[SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Oct 31, 2011 5:04 am UTC

My mom was stay-at-home for the first 10 years of my life, and then took up a teaching career when we moved. I think it was most crucial between the ages of 0 and 5, when I was learning to read and developing language. Afterwards, daycare and babysitters didn't seem to particularly hurt us.
tenet |ˈtenit|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Amie » Mon Oct 31, 2011 5:46 am UTC

My maa worked full time when my brother and I were growing up and so did my father. My maa got the same crap from her colleagues - how can you be a mother and still work? She still continued to work. My brother and I are extremely attached to our mother. We're very close. In spite of all the baby sitting we had and the most unpleasant times with our paternal grandmother treating both of us like crap when maa wasn't around.

I think it's because when maa came home, she did everything to make us feel like she missed us while she was gone. She used to feed us, play with us, teach us science and cycling. My father was pretty much useless. Maa stood around for the whole three hours for which we did karate and beamed at us whenever we turned to look her way. She used to work from 8:00am till 7.00pm - sometimes later than that. I don't know how she did it at work. She had to stand up to a lot of stupid criticisms but she always came back with an emphatic "I know what's best for my children and I will work towards giving them what they deserve in the way that I know is right. So fuck you." Maa LOVED us and it showed. Of course there's been times when she's driven me up the fucking wall but even in those times, she was always the first person I'd call if I needed anything. I faced a lot of shitty things in school too from other kids who had stay-at-home moms. They told me they "pitied" me. I told them I was proud of my mother and hoped to be as ambitious as her one day.

Being a mother and having a successful career? It can be done if you have the will. I don't. I've decided that I don't want kids because I don't know if I can do all of those difficult things my mother did. But my maa says that being a mother and having a successful career in tandem is one of the most fulfilling things ever. If your employers are hesitant about it, prove them wrong. *hugs* if you need them, Cathy.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Cathy » Mon Oct 31, 2011 6:26 am UTC

Thanks, Amie. And thanks to everyone who's posted about their thoughts and families.

I'm kind of jealous of people who had healthy family dynamics and I feel really awkward admitting it. It's really nice to hear about what a *good* parent does. I'm very afraid that I'll just start off on the wrong track and follow my family down the roads of good intentions, y'know?

I really want a family, and I really want to read to my children and teach them and have them love life, but I also want my life to have things that are *mine*, and that's why I want a career.

I really appreciate the Women thread being here.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Amie » Mon Oct 31, 2011 7:52 am UTC

Cathy wrote:I'm kind of jealous of people who had healthy family dynamics and I feel really awkward admitting it. It's really nice to hear about what a *good* parent does. I'm very afraid that I'll just start off on the wrong track and follow my family down the roads of good intentions, y'know?

What I've had can't exactly be called "good family dynamics". My father was emotionally and physically abusive towards my mother and I. I hated my maa for just lying down and taking it. Things have never been peachy with my family. Not even close. Also, my maa is NOT the perfect parent but she tried really hard. It really is up to the kids to notice that about a parent and appreciate it. You want a family and you want kids and the very fact that you're concerned about this issue makes you a darn good potential parent. Whether you do the things my maa did or the things typically associated with good parenting or not is really not all that important. You are looking into this and giving it due consideration -- that's all that matters.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Aiea » Mon Oct 31, 2011 10:01 am UTC

My husband is being a stay-at-home dad right now. I really wish it could be the other way around. I hope that we can work things such that in a year or two we switch.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Moo » Mon Oct 31, 2011 11:21 am UTC

Hi there ladies.

I apologise for barging into the thread after such a long absence; I had to take a break from the fora after some unpleasant exchanges and although I'm worried it will appear simply arrogant to assume y'all will care, I'm taking a chance that some of you will want to hear that my baby was born last week and we're both doing really well.

Lukas came 3 weeks earlier than the doctors predicted, but I have my misgivings about their calculations because there's nothing premature about him, he's perfect in every way. He was born via c-section (out of necessity) at 10:29am on Monday morning, 24 October. We've been home from the hospital for 3ish days now, and it's going pretty much as well as I think is humanly possible. He's a very good boy, and I've got my great husband and parents here taking care of me and the household. Sleep is interrupted, crying is heart breaking and breastfeeding is a huge learning curve, but Hubby and I are really really thrilled.

One thing I'll tell you though, there is very little dignity in having a baby :)

Picture:
Spoiler:
Image
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby podbaydoor » Mon Oct 31, 2011 2:04 pm UTC

Congratulations, Moo!

Actually, what you posted is kinda topical after all. :P Have you and Hubby decided to how allocate parenting/work duties?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby PictureSarah » Mon Oct 31, 2011 2:10 pm UTC

Congrats, Moo! Lukas is a great name, and he looks healthy. I got a gift for you ages ago, and with the moving and new job acquiring and complete home remodeling, I haven't sent it! I'm sorry, I suck. I actually tried to send it Saturday, but the post office was closed. Will try to do it today on my lunch! Hopefully it will arrive before Christmas :(.

Also, I know everyone is probably giving you 8 million pieces of unsolicited advice, but for the crying, if you can, look up The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD by Dr. Harvey Karp. He teaches 5 techniques to soothe crying babies in the first 3 months, and they're freakishly effective, while not being very intuitive.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Hope_ » Mon Oct 31, 2011 2:41 pm UTC

Congratulations! :) He is really gorgeous.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Moo » Mon Oct 31, 2011 3:26 pm UTC

PictureSarah wrote:Congrats, Moo! Lukas is a great name, and he looks healthy. I got a gift for you ages ago, and with the moving and new job acquiring and complete home remodeling, I haven't sent it! I'm sorry, I suck. I actually tried to send it Saturday, but the post office was closed. Will try to do it today on my lunch! Hopefully it will arrive before Christmas :(.

Also, I know everyone is probably giving you 8 million pieces of unsolicited advice, but for the crying, if you can, look up The Happiest Baby on the Block DVD by Dr. Harvey Karp. He teaches 5 techniques to soothe crying babies in the first 3 months, and they're freakishly effective, while not being very intuitive.

Thanks Sarah, for the gift as well as the recommendation. Don't apologise; it was not necessary to get us anything at all, so whenever it gets here it will be a lovely surprise.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby The EGE » Mon Oct 31, 2011 3:44 pm UTC

It's a Moo-ling! Congratulations!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby natraj » Mon Oct 31, 2011 3:45 pm UTC

Aww, congratulations, Moo! I am glad to hear you are all doing so well, he looks precious. :mrgreen:
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Cathy » Mon Oct 31, 2011 4:06 pm UTC

Congratulations! Lukas looks wonderful. I'm glad you're all doing well!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Aaeriele » Mon Oct 31, 2011 5:17 pm UTC

Moo wrote:One thing I'll tell you though, there is very little dignity in having a baby :)

Picture:
Spoiler:
Image


Very little dignity, but quite a lot of beauty. :) Congratulations!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Virtual_Aardvark » Mon Oct 31, 2011 8:55 pm UTC

Dawwww

Congrats!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby mochafairy » Mon Oct 31, 2011 9:56 pm UTC

Congrats, Moo! Baby Lukas looks adorable! :D
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Jessica » Tue Nov 01, 2011 3:47 pm UTC

Congratulations!! You have a child!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Plasmic-Turtle » Tue Nov 01, 2011 6:13 pm UTC

Moo! Of course we all care!
So glad that he's arrived safe and sound, he looks absolutely gorgeous. Many congratulations to you and hubby. I can imagine trying to recover from an unplanned C-section and dealing with new motherhood simultaneously must be pretty full on - massive hugs and support to you, I hope you've got plenty of people about to lend a hand.

Off topic, but all going well I've recently found out that I'll have a new niece or nephew in June, and I've been invited to attend the home birth if I'm in the city at the time! I guess it would be cool, but it might make me want to go get my tubes tied after...

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Isotope_238 » Tue Nov 01, 2011 7:44 pm UTC

Baby Moo! Yay! Congratulations and happiness!

Also, is anyone else not seeing the image?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby animeHrmIne » Wed Nov 02, 2011 5:47 am UTC

Isotope_238 wrote:Baby Moo! Yay! Congratulations and happiness!

Also, is anyone else not seeing the image?

Me

Congrats, Moo! I'm so happy for you and your family. :)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby poxic » Wed Nov 02, 2011 6:03 am UTC

Rehosted here for those who can't see the cuteness:

Spoiler:
lukas.jpg
Mini-Moo!
lukas.jpg (11.39 KiB) Viewed 4962 times


/also: CONGRATUWONDERFULLATIONS!
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby BoomFrog » Wed Nov 02, 2011 7:21 am UTC

Daaawww...
Moo wrote:Sleep is interrupted, crying is heart breaking and breastfeeding is a huge learning curve,
I trust that you got lactation consultation from your hospitol? Breastfeeding is surprisingly hard to get right (for some people).
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby caisara » Wed Nov 02, 2011 2:00 pm UTC

.
Last edited by caisara on Fri Dec 16, 2011 2:12 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Isotope_238 » Thu Nov 03, 2011 12:35 am UTC

Thanks, poxic. Aww, so tiny!

Random question: what is the name of the makeup that you'd use to hide a red zit or other small area of skin? I'm looking for spot coverage only.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby poxic » Thu Nov 03, 2011 12:41 am UTC

I just use normal foundation, only on the one spot. This requires fairly well-matched foundation, or else a not-very-conspicuous location. Otherwise, the spot-covering stuff is usually called "concealer" around here.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby ginadagny » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:47 am UTC

Congrats Moo! :D

Alright ladies, I'm getting my IUD put in next week. They told me I should take some ibuprofen 1/2 an hour before my appointment. Any other tips?

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Cathy » Thu Nov 03, 2011 5:11 am UTC

Ginadagny: Have something to distract you for about 3-6 hours afterwards. When I've got terribad cramps, I read a fantastic book or play an immersive computer game. The cramps from putting the IUD in were more intense, but somewhat distractible. I definitely agree with pain-killers.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Alder » Thu Nov 03, 2011 11:08 am UTC

Congratulations, Moo. He looks very cute all cuddled up there.

caisara wrote:
KestrelLowing wrote:(All I know is I won't be putting down "home engineer" on my resume - seriously, what load of bollocks is that?!)


I don't think being a home engineer is bollocks. It's a great gig if you have the connections to pull it off. I think the trick is to (1) have a ton of connections from an existing job and (2) start a shell corporation and run it through that. (At least in the US. I don't know what corporate law is like in the UK.)

I could be wrong, but I don't think Kestrel meant 'working as an engineer from home', but "home engineer" in the same sense as "home maker"...
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby caisara » Thu Nov 03, 2011 11:19 am UTC

.
Last edited by caisara on Fri Dec 16, 2011 2:13 pm UTC, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby KestrelLowing » Thu Nov 03, 2011 3:00 pm UTC

Alder wrote:Congratulations, Moo. He looks very cute all cuddled up there.

caisara wrote:
KestrelLowing wrote:(All I know is I won't be putting down "home engineer" on my resume - seriously, what load of bollocks is that?!)


I don't think being a home engineer is bollocks. It's a great gig if you have the connections to pull it off. I think the trick is to (1) have a ton of connections from an existing job and (2) start a shell corporation and run it through that. (At least in the US. I don't know what corporate law is like in the UK.)

I could be wrong, but I don't think Kestrel meant 'working as an engineer from home', but "home engineer" in the same sense as "home maker"...


Ah, yes, that's completely what I meant, and just an FYI, I'm about as American as they come, excepting native Americans of course. Family's been here almost since the Mayflower. I just really like the work bollocks! :wink:

Evidently there has been an increase in stay at home moms putting that on their resume to say what they were doing for however long they were off work. As someone who is attempting to become a 'real' engineer, being a stay at home mom is no where near being an engineer - difficult, heck yes, but engineering, no.

I have thought about how I could do 'at home engineering' though just to keep myself sane/ up-to-date and to keep up when I would go back into the workforce full-time it would show that I haven't lost my abilities.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby podbaydoor » Thu Nov 03, 2011 3:07 pm UTC

Re: concealer: I have a giant zit scab on my chin and I'm about to go off to a steampunk convention this weekend, so I want to cover it up. But I really dislike how foundation and powder feel on my skin, so I've been considering just getting the concealer stick. Would it stand out too much if I had mostly bare skin and put concealer on that? Or would I need to have foundation to blend with?
tenet |ˈtenit|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Shro » Thu Nov 03, 2011 3:41 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:Re: concealer: I have a giant zit scab on my chin and I'm about to go off to a steampunk convention this weekend, so I want to cover it up. But I really dislike how foundation and powder feel on my skin, so I've been considering just getting the concealer stick. Would it stand out too much if I had mostly bare skin and put concealer on that? Or would I need to have foundation to blend with?

Try a creamy type concealer.

If you're willing to make an investment then I would recommend these following products:
Benefit Boi-ing
But ONLY if you're able to try on the color first and see if it matches up- they have a limited color range. This one is a more solidified creamy concealer- dry skin isn't the biggest fan of this product. The nice thing about it though, is once it's on, it doesn't budge much. And the coverage is buildable, so you can really layer it on.

I also like the ones in the tubes with an applicator like lip gloss.
Origins Quick, Hide! This one is fantastic for on the go. Have to reapply decently often iirc- but it's pretty hassle free and doesn't feel gross and sticky on the skin, which is what I'm guessing you're trying to avoid.

Love love love this stuff.
Dior Skinflash Radiance Booster Pen. Only really worth it if they have some sort of promotion going on and you get some free mascara and a bag or something though. This comes in a pen and makes everything just look amazing.

Clinique Skin clearing concealer Nice thing about these is it heals up a zit when you first get it- that way you don't end up dealing with scabs, hopefully. I know I have no patience dealing with acne, but it ended up so bad for my skin - acne scars that I have to deal with. But luckily the acne party on my face is pretty much over.

Also, it really depends on if you have dry skin or oily skin how well the concealer is going to blend. So moisturize!
Last edited by Shro on Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:04 pm UTC, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby podbaydoor » Thu Nov 03, 2011 3:55 pm UTC

^+1 for the advice.

I'll wait here!

Edit: I have combination dry and oily skin. The "T-shape" (forehead, nose, parts of cheeks) get really oily. Most of my lower cheeks, jawline, and chin, can get really dry, especially after showering. My entire face gets pretty oily throughout the day, though.
tenet |ˈtenit|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Shro » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:06 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:I have combination dry and oily skin. The "T-shape" (forehead, nose, parts of cheeks) get really oily. Most of my lower cheeks, jawline, and chin, can get really dry, especially after showering. My entire face gets pretty oily throughout the day, though.

Welcome to the club! Where is the zit scab?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby podbaydoor » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:07 pm UTC

On my chin, a little to the right. It's pretty solidly right there in the middle area, can't hide it by holding my head at an angle or anything.
tenet |ˈtenit|
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Shro » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:28 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:On my chin, a little to the right. It's pretty solidly right there in the middle area, can't hide it by holding my head at an angle or anything.

If you're going to be costuming and such with decent frequency, it may be worth it to get the boi-ing stuff. Try wearing a tinted moisturizer with it. It'll even out some skin tone, without feeling too heavy like foundations you are probably used to, and it will give something for the concealer to blend with. So this basically my "Don't give a shit but still want to look decent routine". Concealer. Tinted moisturizer. Brown/Purple/gray eyeliner. Mascara.

Makeup is my photoshop in real life. I forget sometimes that it's actually something I enjoy doing.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby podbaydoor » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:36 pm UTC

I'll look into all of those. I'm completely new at makeup and it scares me, frankly, so thank you for your guidelines!

So far I look pretty good with black eyeliner. Since I only wear cosmetics for my costumes now, I don't mind going for dramatic colors and lines. Don't really need subtlety when I'm going around in a corset and panties.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby Shro » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:48 pm UTC

podbaydoor wrote:I'll look into all of those. I'm completely new at makeup and it scares me, frankly, so thank you for your guidelines!

So far I look pretty good with black eyeliner. Since I only wear cosmetics for my costumes now, I don't mind going for dramatic colors and lines. Don't really need subtlety when I'm going around in a corset and panties.

I just want you(and everyone) to know that the stuff I linked is the Expensive Shit, and you can find drugstore brands that do similar things. So basically, if makeup were drugs, and I was your dealer, I'd basically be leading you straight to the dopest dope.
I could wax poetic about the benefits of gel eyeliner vs. liquid vs. pencil. But I don't usually. Because I'm afraid people will think I am dumb and/or shallow/more preoccupied with looks than I am I guess. (Holla if you're tired of the False pretty/smart dichotomy women/girls have to deal with.)
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby SecondTalon » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:51 pm UTC

Given what I've seen you wax poetic about...

Go right ahead. I not only won't be judging you, but I'm probably going to find it damn interesting even though I'll likely never have a reason to put it in practical use. Except this is probably the thing that I'd be most likely to use and not just file away in the "Interesting stuff" drawer in my head.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] Woman Thread - All Things Women. Period.

Postby podbaydoor » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:59 pm UTC

Men look good in eyeliner too. Just so you know, SexyTalon. ;)

@Shro: I was worried about that, too. I was anti-makeup for a long time out of rebellion and fear of being obsessed with looks. But now? I understand that makeup can be used as an enhancer. As long as I don't come to rely on a "face" to feel good about my looks, I'm fine. I am secure knowing that I'm attractive with or without makeup, so I'm okay with using it to achieve a desired costuming effect.

I just want you(and everyone) to know that the stuff I linked is the Expensive Shit, and you can find drugstore brands that do similar things. So basically, if makeup were drugs, and I was your dealer, I'd basically be leading you straight to the dopest dope.

I like knowing my options. Plus, I'm so ignorant about cosmetics, I have no idea how to determine how much a product's price is related to its quality. I know there is probably a lot of stuff out there that is overpriced and not that good, but I can't tell. So I'm glad you gave me tested recommendations.
tenet |ˈtenit|
noun
a principle or belief, esp. one of the main principles of a religion or philosophy : the tenets of classical liberalism.
tenant |ˈtenənt|
noun
a person who occupies land or property rented from a landlord.


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