[SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ObsessoMom » Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:03 pm UTC

That's a good attitude, flicky.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:05 pm UTC

Monika wrote:How can they close a shelter in the winter in Seattle :-(


They opened it again. It's just that with work and other obligations I couldn't check back in and now all the women's beds are full.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby flicky1991 » Mon Nov 20, 2017 4:47 pm UTC

Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:
Monika wrote:How can they close a shelter in the winter in Seattle :-(


They opened it again. It's just that with work and other obligations I couldn't check back in and now all the women's beds are full.
Sounds rough for you. I hope things work out.
ObsessoMom wrote:That's a good attitude, flicky.
Thanks. It's nice to just be able to say what I think about it in places like this. I got so used to thinking of "coming out" as some grand, definitive thing that I never really talked about just questioning these things at all before this year.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Wed Nov 22, 2017 9:38 am UTC

From a young age I tried to figure myself out. Feelings that my body and gender roles were wrong persisted for quite a while. I wanted to dress in girly clothes, have a girly voice and a feminine body shape and feminine body parts... however that never happened (except the female clothes/makeup wearing, which did happen). I had to deal with the disparity in what I wanted to be treated as and what I "actually was by birth," which caused a lot of internal battles. For a while just role-playing as the opposite gender was enough. However I found a seedy side to it where people wanted to treat me like a sexual object, which I didn't altogether mind, though in real life nobody wanted me. That's another thing too: How do you have dates when most people expect your body parts to match your clothes and hair and whatnot yet mine don't? Most people think the phrase, "woman with a penis" is silly and wrong, yet until I have the surgery that is what I am. So I made a vow to myself that I'd try to come to terms with whatever kind of woman I am.

And I have had some positive experiences being transgender: People calling me, "young lady" or offering to do things for me or even calling me sexy. Those are the times when the work I put into figuring myself out is worth it. Unfortunately a lot of the nice behavior has disbelief mixed in there where they still won't accept me until I have a vagina and breasts.

Update: And my sexual orientation is another thing. Do I like boys, girls, both or neither or mixed? I've come to the conclusion that I like and shall have relationships with either sex. If they look a bit gender-bending I can relate to that. If they have elements of both sexes in their personalities, way of dressing or behaviors I can get down with that too. Nonetheless I still find myself being critical of what "passes as a woman or a man" when evaluating a potential friend or date partner. Anyways I'm comfortably bisexual for now. I just have a lot to learn about being appropriate when somebody shows that they like me.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Wed Nov 22, 2017 4:20 pm UTC

Dr34m(4+(h3r wrote:
Monika wrote:How can they close a shelter in the winter in Seattle :-(


They opened it again. It's just that with work and other obligations I couldn't check back in and now all the women's beds are full.

FUCK
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby flicky1991 » Wed Nov 22, 2017 6:33 pm UTC

Ginger wrote:Nonetheless I still find myself being critical of what "passes as a woman or a man" when evaluating a potential friend or date partner.
I know this problem... not so much friends, but whether I'm attracted to someone does somewhat depend on that. That's one reason why I call myself bi rather than pan, despite not really fitting in the gender binary myself.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Dr34m(4+(h3r » Wed Nov 22, 2017 6:33 pm UTC

The other problem is that even with SSI, I haven't been able to find anyone willing to rent to me or house me long term and it's unlikely that will change much.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Thu Nov 23, 2017 7:59 am UTC

flicky1991 wrote:
Ginger wrote:Nonetheless I still find myself being critical of what "passes as a woman or a man" when evaluating a potential friend or date partner.
I know this problem... not so much friends, but whether I'm attracted to someone does somewhat depend on that. That's one reason why I call myself bi rather than pan, despite not really fitting in the gender binary myself.

It's not truly practical or nice with the judging whether or not they pass. Though I kind of like to surround myself with hot friends so there's that however mostly it's my physical attraction or ease of talking to them that depends on whether they look like they are a man or a woman. Not being a traditional whatever gender/orientation is tough and most people don't think too much if they shun you because of how you look. So I have learned to be a bit discriminating. Sometimes when I feel cruel to men I call myself a lesbian however I believe bisexual is what I'll go with when I'm charitable.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby CelticNot » Thu Nov 23, 2017 4:35 pm UTC

Dunno whether I should post this here or in the Woman Thread, but...

I know there's no evidence for developing periods when on female hormones, but I'll be damned if I haven't had an emotional low like clockwork every 4.5 weeks in the last six months. I almost wish I had the physical symptoms to go with it, because then it would catch me less off-guard each time.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Mon Nov 27, 2017 11:57 am UTC

I posted in The Woman Thread once. It was a negative post about men's "grotesque egos" or something? And nobody said anything so I didn't feel like Part of the Woman Club. I felt hesitant about ever posting with the women that were born women again. But we can forgive them because I was having an off day and making coy remarks. Anyways, when I started estrogen, I definitely felt moodier. I was having emotional lows anyways but I distinctly recall one time having a row with a friend and coming out crying profusely where otherwise I wouldn't. So you're not alone. As far as period symptoms, physical ones, go: I can go without them. But again it's like being Part of the Woman Club to have them....
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Pfhorrest » Wed Nov 29, 2017 2:56 am UTC

I just had a pleasant new first. I've previously had people address me as female, and then change to male after interacting with me for a bit, usually without further comment on the "slip-up", and I always find it kinda nice that at least at first I was passing as female (and being genderqueer I don't really mind if they reassess me as male afterward, straddling that line of androgyny is my goal and I'm thrilled enough that it works well enough to get female-at-first-glance at least).

But just now, some random guy in a car next to me in a parking lot addressed me as "bud" at first, and then switched to "ma'am" and apologized after I spoke. I haven't even shaved in days, though in all fairness it was dark out and I wasn't facing right at him so maybe he couldn't tell. But I guess size and stature read "male" out of the corner of his eye, but clothes and voice read "female" on closer inspection? Cool.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby flicky1991 » Wed Nov 29, 2017 6:41 am UTC

That sounds wonderful! I sometimes feel like presenting as female, but I'm bad enough socially that I don't want to add an extra layer of difficulty.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby e^iπ+1=0 » Wed Nov 29, 2017 9:57 am UTC

Yeah, I similarly haven't bothered much with exploring gender presentations or what have you despite kind of wanting to. Though for me I think the most significant factor is just how shitty trans people get treated. Like, my thought process has sort of been "Hmm, kinda feel like maybe I'm not cis... Supposing I'm not, what sort of things would I actually want to do about that? Probably not much, because literally every day I see shitty experiences that trans people I know have to deal with and I don't want that."
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Wed Nov 29, 2017 10:37 am UTC

People who've been born into a gender role and presentation, with the right body parts and voices don't really know how difficult it is for those things not to match your current body/voice. People call you different words depending on what gender you are, they talk about different subjects in conversations and they behave differently in interpersonal relationships. Women have been real judging on me. Saying I'm not real, I have a "male energy" or that I'm making a fetish out of womanhood. So yes, transgender people get treated like garbage, and I have been. They won't even let me use the appropriate bathrooms or go to women's groups--Even the ones that say they accept me.

It makes me tempted to side with the bad men I hated/loved (it's complicated) in my younger years that used me. Because at least they like me for something. These supposedly open-minded "regular people" never treat me like a real woman and I hate it.

Update: I get the worst parts of being treated like a woman when it happens. People are fine calling me a "Bitch" in public or some weird stalker girl but they don't treat me like a lady. My friends have called me a bitch, strangers cat called me on the street and my friends used my home and hospitality as a way to get stuff out of me like their Goddess damned mother. So unless people are calling me a sexy object or a nightmare they never treat me like a lady.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat Dec 02, 2017 11:21 am UTC

Has someone watched Modern Family? What are these wedding boards where Cam and Mitch say „veto veto veto“?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Deva » Sat Dec 02, 2017 4:17 pm UTC

Appears to be used for planning. Creates a visual sketch of how you want the wedding to look.

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Changes its form depending on the observer.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Sat Dec 02, 2017 5:04 pm UTC

Thanks
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ivnja » Mon Dec 04, 2017 3:02 am UTC

I'm kind of terrified of Alzheimer's. Both my grandmothers developed it. It took my dad's mom about 10 years after diagnosis earlier this decade, and now I'm experiencing it much more intimately with my mom's mom, who was diagnosed somewhere around the time my other grandmother passed and eventually came to live with us for about two and a half years until breaking her hip earlier this year, and recently is back with us again. She was one of the smartest women I've ever known, absolutely sharp as a tack, but she's in the advanced stages now and there's not much of that part of her left. It's painful as a caregiver to see the deterioration of someone you love, and to see their confusion and fear when they know that something is wrong with them but can no longer understand what.

Right now, in her mind she's (usually) back in high school, and has lost basically her entire adult life except her children. She lights up when she sees me, but hasn't the faintest idea that I'm a grandchild (and is generally truly disturbed by the possibility when an outside caregiver makes the mistake of referring to me as one in front of her). She has no clue that she married her high school sweetheart (she does, when prompted or when she sees an old photo, remember him as her boyfriend, who even now it's obvious that she absolutely adored) or that we buried him almost 20 years ago. She's often shocked when she catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror - her brain obviously doesn't realize that she's almost 90 years old, and isn't prepared for snow white hair or deep wrinkles...and she's had white hair for a looooong time - it was pretty much there by the time I was born, and I'm a few months shy of 30.

I know late-onset Alzheimer's doesn't directly run in families, as such, but if there is as hypothesized a genetic component, I'm potentially getting it from both sides. And even if not, I believe I read that by age 85, 50% of all adults show symptoms of Alzheimer's (or is it just dementia in general? I'm not sure on that point). So if I live long enough, there are better-than-even odds that I'll lose this part of my life, and the potential implications of that freak me out. I didn't figure myself out until my mid-20s, didn't start my transition until eleven months ago, and at this point haven't started living full-time yet. I'd like to hope that 50+ years of living as a woman will implant itself pretty firmly, but the possibility that it doesn't is horrifying. Having seen my grandmother's struggles with just the age part firsthand almost daily, it's literally unimaginable to me what going through body dysphoria again, in reverse, as a scared and confused elderly woman who expects to see a teenage boy in the mirror, would be like.

Maybe some of this is a fear that I'm wrong about myself now talking. Most of it is a pretty well-honed fear of the disease in general. If a cure isn't developed by that point, I can say with absolute seriousness that I would rather die than go through it myself.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Mon Dec 04, 2017 2:57 pm UTC

*hugs* if wanted

If you're about 30 now and your family members got it around age 80 scientists have 50 years time ... I think the chances are pretty good that they will have found treatment by then. Wasn't there even something in the news about progress on a vaccination for Alzheimer?

Also seeing themselves as teens ... is that common? I mostly heard of people thinking they are at their job / have to go out to go to their jobs. What did your first grandmother think how old she was? If your memory happens to get stuck between 25 and 30 you might expect to see a male form in the mirror and then you're in for a positive surprise every time.

But it's not at all certain that you would get Alzheimer anyway.

I think the 50% at age 85 is probably all dementia. You, too, will probably forget your keys at home, your purse at the store or leave the water running in the sink several times a month at one point. I really hope the rest will be okay for you and everyone else who didn't get to transition as teens.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ObsessoMom » Mon Dec 04, 2017 5:59 pm UTC

My 79-year-old dad has some form of dementia, which my family didn't notice for many years because he's also severely bipolar. It can take a very long time to realize that a person with manic logorrhea (incessant talking, usually about a topic that obsesses him) might be repeating himself because he doesn't remember having already told you something a few times in the same conversation, rather than because he's run out of fresh material but still feels a desperate need to chat with you.

His own father, and his father before him, and my mother's mother, all began experiencing short-term memory loss at around my age. So as I start to exhibit typical perimenopausal absent-mindedness (I'm 49), I can't help worrying that it might be hiding something more serious than just typical perimenopausal absent-mindedness.

So I have some inkling of how scary your situation is, I think.

*Hugs* if you want them.

Also, here's some unsolicited advice that you will either find helpfully good or hilariously bad:

Spoiler:
Personally, I find the following thought optimistic and helpful. Unfortunately, whenever I've shared it with others, they have laughed at me and said it's not a cheerful thought at all, but ridiculously dark and pessimistic.

But whether people find it helpful or just hilarious, it cheers them up a bit either way, right? So I keep sharing it. Anyway:

Almost every time I've invested a lot of high-quality worry into some terrible thing that might happen, I've been blindsided by something else instead.

All that worry, wasted.

So, aside from a few worst-case scenario preparations that I feel it would be irresponsible not to make, I try not to dwell too much on bad things that might happen to me and my loved ones. Since we have limited time in which to be healthy and happy, it's best to use as much of that time as possible enjoying what we have, rather than mourning its loss before it's even gone.

[Edited to say: Or at least that's the logical way to look at it. Obviously, one's emotions are not particularly logic-based, and are going to do what they're going to do.]

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ivnja » Wed Dec 06, 2017 2:02 am UTC

Hugs gratefully accepted.

I don't know if the teen years thing is common. She was a schoolteacher for a few years after college (and still sort of remembers that, when prompted), but then raised five children and didn't go back to outside employment, so being at work wasn't a big part of her life. She did have a huge emotional connection to her hometown and high school (she was a cheerleader, my grandfather was in the marching band, they were homecoming queen and king, all that jazz), which may be why she retains such strong memories of those times.
I don't honestly know where in time my other grandmother ended up - I didn't see her much in her last several years :/

ObsessoMom, that advice made me smile :)
I do waste a lot of worry.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Tue Dec 12, 2017 9:03 am UTC

I see my male mental health medication doctor today. I haven't been doing so well at taking my medications though. But honestly: None of them feel like they work. It feels like my body is super resistant to the medications or something. And I'm not expecting them to totally take my symptoms away but I would definitely like less whole body shaking from anxiety, or being constantly reminded of past abuse or being abused right now. However they won't give me Valium or Ativan or whatever because, "You have an addictive personality and you'll totally get addicted!" They banned me from Seroquel already. Goddess do I hate my medications doctor/psychiatrist.

And he misidentifies me constantly going as far as to call me a "he/she" on the phone. He tells me I'll get raped if I do X. Because that's a way to counsel "addiction to bad substances," right? Totally. I don't want to see him because he misidentifies me.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Zohar » Tue Dec 12, 2017 3:29 pm UTC

Can you switch doctors? He sounds terrible.
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby ObsessoMom » Tue Dec 12, 2017 3:55 pm UTC

Zohar wrote:Can you switch doctors? He sounds terrible.


Seconded.

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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Monika » Tue Dec 12, 2017 6:11 pm UTC

If switching doctors is impossible, can a friend who correctgenders you go with you?
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Re: [SAFESPACE] LGBTIQQA Thread - Queer Support!

Postby Ginger » Wed Dec 13, 2017 8:04 am UTC

I quit that doctor today. I need to see my therapist but I don't need psychiatric medications that don't work. I know a better anxiety medication would have an effect on me and he doesn't agree. Anyways, I'm not going back to him unless I have to in order to see my therapist. I was only seeing him for necessary medications and to qualify for money to live. Of course I have a legitimate disability but what I'm saying is that I have to see these people at least once a month to continue receiving money that I need to buy clothes, food and continue living at my household (I have to pay into bills or might get ejected again). I've tried working and it was disastrous. Like the time I tried to be an entrepreneur and conduct my own job. Now that was fun. And I know I'm a bad lady-leech on America because I receive moneys for not working a job.
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