Corrupt-a-wish

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Quizatzhaderac
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Tue Jun 06, 2017 3:46 pm UTC

The responding djinn is the one form the fisherman and the djinn who doesn't so much grant the wish of the person who let's them out of the bottle, as brutally murder them (apparently being trapped in a bottle at the bottom of the ocean for a thousand years pisses one off).

I wish I didn't kill the thread for a week.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Tue Jun 06, 2017 5:57 pm UTC

Granted. But the thread gets so polular it breaks the fora permantely.

I wish I had a cherry tree.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Lavender Manna » Tue Jun 06, 2017 10:08 pm UTC

granted, but the malevolent ghost of george washington chops it down. just look at this smug fucker:
Spoiler:
Image


i wish that i had never seen that cursed painting

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:31 am UTC

Granted. You are telepathically shown the vision of your own horrified face.

I wish the world was a clock punk world dominated by gears and clockworks.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Wed Jun 07, 2017 8:26 pm UTC

Granted: All is clock..

I wish I had an all fruit tree.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Sat Jun 10, 2017 11:58 pm UTC

Granted. Your tree grows only rotten tomatos. It gives itself a 6%.

I wish math grew on trees.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Lavender Manna » Thu Jun 15, 2017 8:09 am UTC

congratulations, now there's no more fruit trees.

I wish for peace and quiet

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Jun 15, 2017 3:17 pm UTC

granted, it gets very quiet when the PEACE spacecraft crash through your ceiling.

I wish I had more tea.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu Jun 15, 2017 4:01 pm UTC

Granted, all potable liquid within a one meter radius of you is converted into dried tea leaves.

I wish I could just set a flag in the definition of an axis service to replace the "Hi there, this is an AXIS service! Perhaps there will be a form for invoking the service here... " page with a form for invoking the service.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Mon Jun 19, 2017 3:15 am UTC

Granted. The form does not, however, invoke the service. It instead leads to a PDF document with an embedded flash presentation of an animated text video describing how awesome AXIS would be if it were enabled.

I wish DynaSoar (or its progeny, DreamCatcher), is successful and becomes the next gateway to space.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Tue Jun 20, 2017 12:42 am UTC

granted but it takes 5 times longer than expected to achieve.

i wish i hadn't forgotten to wish for something.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu Jun 29, 2017 3:23 pm UTC

Granted, you remembered to wish for "something". You receive a pile of "Something".

I wish for a little sumthin', sumthin'
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Fri Jun 30, 2017 7:51 pm UTC

Granted. The sum is 2 thin'

I wish I could not wear a shirt at work and not get in trouble.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Fri Jun 30, 2017 9:40 pm UTC

Granted. Everyone else gets away with not wearing pants, and not getting into trouble. But you can't.

I with it were ten degrees (F) cooler out, where I am, without changing where I am.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Fri Jun 30, 2017 10:37 pm UTC

Granted. The exact spot you are standing is 10 degrees colder than anywhere else due to a rain cloud that hovers over your head. Everyone thinks you are a witch and attempts to burn you at the stake.

I wish my water bottle didn't get empty ao quickly.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Sat Jul 01, 2017 4:48 am UTC

Granted. It's now an eight liter water bottle.

I wish for a pool cover and a spa cover.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Sat Jul 01, 2017 6:24 am UTC

Granted. But you have no pool or spa.

I wish the world revolved around me.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Sat Jul 01, 2017 12:10 pm UTC

Granted. I'm sure you managed to cause widespread destruction, but just to be sure, I submitted the question to What If to get Randall's answer.

I wish Randall would answer one of the What If questions I submitted.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Sat Jul 01, 2017 5:34 pm UTC

Granted. He sends you a tape of somebody laughing.

I wish I got what I wish I wished for, rather than what I actually wished for.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Mon Jul 10, 2017 1:40 pm UTC

Granted. You actually wish for what you want to wish for too, and get what you wish to wish to wish instead. And then get what you wish to wish to wish to wish for and so on. This infinite recursion contradicts any wish you would make.

I wish for a military tank.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Mon Jul 10, 2017 1:56 pm UTC

Granted. A tank appears two feet above your head before succumbing to gravity.

I wish I didn't have to come up with a wish every time I came up with a corruption in this thread.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Lavender Manna » Mon Jul 10, 2017 8:01 pm UTC

Granted. But now you have to hang out with Huery in the "can't remember how to play the game properly" corner of shame :P

I wish I could just sit comfortably instead of being antsy and wiggly all the time

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby flicky1991 » Mon Jul 10, 2017 8:06 pm UTC

Granted. You have no limbs with which to wiggle.

I wish I could make better music.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Tue Jul 11, 2017 12:57 am UTC

Granted. Your music is good enough to raise your fan base by one.

I wish I could escape the corner of shame.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:04 pm UTC

granted. Instead they give you the cone of shame.

I wish that all ticks died of a disease that was only fatal to ticks, and that their place in the ecosystem was taken by some harmless, non-annoying, and non-disease-spreading insect.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Tue Jul 11, 2017 8:42 pm UTC

Granted, but now nobody is capable of stopping The Evil Midnight Bomber What Bombs at Midnight from blowing up The City.

I wish for the powers of Mighty Agrippa.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Wed Jul 12, 2017 4:54 pm UTC

granted you are immune to all poisons, but bullets still kill you.


i wish to be a really awesome super hero with easy to defeat super villains.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Wed Jul 12, 2017 5:25 pm UTC

Granted. You are a very powerful superhero, and you devote your life to beating up a handful of unarmed thugs in costumes, none of whom are stronger or smarter than the average 10-year-old. It's kind of a boring life and a complete waste of your powers, but there's nothing you can do about it, since all the interesting villains moved elsewhere and you can't ever leave your hometown without permanently losing your powers.

I wish my finger would heal faster.

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eran_rathan
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Wed Jul 12, 2017 5:57 pm UTC

granted. it heals so quickly that your immune system become becomes sentient and detaches itself from your body, and goes actively hunting other threats to yourself.

I wish I had a moderately useful superpower.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Thu Jul 13, 2017 4:01 am UTC

Granted. Your head can turn into a blender and make smoothies.

I wish I had more pants that weren't ripped.
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Beatrice wrote:The world is quiet here.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby timrem » Thu Jul 13, 2017 8:12 pm UTC

Granted. You receive dozens of pairs of unripped pants, all several sizes too small for you to wear.

I wish for an Intel i9 processor.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Thu Jul 13, 2017 11:48 pm UTC

Granted. It has the Pentium bug.

I wish ants didn't invade my house.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Fri Jul 14, 2017 12:27 am UTC

Granted. Your house is only invaded by aliens.

I wish I never had to sleep.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Fri Jul 14, 2017 2:53 pm UTC

Granted, you are free to kill yourself before you need to sleep.

I wish I knew how to play the double guitar.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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timrem
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby timrem » Tue Jul 18, 2017 10:12 pm UTC

Granted. Upon gaining this knowledge, you become a quadriplegic.

I wish for a better genie.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Wed Jul 19, 2017 12:29 pm UTC

Granted, but it's in a magic lantern in a castle vault. No matter how many castles you raid, the magic lantern is always in another castle.

I wish Wolf O'Donnell would let me do a barrel roll.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Wed Jul 19, 2017 2:59 pm UTC

Granted, you turn out to be good at it, but wolf is better.
Also, whenever you have sex the laws of probability now demand at least one of these spoiler-ed star fox quotes be shouted:
Spoiler:
"Do a barrel roll!" (by a third party, don't try locking the doors, or they'll just cool-aid man their way in.)
"Cocky little runt!"
"Agghh, Fox, get this guy off me!"
"My emperor! I've failed you!"
"I guess I should be grateful."
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"You owe me one."
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"You're becoming more like your father"
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"Are you going to hog all the fun?"
"Can't you go bother someone else?"
"Escaping? I don't think so."
"Who are you guys?"
"Hey, what's the big idea?"


I wish for a Star Fox flight simulator.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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bug sniper
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Sun Jul 23, 2017 6:50 pm UTC

Granted. It's used in developing countries, where the pilots don't have money for flight schools. Due to insufficient training, their accident rate soars 300% and a travel alert is issued advising foreigners to avoid regional airlines.

I wish I was in the final fantasy universe.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
-Dungeon Crawl.

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flicky1991
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby flicky1991 » Sun Jul 23, 2017 9:56 pm UTC

Granted. You're a random goblin and get killed near the start of the game.

I wish I was a robot bird.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Mon Jul 24, 2017 2:27 am UTC

Granted. You were one, in a prior life - one which you cannot recall. You aren't one now, and because of the rules of prior lives and subsequent lives, you never will be one again.

I wish for a case of that wonderful British(!) dessert wine my sister-in-law gave me.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.


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