC

Ooo, sounds good :) I might have to try that.

I usually make Shelley Albeluhn's. It's great for using up overripe bananas. Also frozen ones that you didn't want to get overripe (smoothies are also good for that).
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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby crowey » Sun Mar 08, 2009 1:15 am UTC

a chicken thing I made tonight:

4 chicken legs
enough new potatoes for 4 people
2 lemons
friesh rosemary, sage and oregano
pine nuts
4 big tomatoes
250ml wite wine
a red onion (in thin strips)
2 cloves of garlic
some capers
olive oil
salt and pepper.

Heat a roasting tray on the hob, and cook the onion in some olive oil, add the garlic and brown the outside of the chicken until the skin is slightly crispy.
chop the lemons into 1/6ths and take the peel off most of them, add them to the tray, along with everything else (cut the toms into 1/4s). turn the chicken skin side up, pour the wine over the top grind some salt and pepper over the chicken then cover the tray with foil.
Cook in the oven at 180C for 30 mins, romove the foil and cook at 220C for another 30 mins.
:)

Edit: the same recipe works with red wine and no lemons, the resulting sauce is a bit richer, but it's gooood :)

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby miles01110 » Tue Mar 10, 2009 9:09 pm UTC

I had a serious lack of ingredients at my apartment today, but a surprisingly filling dinner is as follows:

-Boil several salt-potato sized potatoes in salt water
-steam some broccoli and melt butter over them
-Upon taking the potatoes out of the boiling water (when they are tender enough to eat), slice them in half and stick a lump of brie in the middle.
-Let that melt for a minute and then mash up the potatoes.
-Mix in broccoli as desired.

Now, this is terribly unhealthy depending on how much brie/butter you use, but it is so good.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby kaitou » Tue Mar 10, 2009 10:16 pm UTC

As promised, here is the recipe I use for tonkatsu sauce (adapted from The Japanese Kitchen by Hiroko Shimbo):

tonkatsu sauce wrote:1/2 c worcestershire sauce
1/4 c sugar
1/4 c soy sauce
1/4 c ketchup
1 Tbsp dijon mustard
1/4 tsp ground allspice

In a saucepan, combine the first 4 ingredients. Cook over low heat
until reduced by 20%. Stir in the mustard and allspice. Remove from
heat and allow to cool.

The sauce will keep refrigerated in a sterile bottle for about a week.


This sauce is not only good for tonkatsu but also tasty on chicken, hamburgers, pork and korokke.

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Re: The Xkcd Cookbook

Postby cerbie » Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:29 pm UTC

Super-savory pasta and cheese wrote:1/2 lb surface-area-heavy pasta, like penne, farfalle, rotini, etc.
2tsp oil (I used canola and olive mixed)
several cloves of garlic, crushed
1 bunch of green onions, chopped (include the dark green bits!)
1tsp chili paste (optional)
3 Tbsp evaporated milk
1/4lb broccoli or Brussels sprouts(optional)
2 to 6 oz cheese, amount to taste (I used cheddar)

1. Start a bunch of water and salt for the pasta, and chop up the green onions. Turn broccoli into bit-sized pieces, or separate Brussels sprouts into leaves.
2. Just as the pasta begins, heat the oil in a small pan, and add green onions and garlic. Once they begin to wilt, add chili paste, if you intend to.
3. Thinly slice or roughly grate the cheese. Don't use so much that you end up with a giant mass of cheese...but you know, cheese is good, so don't skimp, either.
4. Once the pasta is 2-3 minutes from being ready, add the broccoli or brussels sprouts to the pasta water.
5. Drain pasta and stuff, then mix evaporated milk into the onions (this helps make a more creamy sauce--for prefab-level syrupy creaminess, use condensed milk). Don't shake the pasta, rinse it, etc.--just poor in a colander.
6. Mix the cheese into the onions and milk mixture.
7. Stir in the pasta.
8. Stir it as it cools.
9. Eat with something sweet to drink.
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