[SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby ameretrifle » Sat May 24, 2014 4:37 pm UTC

Okay, so I was trying the continuous-pill thing because my periods were irritating my stomach much more horribly than normal and I figured skipping them might finally give the poor thing a chance to heal. (I won't go into the gory details, let's just say it was GERD and it flared up like crazy exactly two days before I started spotting like clockwork.) Spotting I expected and got. Second week of my fourth pack, I had what was pretty much a very slightly lighter period than normal, and I've been perma-spotting ever since. Two or three weeks now. So I don't think this is working. Does anyone happen to know what I should be looking for? Was I wrong to try a pill that wasn't specifically made for period-skipping in the first place? Do I need a higher dose, or just a different formulation? Am I going to have the same problem if I try the Mirena? Obviously none of y'all are my doctor and even if you were there's probably only one way to find out, everyone being different and all, but any ideas on what I might need so I can evaluate the advice I'm given? I'm from the South and I worry about my doctors being up-to-date on the options. Need to go see a specialist, I know, ugh. I am so tired of doctors and getting referred to doctors and playing endless rounds of phone tag with doctors I just don't even.

Also, I get away with treating my bras much more roughly when washing, but I bet that's probably because I don't wash them often enough >_> I tie them up in a pillowcase and toss them in with the other white laundry because I'm horribly lazy. I should try to be better. And wash my bras more often. Sigh. But yeah, bras are surprisingly fucking complicated. I checked out the bra subreddits and I still don't understand half the boob/bra terminology they were talking about (they even had pictures!). And I've had boobs for years, how can I not grok this? Ay. Anyway. Bras, boobs, ant the interaction thereof: fucking weird. Just. Just so I'm not just babbling about my problems.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Sun May 25, 2014 8:15 pm UTC

My mirena is spottily working but for the first few years it was great but I have issues with pill side effects and since mirena is local I don't have those issues. I have been through almost every pill and each (including the "don't bleed at all" one) didn't stop it at all, just gave me side effects. I got onto the highest does of the "dont bleed at all" one, and it still didn't work. I was probably changing tampons about 3x/day on it, plus side effects. Did I mention all the shitty side effects? So lethargic, so many migraines, so hard to do...anything. Plus bleeding and cramping. Ugh.

YMMV with the Mirena, but I wouldn't count it out, because on the Mirena I do better than the pills. It's different when it's acting locally and not systemic.

I still want a permanent solution just money and when can I spend a while recovering and surgery is kinda scary.The way my gyno explained it was prettymuch I don't have a cycle like normal, I am always building up and sloffing off, so instead of a few days of period, it is every day. And current pills and such will never fix it. Mirena is the best bet because it will slow down the build up, so less bleeding will occur, systemically they can't get enough in my system safely to touch it. I am not even recommended for the ablations because they find with this sort of condition they don't work. I could try it first because it's much less invasive, but, cost wise the only different to me is a night or two in the hopsital, and I don't want to spend thousands to have to spend thousands again if/when it doesn't work, would rather spend an extra couple hundred and be SURE. I'm basically waiting for this mirena to wear off in a year or two and get to the point where I'm bedridden again, and then drag myself back in to the gyno and get the surgery because if I'm gonna be bedridden I may as well be in such a way I will only get better!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby UniqueScreenname » Fri Jun 13, 2014 4:58 pm UTC

TW: depression/suicide
Spoiler:
Every time I get Shark Week, my depression shoots into overdrive. It's driving me crazy. I go from being generally unsatisfied with life to freaking hating everything and not wanting to live anymore. I don't think it's PMDD though because I don't have any physical symptoms and I do in fact have depression the rest of the month, but this isn't something that can continue happening because I can't function well being this miserable for no reason.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby PictureSarah » Fri Jun 20, 2014 9:07 pm UTC

Are there any other moms in the thread? I have a postpartum shark week question. Shark week just started a couple days ago for the first time since I got pregnant (so, October 2012), and Oh me yarm, it is horrendous. As in, I bled through pads/tampons, two sets of underwear and pajama pants last night, I had to clean the bathroom because it looked like a murder scene this morning, I tried to use a divacup today, but it filled more than halfway in an hour, then started leaking, I bled through a pad and my jeans during an hour long staff meeting this morning and had to go home to change clothes...and all of this is accompanied by pretty terrible lower back pain.

It's really not ok. Please somebody tell me that this is normal for the first postpartum period, and it will be better next month.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby addams » Fri Jun 20, 2014 9:45 pm UTC

PictureSarah wrote:Are there any other moms in the thread? I have a postpartum shark week question. Shark week just started a couple days ago for the first time since I got pregnant (so, October 2012), and Oh me yarm, it is horrendous. As in, I bled through pads/tampons, two sets of underwear and pajama pants last night, I had to clean the bathroom because it looked like a murder scene this morning, I tried to use a divacup today, but it filled more than halfway in an hour, then started leaking, I bled through a pad and my jeans during an hour long staff meeting this morning and had to go home to change clothes...and all of this is accompanied by pretty terrible lower back pain.

It's really not ok. Please somebody tell me that this is normal for the first postpartum period, and it will be better next month.

Yes. and No.
Yes. It happens and it should settle down.
No. Do not ignore it.

A quick call to the Nurse that knows you and the baby.
Those people are experts, and they know you.

The Murder Scene.
That is funny stuff.

I am so sorry.
Just when you Need all that Youthful Energy to clean up a Murder Scene
you are anemic from blood loss, tired from blood loss, worried from blood loss.
I am so sorry.

This is what God created Moms and Aunties for.
They put you to bed with your feet up, get you loads of 7up and anything you want to eat.
It usually takes more than one Mom or Auntie.

The Baby needs care, too.
In the best of all possible worlds,
The Aunties would arrive and in No Time,

The Baby would be fed and bathed.
You would have your feet up and the Nurse or Receptionist on the line.
And; Aunties know how to get blood out of almost everything.

When we leave we will gift you Black Panties.
Honey; You are too busy to fight stains.
Blood does not show on Black.

I'm sorry.
Loads of us know what it is like.

With good medical care, it may be a thing of the past.
Make the call. Put Your Feet Up!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby UniqueScreenname » Sat Jun 21, 2014 12:08 am UTC

UniqueScreenname wrote:TW: depression/suicide
Spoiler:
Every time I get Shark Week, my depression shoots into overdrive. It's driving me crazy. I go from being generally unsatisfied with life to freaking hating everything and not wanting to live anymore. I don't think it's PMDD though because I don't have any physical symptoms and I do in fact have depression the rest of the month, but this isn't something that can continue happening because I can't function well being this miserable for no reason.

Non-spoiler version since I'd still like help. Shark Week makes my depression much worse. I doubt it's PMDD. What do you think?
PolakoVoador wrote:Pizza is never a question, pizza is always the answer.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby ameretrifle » Sat Jun 21, 2014 1:39 am UTC

Hormones fuck with me something awful. I'm lucky not to get that much bleeding/cramps usually, especially in comparison to a lot of horror stories I've heard, but it makes up with it by screwing with my stomach and my head. Like I think I said embarassingly recently, I've been having a bout of reflux for a while, and noticing that unexplained terrible backslides were followed like clockwork by the beginning of spotting two days later finally made me give hormones another shot.

The reason I was so loath to try them again is because they fuck with me. Emoness. Ludicrously prone to tears. I don't know if I'd call it depression, but definitely more pessimism, hopelessness, what is the point of life even, etc. It's worst when I'm starting on them but to be honest I'm not wholly comfortable with where my head is at right now. Working on getting someone to talk to me about dosages and other options. Regrettably, it is work, and I've been slacking.

Long anecdote short: I'd absolutely believe hormones make your depression worse. I'd personally be more surprised if they didn't.

As to what to do about it, I really wish I knew. Getting on a pill/hormones of whatever form might help you, or they might help you in the long term at the cost of a couple months of terribleness, or they might not help at all. Might be worth a shot, or talking to someone about options. Some people have less trouble with Mirena hormones, some people don't. I am so thoroughly unimpressed with the state of modern medicine these days I don't even.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Mon Jun 23, 2014 3:44 am UTC

ameretrifle wrote:I am so thoroughly unimpressed with the state of modern medicine these days I don't even.
I know we aren't really supposed to do this...but QFT. It is totally ridiculous that with 1 yr same courses as first year med students and a scientific background not in medicine and I seem to know more than the doctors I go to. I have heard from my close cousin with same issues as I in this regard, that if you are in the US at least, to check out functional medicine as they are trained to use modern medicine smartly and look at the whole body and get to root of issues, rather than simply plug and play symptoms. http://www.functionalmedicine.org/pract ... earch.aspx
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Wed Jul 02, 2014 10:17 pm UTC

I've been having a lot of negative self-image wrt my body lately, so I did a little photo project to help myself feel better. The basics are I took photos of myself from my perspective. Anyway, it worked and I feel better now! If anyone is interested in my thought process and the photos for maybe doing it yourself I'm happy to help any way I can. I made a locked blog post about it, if you want to read/see please PM me for link and password. I hope it will help others, but maybe it's just my own wacky brain and just cathartic for myself. I think there is some validity in seeing yourself as art, though, because at least for me, my brain defaults to art is beautiful.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Isotope_238 » Mon Jul 07, 2014 7:38 pm UTC

ameretrifle wrote:Long anecdote short: I'd absolutely believe hormones make your depression worse. I'd personally be more surprised if they didn't.


Oh absolutely. I started hormonal BC when I was fifteen and went from being quite happy to desperately unhappy and suicidal. When I went off the pills, the depression went away like flipping a light switch.

Also: hi everybody! I spent a while in this topic some years and a few hundred pages ago. I was a student then; now I'm an adult with a job and responsibilities and stuff.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby UniqueScreenname » Mon Jul 07, 2014 9:25 pm UTC

I love your avatar.
PolakoVoador wrote:Pizza is never a question, pizza is always the answer.
poxic wrote:When we're stuck, flailing, and afraid, that's usually when we're running into the limitations of our old ways of doing things. Something new is being born. Stick around and find out what it is.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Mon Jul 14, 2014 5:58 pm UTC

Hi isotope! I hope you are doing well. I remember you! *hugs* :-) its kinda crazy to look back on this thread to old posts...so many of us have gotten help and support from it, im glad its continuing on :-)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby addams » Sun Jul 20, 2014 2:56 pm UTC

Just a simple Truth.
Putting on a Sports Bra is a Skill.

It does not 'come back' like riding a Bicycle.

I did Hand to Hand with a Sports Bra.
I won. Still...It got my attention.

Poor me.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Angua » Sun Jul 20, 2014 4:32 pm UTC

I've never really had much difficulty putting on a sports bra.

Taking the damn things off on the other-hand... I've occasionally had to ask for help on that front. It's certainly always a struggle.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby addams » Sun Jul 20, 2014 8:28 pm UTC

Angua wrote:I've never really had much difficulty putting on a sports bra.

Taking the damn things off on the other-hand... I've occasionally had to ask for help on that front. It's certainly always a struggle.

oh, Darn;
Thank you for the Heads Up.

I got it on.
I may have to cut it off.

Thanks for the heads up.

I forgot about getting it off.
(geesh) Without planing I may get myself tangled up in it and not be able to reach the scissors.
I'll have all the tools required on hand and at the Ready, before attempting to undress a sweaty and tired body.

Sleeping with one of those things half on and half off must produce a Cramp somewhere New.

I went on a Lovely but Long walk.
Spoiler:
I did it more than once.

That night I got cramps.

My feet and legs were cramping.
Even my Abdominals were cramping.

I knew Human Anatomy.
I could not figure out what muscles were Cramping.
Cramps like that are Horrible.

I had muscles cramping, Dr. Bob did not talk about.
Did you Have to memorize The Little Ones?

Under the Clavicle are some little ones that are hard to rub out.
I use a Door Jam. I back up to it and Lean Hard. Like a Bear.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Angua » Sun Jul 20, 2014 8:51 pm UTC

My anatomical knowledge of muscles waxes and wanes depending on what rotation I'm on :P

Good luck getting it off!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby addams » Mon Jul 21, 2014 5:57 am UTC

Thanks.
It came off easy.

I was Ready for it.
I was prepared to cut it off.

Maybe it was intimidated by my mood.
I doubt it.

It's not That hard, if paying attention.
One dares not allow the mind to wander when getting into or out of one of Those.

It would make a funny scene in a movie.
Some Chick Flick where The Action is getting stuck Half in a Sports Bra.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Mon Jul 21, 2014 7:38 pm UTC

I really like the Panache sports bra...hooks for easy on and off, and really supportive yet I don't bounce n stuff. I usually don't like underwires in sports bras but this one I haven't noticed. And since it's not a smush you down sports bra you don't get that small uniboob effect (I personally don't like my boobs to be squished and squashed into tiny spaces and shoved together).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby addams » Tue Jul 22, 2014 3:57 am UTC

Sungura wrote:I really like the Panache sports bra...hooks for easy on and off, and really supportive yet I don't bounce n stuff. I usually don't like underwires in sports bras but this one I haven't noticed. And since it's not a smush you down sports bra you don't get that small uniboob effect (I personally don't like my boobs to be squished and squashed into tiny spaces and shoved together).

That uni-Tit thing is Hysterical.
I have the Tough Tube and that is what I will wear.

The stupid thing is probably too small.
It's like putting on an Inter-tube.

When The Girls get out they are sheepish.
Poor things. At least they don't hurt.

The Sports Bra for all our complaining is a Wonderful invention.
Who invented it?

I bet it is like most essential items.
It has been being invented for as long as we could be irritated by The Girls getting in the way.

The first piece of clothing covered up Adam's Junk.
The second piece did some lifting and separating.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Artemisia » Tue Jul 22, 2014 5:55 pm UTC

Isotope_238 wrote:Also: hi everybody! I spent a while in this topic some years and a few hundred pages ago. I was a student then; now I'm an adult with a job and responsibilities and stuff.

*shakes hands* back too and lovely to see this thread indeed continuing its good deeds (eg what Sungura said)

I have a comment on the current BC question and an only slightly related question myself: I have been reading about people who are using Mirena and among the "did not work for me" crowd complaints, about half were about the mental impact the hormones had, including depression.

I may be ignorant here, but if Shark Week is especially bad for you, there should be no harm in skipping Shark Week if your form of BC allows for that. Mirena results in nearly no periods at all. I do get PMS when I have a period coming, and a (light) period, but not nearly as often. If my suggestion is completely unhelpful, you have my commiserations UniqueScreenname, that sucks.

My question is actually a hypothesis about Mirena and I can find a very limited amount of information online about this from users of Mirena. My boobs are very sensitive pre-period, for usually a few days to a week. But my boobs have been sore for two weeks now and I have also been feeling a little light headed and nausious lately (though this could well be caused by the current weather being around 30°C and I am lousy at hydrating my body properly). I am also a lot more emotional (I choke up quickly and regularly, which is very unusual for me).

It is most probably due to an upcoming period, however Mirena - as I understand - won't necessarily stop ovulation, so technically I could have an egg floating around my uterus, that could technically get fertilised if I happened to have sex at the same time and some semen gets through. Mirena says it "thickens cervical mucus to prevent sperm from entering your uterus" (Mirena website) among other things, but even if odds are low, it's not impossible.
This is why anti-abortionists are so opposed to this BC method, or so I thought - because it doesn't always prevent egg fertilisation but due to thin uterus lining, there's no place for it to attach and nestle, so you could see this as a form of abortion/miscarriage, albeit in extremely early stage. I'm however not so inclined to echo what they say without any evidence for it.

But is there at all a possibility that my symptoms could be related to something like this? Has this ever been tested? If so, how? Pregnancy tests will mostly come back negative in such an early stage, if this could be detected at all.

Curious about the thoughts on this of the xkcd crowd.

@PS: I have heard the first period after childbirth, esp. if it has been a while ago, can be pretty vile. I'm however not a mum and can't tell you first hand. It can't hurt to consult the nurse about it.
This too shall pass

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby apricity » Tue Jul 22, 2014 6:09 pm UTC

Last year I got pregnant and had a miscarriage on Mirena. The only reason I knew about it was because I don't get Shark Week anymore on Mirena, but I bled for 2 weeks and decided to take a pregnancy test just in case. I was shocked when it came up positive. It's something like a 1 in 1000 chance per year (as in, the Mirena is 99.9% effective). My gyno had never seen it happen before. You're right, the uterine lining is shed so usually the fertilized egg dies because it can't implant. Odds of an ectopic pregnancy (egg attaching inside one of the fallopian tubes) are much higher on Mirena than off it, not because ectopic pregnancies actually happen more often, but because a uterine pregnancy is almost impossible. Mine was probably ectopic, but I never had it confirmed because it was likely too early to see anything on the ultrasound.

So odds aren't high that you are pregnant, but it's definitely not impossible and you might want to take a pregnancy test just in case. Getting pregnant with an IUD in is dangerous for both you and the fetus.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby addams » Tue Jul 22, 2014 6:24 pm UTC

And; On a lighter note.
It is hard to get dressed when distracted.

Yesterday it was a Sports Bra.
Today it's my Tights.

In a big hurry.
Get the tights on and get going.

Great.
Have you ever had your Tights Twisted.

I have.
I gave up early to avoid The Fight.

Leggings UnTwist easier.
Two Kinds of Plaid and Bland Leggings.

Sometimes, I am nearly as surprised by how I dress as anyone is.
The explanations are Boring.
Life is, just, an exchange of electrons; It is up to us to give it meaning.

We are all in The Gutter.
Some of us see The Gutter.
Some of us see The Stars.
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Those that do not Know; Don't tell them.
They do terrible things to people that Tell Them.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Artemisia » Tue Jul 22, 2014 6:29 pm UTC

How did that affect you emotionally, if at all? I could imagine I would not just brush that off easily. Thanks for sharing btw. I did indeed read about the 50% ectopic pregnancy rate, which made sense.

I also read about a successful pregnancy despite Mirena, discovered after 32 weeks and the woman delivered a healthy boy in the end. I imagine they left Mirena in as it would probably do more harm than good at that point.

brr. Never easy being a woman.
This too shall pass

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Tue Jul 22, 2014 7:40 pm UTC

I have the mirena and I am still bleeding a lot. Sometimes I do feel "different", and I have taken a preg test twice to give myself peace of mind (both times I did, came back negative). Both times were associated with long term bleeding and lots of chunks. Dunno if this helps your question or not. I'm getting sick of the mirena because it barely helps anymore. I mean, I guess it's better than nothing, but I seriously need to just save the money and get my uterus taken the fuck out. I don't want babies and hate the bleeding all the time. It got a bit better when I went gluten-free initially, but it's back to being shitty again. Been 10 days of bleeding and still going....same as old days just with less cramping. But with more emotional swings. Ugh.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Artemisia » Tue Jul 22, 2014 8:23 pm UTC

Thanks Sungura, yes I have experienced blood cloths on some occasions as well and indeed - "feeling different". The pregnancy test I once took came back negative too though.
Has your doc approved of your plans to have full hysterectomy?

I have been contemplating Essure as I am child free and getting a bit tired of BC, but I'd prefer my partner to have a vasectomy. But in the meantime, Mirena I believe is the most effective of all BC and the least hassle. I'm also learning, after some research, that Essure may not be right for me due to nickel allergy. This is the only allergy I have ever had to my knowledge.

I have kept Essure open as a possibility "down the road" but it now looks like it's not. I'm a bit... disappointed.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Sungura » Tue Jul 22, 2014 8:39 pm UTC

I found one who would,yes. And i have metal allergies including nickel and copper (i cant even wear silver jewelry because of the slight nickel content) so essure wouldnt work. Family cancer history (uterus twice) makes me a bad candidate for the various other perminant methods leaving hysterectomy. Matter of time and money to do it. The ACA has madey medical bills much more affordable so maybe it will happen this winter when life slows down. Whenever i about ready to call it quits i get a good month or two so i hold out hope only to have it squashed.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Artemisia » Tue Jul 22, 2014 9:02 pm UTC

Essure won't particularly work for you anyway. I was curious so I checked, but it has no influence - if only negatively - on your blood flow.

Glad you found a doc who supports you. Good luck with the funding.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby bluebambue » Wed Jul 23, 2014 4:25 am UTC

Artemisia wrote:Thanks Sungura, yes I have experienced blood cloths on some occasions as well and indeed - "feeling different". The pregnancy test I once took came back negative too though.
Has your doc approved of your plans to have full hysterectomy?

I have been contemplating Essure as I am child free and getting a bit tired of BC, but I'd prefer my partner to have a vasectomy. But in the meantime, Mirena I believe is the most effective of all BC and the least hassle. I'm also learning, after some research, that Essure may not be right for me due to nickel allergy. This is the only allergy I have ever had to my knowledge.

I have kept Essure open as a possibility "down the road" but it now looks like it's not. I'm a bit... disappointed.

Essure can be put in with mild nickel allergies (mine was with no ill effects).

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby UniqueScreenname » Wed Jul 23, 2014 12:01 pm UTC

Thanks for the suggestion, Artemisia. It's a possibility, I suppose. I'll look into it.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby apricity » Thu Jul 24, 2014 1:01 am UTC

Artemisia wrote:How did that affect you emotionally, if at all? I could imagine I would not just brush that off easily. Thanks for sharing btw. I did indeed read about the 50% ectopic pregnancy rate, which made sense.

I also read about a successful pregnancy despite Mirena, discovered after 32 weeks and the woman delivered a healthy boy in the end. I imagine they left Mirena in as it would probably do more harm than good at that point.
Spoilered for pregnancy/miscarriage/abortion discussion.
Spoiler:
Emotionally it was hard because I didn't really have anyone to talk to openly about it. I am different than many other women who miscarry, because often people miscarry when they're trying to get pregnant. I didn't feel bad about the fetus, because it never would have become a baby - I would have had an abortion if I hadn't miscarried. I wasn't ready for a baby, which is why I have an IUD. But being that honest is... touchy. My OB/GYN worked mostly with people who are trying to get pregnant, and I told her my decision back when we weren't sure whether I was miscarrying. She didn't have an outwardly negative response, but she was kind of quiet and cold for the rest of the appointment.

I told the whole story to one person who I trust deeply and thought would be supportive, and her only reaction was to say that if it had come to that, she would have adopted the baby. That was one of the most hurtful responses I could have imagined, short of outright anger/rage. That was the most emotional part of it for me. It hurt because she was completely discounting the fact that it was my body and my decision, and that the decision was irrelevant anyway because at that point I knew it had been a miscarriage. She didn't have to support me, but to come back at my hypothetical decision without even asking what my reasons were or trying to help me feel better about what DID actually happen... that was awful to hear.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Artemisia » Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:10 am UTC

I'll spoiler my response as well:
Spoiler:
wow... that's just awful! Well fwiw: I'd be in exactly the same boat and would have made the same choice as you. So you have my full support and agreement. I am truly sorry to hear that you had to make that judgement call on your own and you must have felt pretty lonely having lost a fetus you were trying hard not to have... and it's even worse that there was no understanding or support coming from two people who knew you were going through this.
Also, thanks so much for sharing and, in a way, I'm glad I asked.
Was there also a partner involved, who - I hope - was nothing but supportive?


New generation women who embrace the notion of "choice" makes older generations uncomfortable, methinks.

@bluebambue: Thanks! That's good to hear. Did you have children before Essure? If not, how difficult was it to convince a doc to give you the procedure?

[edit]@UniqueScreenname: how long have you been using hormonal BC? Has your doc suggested you try non-hormone BC like an IUD? Maybe you need to switch to a different hormone cocktail that won't be affecting your moods so badly? /just trying to come up with other possible solutions
Last edited by Artemisia on Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:22 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby addams » Thu Jul 24, 2014 7:20 am UTC

lanicita?
I'd like to lend my support, too.
Spoiler:
I get a little angry when people say, "I'll adopt it."
Like you can hand over file you don't feel like working on.

I am sorry a person was like that with you.
We would not do that.

How are you?
Please don't let Idiots build OutPosts in your head.

I am glad you told us.
I think you are safe with us.

Edit:
Spoiler Spoiler.
For Small Rant.
Spoiler:
When people say a stupid thing like that,
Do you feel like looking at them and saying,

I am Not your fucking Brood Mare! ?

Well...That is One of about Fifty things I might want to say, that I don't say.
Last edited by addams on Thu Jul 24, 2014 2:36 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby bluebambue » Thu Jul 24, 2014 2:11 pm UTC

Artemisia wrote:@bluebambue: Thanks! That's good to hear. Did you have children before Essure? If not, how difficult was it to convince a doc to give you the procedure?

I had no children and also got it at the very young age of 21.

It was surprisingly easy for me. I went into my primary doc looking for an IUD, it came up that I didn't want children ever. She referred me to a gynecologist she knew (and I think gave him a personal phone call to advocate on my behalf). I had 1 appointment with the gynecologist to convince him of my seriousness, 1 appointment for him to inspect my vagina/cervix, and 1 appointment for the actual procedure.

Two things benefited me here:
-I had a relationship with my primary doctor who knew I was mature for my age
-I live in the liberal city of Seattle

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby PictureSarah » Thu Jul 24, 2014 3:22 pm UTC

I've never really understood the thing where people think that women who get pregnant and don't want to be are somehow obligated to carry the fetus to term and give birth, then give the baby away, just because some women have fertility issues. A lot of people have medically unfortunate things happen to them. We don't ever tell people they're selfish for not giving blood, even though blood transfusions are actually crucial to life sometimes, whereas having a baby isn't, and giving blood is really easy compared to pregnancy. Yet we think that people are selfish for not carrying a pregnancy to term and giving birth?

I have always been pro-choice, but having a baby now makes me even more vehemently pro-choice, because that shit is not to be taken lightly, and nobody who doesn't want a baby should have one.

FTR, Lanicita, I know it may have felt awkward because I think I was (happily) pregnant when this happened to you, but you could have talked to me about it, and there would have been no judgment at all!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby apricity » Thu Jul 24, 2014 3:54 pm UTC

Artemisia wrote:I'll spoiler my response as well:
Spoiler:
wow... that's just awful! Well fwiw: I'd be in exactly the same boat and would have made the same choice as you. So you have my full support and agreement. I am truly sorry to hear that you had to make that judgement call on your own and you must have felt pretty lonely having lost a fetus you were trying hard not to have... and it's even worse that there was no understanding or support coming from two people who knew you were going through this.
Also, thanks so much for sharing and, in a way, I'm glad I asked.
Was there also a partner involved, who - I hope - was nothing but supportive?
Spoiler:
Thanks for the support, it's very kind! I'm okay now, it was over a year ago. Yes, my SO was as supportive as he could have been and that made it much better. I also do have other friends who were more supportive, but I'm terrible at asking for help (especially when I need it most) and didn't talk with them as much as I really needed to.

addams wrote:lanicita?
I'd like to lend my support, too.
Spoiler:
I get a little angry when people say, "I'll adopt it."
Like you can hand over file you don't feel like working on.

I am sorry a person was like that with you.
We would not do that.

How are you?
Please don't let Idiots build OutPosts in your head.

I am glad you told us.
I think you are safe with us.

Edit:
Spoiler Spoiler.
For Small Rant.
Spoiler:
When people say a stupid thing like that,
Do you feel like looking at them and saying,

I am Not your fucking Brood Mare! ?

Well...That is One of about Fifty things I might want to say, that I don't say.
Spoiler:
Thank you, addams. I'm fine now, but it was pretty hard to deal with it when it happened last year. I definitely did want to say something like that! The word "incubator" came to mind. I think she said it because she wanted me to know there would have been other options, and she thought that was a good way of showing her support for me. But it was the wrong time. Also, the main reason I would have terminated was because I knew it would be impossible to do certain things coming up in my life if I had to take time out to recover from giving birth. If I felt like I could carry it to term, I would have figured out a way to raise it myself. I don't think I could handle putting a baby up for adoption. Another reason was that the Mirena and the fact that I'd been drinking alcohol (assuming I couldn't get pregnant) could have resulted in birth defects. She didn't ask me about any of that, just assumed the reason I would have had an abortion was because of the realities of raising a kid. So she really was ignoring the 9 months when my entire body would be given over to a fetus.

Edit to respond to PictureSarah: Thank you! You're definitely one of the people I felt I could have talked to, if I'd been able to reach out. It's just hard for me to put that on other people.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Artemisia » Mon Jul 28, 2014 7:33 pm UTC

I'm also really bad at talking about things that bother me the most and asking for support. I recently suffered a burn-out and I had the weirdest irrational fears about people's responses. I just withdraw and bottle it up (hence also the burn-out).

I'm out of practice putting my inner most thoughts online (haven't been too active on fora the past few years - pretty much when I stopped writing on here - ) and I find it scary even to post on this forum now!

Few response notes:
Belated congrats with the lil' un PS! Hope that Shark Week has eased up on you.

@bluebamboo: the childfree community in NL is telling me it can be tricky, but I may consult my doc sometime soon and see what he says. Your experience sounds extremely smooth, yay for docs that take us seriously!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby ameretrifle » Wed Jul 30, 2014 2:04 am UTC

The GYN I went to recently seemed to have no problems with suggesting IUDs. I'd heard a lot of bad things too, so I was worried, but instead it was all "Here's your options! Have some pamphlets!" If you're going to/end up needing a new doc for it, check out all the reviews you can? I had some luck with healthgrades.com I think. Sometimes they're even on Facebook and nonsense. Emphasis on college-age women might be a good sign?

(Of course, for me, this comes *after* a fun several months of the progesterone-only pill completely wrecking my shit, which leaves me a bit leery of progesterone-only options, even if they're more localized and much lower dose and things... I don't know if I could have survived that much longer, and I wish I were being more hyperbolic...)

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Izawwlgood » Tue Aug 05, 2014 12:59 am UTC

I don't know if this is appropriate, but a friend of mine has been very vocal about her experience with sexual assault, and I think she's hilarious and wonderful and amazing, and thought people might appreciate it.

Trigger warning for sexual assault and strong language.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby poxic » Tue Aug 05, 2014 1:34 am UTC

Good call on the trigger warning. She spends a short time describing how things happened, then a long time talking about aftermath. It's funny and brutal and hope-giving.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Artemisia » Tue Aug 05, 2014 3:45 pm UTC

That's awesome, thanks for sharing!
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