The worst film you've seen

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby emceng » Sat Sep 15, 2012 10:38 pm UTC

For Hollywood, I thought sci-fi = lots of CGI, but no orcs.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby EvanED » Mon Sep 17, 2012 9:28 pm UTC

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby CorruptUser » Mon Sep 17, 2012 10:49 pm UTC

emceng wrote:For Hollywood, I thought sci-fi = lots of CGI, but no orcs.


Except The 5th Element had both CGI and Orcs. Space Orcs.

Also, depending on the definition of Orc*, that Twilight Zone episode with the "failed" plastic surgery had Orcs, and that clearly was Sci-Fi in its purest form.

*My vague definition is a creature with the general shape of a human with roughly the same attributes, just hideously ugly. Can't have major body parts that humans don't have, such as extra legs or tentacles, but can have things like tusks or thick wrinkled skin. Must have a language and some sentience, so things like CHUDs wouldn't count. Your definition may vary.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Jorpho » Tue Sep 18, 2012 12:18 pm UTC

If you're going to put it that way, surely the Naussicans from Star Trek TNG (and that one episode of Enterprise) qualify?

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby AvatarIII » Tue Sep 18, 2012 12:43 pm UTC

Jorpho wrote:If you're going to put it that way, surely the Naussicans from Star Trek TNG (and that one episode of Enterprise) qualify?


Orcs also need large pointy ears, that's pretty important imho, also not a lot of head hair. Naussicaans fail on both those counts.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby CorruptUser » Tue Sep 18, 2012 8:31 pm UTC

Orcs can have hair and don't necessarily have pointy ears. They are generally brutish and barbaric, often evil but not necessarily always so.

I'd say the Naussicans would qualify. They even have the general role of orcs, according to what I found online, being disorganized and usually working as pirates or bodyguards.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Jorpho » Wed Sep 19, 2012 9:57 pm UTC

CorruptUser wrote:Orcs can have hair and don't necessarily have pointy ears.
Indeed, the Orcs of The Dark Eye (aka Realms of Arkania) are apparently covered in black fur.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby ocean_soul » Fri Sep 21, 2012 1:30 pm UTC

Trash Humpers. If you haven't seen it: the trailer is available via that link but it doesn't really prepare you for the movie itself. Nothing does. Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate. Seriously, people complaining about Troll 2 or Adam Sandler's films or Michal Bay etc: you haven't seen true shit yet :-).

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby UniqueScreenname » Sat Sep 22, 2012 1:16 am UTC

I know I will make people mad, but seriously, The Fifth Element was a terrible, terrible movie. Although I had low hopes from the beginning seeing how Bruce Willis is in it.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Radical_Initiator » Sat Sep 22, 2012 1:21 am UTC

Which is worse, though - Bruce Willis movie, or Bruce Willis music?
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby poxic » Sat Sep 22, 2012 1:34 am UTC

Music is over sooner.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby CorruptUser » Sat Sep 22, 2012 4:48 am UTC

But Bruce Willis had Die Hard, 6th Sense, and Pulp Fiction.

5th Element wasn't terrible, they just needed to kill Chris Rock and make the villain less retarded to make it a great movie.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Dason » Sat Sep 22, 2012 5:11 am UTC

Chris Tucker != Chris Rock
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby CorruptUser » Sat Sep 22, 2012 5:32 am UTC

Yeah they needed to kill him too.

Yeah, my mistake

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby kinigget » Wed Oct 17, 2012 5:53 am UTC

Thinking back, there's a movie I need to up here. It's called Rat Race, it has John Cleese in it but even he couldn't save it.

Plot goes a little like this: supremely bored and supremely rich person gets a bunch of friends together and randomly recruits a bunch of people to take part in a race for a large cash prize, he and his friends then bet on the outcome of said race (and several other utterly stupid things over the course of the movie). Movie then devolves into painfully unfunny humor and an ending that pissed me off.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Jorpho » Wed Oct 17, 2012 5:58 am UTC

I rather liked that one, even though it was clearly flawed.

Did you see It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World? Rat Race is basically a remake of that. (Some people really, really like that one; I think it is severely dated.)

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby kinigget » Wed Oct 17, 2012 6:02 am UTC

I have not. Should I?
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Jorpho » Wed Oct 17, 2012 1:06 pm UTC

If you're willing to count Rat Race as the "worst film you've seen", then you should not purposely seek it out unless you are seeking a new Grand Champion, and if you are then some of the other films mentioned thus far are much better candidates.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby SecondTalon » Wed Oct 17, 2012 6:14 pm UTC

One issue with It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World is that the film itself was made more as something for actors of the time to dick around and have fun in. There are 12 primary actors, 7 secondary actors, and 50something Cameo appearances.

So if you're a fan of the 1950s/early 1960s Hollywood, it'd be a kick seeing ALL THESE PEOPLE together.

If you aren't...... imagine the year is 2060. Imagine being 20. Imagine watching The Expendables for the first time. Would you give a fuck about any of it? No, no you would not. Probably going to be the same deal with watching It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World today.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby quantumcat42 » Wed Oct 17, 2012 6:57 pm UTC

There's still a soft place in my heart for the scene in MMMMW with the gas station whose set was apparently built entirely out of balsa wood.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby kinigget » Fri Oct 19, 2012 4:46 am UTC

It might be cool to see that, but then I probably wouldn't understand half the references, wouldn't recognize a good 90% of the camoes, and it's overall probably just not worth it. It can't possibly be less funny though.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Jorpho » Fri Oct 19, 2012 5:02 am UTC

kinigget wrote:It can't possibly be less funny though.
Really now, you strongly imply a severe paucity of experience.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Xenomortis » Wed Oct 31, 2012 10:34 am UTC

Woopate wrote:I just recently saw a screening of "The Room" which, as Wikipedia states in the first paragraph, is supposedly the Citizen Kane of bad movies. When I got to the theatre, they handed me a sheet of rules, things I was supposed to do during the movie. This included throwing plastic spoons(provided) at the screen whenever a spoon was visible on camera, and shouting "because your a woman" whenever a female character said something outright mysoginistic (many times).

And... Well, it lived up to the hype. Were it not for the audience interaction and a significant amount of alcohol, it would have been eye gougingly bad. Numerous plot holes, recurring characters with no purpose, extended camera shots with talking character's faces cut off by the side of the screen, recycled sex scenes, Randomly dropping in and out of focus, and a main character (also director, writer, producer, and presumably running the publishing company since it bears his name) who rushed his EVERY LINE.

After I got home, I had plans for what I was going to do with the rest of my night, but my brain couldn't even anything, so I went to bed lost amd confused.

At least a month late but:
My housemates made me watch that at Uni. I was sober.

Yeah, it was bad.
On the upshot; it prepares you for the inevitable questions in every student run movie quiz.

I would say Birdemic was worse, but at least it was shorter (and the entire film could be watched at 4-8x speed without you missing anything)
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby emceng » Wed Oct 31, 2012 12:43 pm UTC

Well did you go see the Rifftrax of Birdemic?
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby CorruptUser » Sat Dec 29, 2012 1:20 am UTC

Gigantic.

Not even a topless Zooey Daschanel could save this movie. Paul Dano plays a flat character, who may or may not be a schizophrenic. Zooey plays an upper class twit. John Goodman and Ed Asner are great in their own way, but are overshadowed by the utter lack of a plot.

Paul Dano gets beaten up (or does he?) throughout the movie as a metaphor for something, while desperately wanting to adopt a Chinese baby. Zooey is a ditz with no direction in life who falls in love with Dano. Her father, John Goodman is a wealthy man with no clue what do with it, while he does something with alternative medicine. Dano's brother tries to get a black market baby for Dano, but all that amounts to is happy ending with Chinese mafia men or something. Dano gets approved for the baby, Zooey breaks up with him as a result and signs up for chef school. Dano gets the baby, Zooey is pregnant but unable to tell Dano, movie ends.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby ShortChelsea » Wed Jan 30, 2013 4:29 pm UTC

I saw Movie 43 last Friday. I wish I hadn't. I wish I had walked out and demanded my money back two shorts in. I enjoy crude humor, but I didn't think nearly every short was going to be based on it.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Jorpho » Thu Jan 31, 2013 5:08 am UTC

Check out Ebert's review. I do so adore his writing once he gets going.
http://www.rogerebert.com/apps/pbcs.dll ... /130129973

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby jaap » Thu Jan 31, 2013 6:19 am UTC

Jorpho wrote:Check out Ebert's review. I do so adore his writing once he gets going.
http://www.rogerebert.com/apps/pbcs.dll ... /130129973

Although actually that review is by his Chicago Sun-Times colleague Richard Roeper.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Jorpho » Thu Jan 31, 2013 2:42 pm UTC

Good heavens! I have not been paying attention. When did they start posting other people's reviews there?

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby CorruptUser » Thu Jan 31, 2013 7:22 pm UTC

I was under the impression that everyone going to Movie 43 knew that they were going into a knockoff of Seltzer and Frieburg (vague genre movies).

So long as people but more in tickets than the movie costs the studio to make, they will keep pushing out the fetid partial birth abortions that they call movies.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby hroobarb » Sun Feb 10, 2013 10:00 pm UTC

I have a very low tolerance for bad movies. I don't watch anything unless it gets decent reviews, so i haven't seen many of the truly awful low-budget movies.
Hulk (2003) just felt long, boring, stupid and generally unappealing. Also, it was ugly.
Shooter (2007) is just a bunch of boring political views baked into a stupid action movie. The politics are heavy handed and they poke through the screen in every scene. Michael Peña plays an FBI agent, yet he wears a Che Guevara t-shirt. That doesn't even make any sense. And i don't like Danny Glover in anything except Lethal Weapon.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby LID919 » Tue Feb 19, 2013 3:29 am UTC

Everyone talks about how bad Eragon was. I would say this is because it had quite the sizeable fanbase when it came out. But, there is one book to movie that topped them all. The Vampire's Assistant. I read and loved the Cirque du Freak book series back when it was a realtively obscure series. When they announced a movie, my thinking went along the lines of any Book fan who has some of their favorite books being adapted to a movie. Then, I found out the plan for the plot. They took the first three books (each with enough material for its own movie) and combined them into one. Let me describe their artistic process:

They put the first three books into a blender, hit Frappe, and pulled out random fragments of words until they had a script. In the end, the only relations of book to movie were the term, "Vampire's Assistant", and the names of the characters. The characters were completely changed. THey took one character (appears in the third book, a lot of third book plot revolves around her, she becomes a big deal when she re appears later in the series) and turned her from a normal human (which is very important to the plot of the later books), to having a furry monkey tail and living as part of the Cirque du Freak. The entire plot of the movie (or lack thereof) wasn't even laughable, it was just pathetic. Even for those who had not read the books, the movie still was disgusting. At least Eragon (for those who were not fans of the books) was comprehendable enough that the story could be somewhat enjoyed, but, this movie lacked even that. Worst movie ever made, and ruined the chance of a great book series becoming a great movie.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Lucrece » Tue Feb 19, 2013 9:24 pm UTC

Was going through some oldies -- Windwalker. Oh, it's just baaaaad.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby You, sir, name? » Wed Feb 20, 2013 10:12 pm UTC

Tried to watch Sudden Impact a while back. Lasted about 25 minutes.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby ocean_soul » Wed Mar 06, 2013 8:43 am UTC

Objectively the worst I have ever seen, in terms of technical incompetence and bad acting, are After Last Season, Birdemic: Shock and Terror and The Room. However, all three of these fall into the `so bad it's hilarious´ category, making it fun to watch them in an MST3K kind of way.

Some of the movies that I found to be the most annoying to watch are Avatar, The Chaperone (no idea why I watched that), Braveheart, Clash of the Titans, Star Trek V, there are many more. Most of these I disliked primarily because they were boring or insultingly stupid, rather than badly acted or badly filmed. Other movies are bad for technical reasons (Trash Humpers, Idioterne and pretty much the whole Dogme95 movement), without being good because of their riffability. So I find it impossible to pick just one worst, because movies can be bad in very different ways.

Also, I have not watched many of the famous ones. Not seen much Adam Sandler shit, never finished a Twilight movie (except this one, which is very good), so maybe I'm not qualified to pick one...
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby Woopate » Tue Mar 12, 2013 9:29 am UTC

Got around to watching Birdemic, I'd say it's worse than the Room, and have real trouble believing it was a serious effort at a good movie.

And I have a similar opinion of the newest Twilight. Someone somewhere made decisions to masquerade it as a legitimate effort when the reality is they built the movie for people like me, who will pay good money to go to a theater to poke fun in these shows. This evil mastermind created the brilliant ploy, and effectively catered to two audiences. I imagine this entity's dark, profit-fueled tendrils reach from before the dawn of time, and to gaze upon it's brilliance is to at once know humility and regret as it pumps money directly from my wallet into the hands of those whom I feel least deserving of it. All the while this putrid spillage of pure, undulating greed whispers sweet nothings to the ears of children, promising them sparkly husbands if they'll just offer up their souls wallets souls.

I mean, it even
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby dogma72 » Fri Mar 22, 2013 11:15 pm UTC

Here are 3 that are horrible.

1. Blue Velvet

2. Little Nikki

3. Sphere

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby jules.LT » Sun Mar 24, 2013 6:50 pm UTC

The Tree of Life, by Terrence Malick.
Although I have to admit that I haven't seen all of it.
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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby LaserGuy » Wed Apr 10, 2013 3:48 pm UTC

I watched Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus a couple weeks ago. Admittedly, with a title like that, you know it's a B-movie going into it. Unfortunately, it wasn't the fun kind of B-movie. The script was dull and humourless, and I think the actors must have thought that this was supposed to be a serious film. Several clips were clearly recycled. Worse, there was precious little time devoted to either Mega Sharks or Giant Octopi, let alone any confrontation between them. The only amusing scene was the shark leaping out of the water to grab a 747 in mid-flight. But you can get that by watching the trailer.

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Re: The worst film you've seen

Postby emceng » Thu Apr 11, 2013 8:10 pm UTC

jules.LT wrote:The Tree of Life, by Terrence Malick.
Although I have to admit that I haven't seen all of it.


I kind of want to watch that movie. From what I've read online, a small percentage loved it, most thought it was terrible, and more people than any other film actually walked out of the theater.
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