Corrupt-a-wish

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Ginger
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Ginger » Sun Jan 21, 2018 10:26 pm UTC

flicky1991 wrote:Granted. You're so not tired, you won't be able to sleep tonight.

I wish for the perfect steak.


You get the perfect, mistreated in cages at the farm, fresh to your plate steak and they tell you everything they did to it to MAKE IT a steak. Hope your tummy can handle that perfect steak now?

I wish I had the perfect wooden stake to slay all vampire lords and ladies forever and ever amen.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Mon Jan 22, 2018 2:05 am UTC

Granted. If there were any vampires, your stake could slay them. Unfortunately, you're being attacked by zombies rather than vampires, and your stake is not strong enough to pierce their skulls.

I wish Ginger had a shotgun and a chainsaw to deal with her zombie problem.

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Ginger
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Ginger » Mon Jan 22, 2018 2:21 am UTC

Granted. I graft the chainsaw to one arm and use the shotgun with my other hand. One handed blasting zombies until.... the angry zombies come and gnaw off my weapons and End Me. Bad ending too bad for Ginger.

I wish Sir Gabriel were a real knightly lord commander with legions of soldiers, the ears of the king and perfect hair forever.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Jan 25, 2018 3:00 pm UTC

granted, but the king gets really upset that Sir Gabriel cut off his ears, and so directs the legions of soldiers to attack him. This does not end well for Sir Gabriel.

I wish I had Terry Pratchett writing and David Attenborough narrating my life.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
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Ginger
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Ginger » Thu Jan 25, 2018 5:26 pm UTC

Granted, except T. Pratchett and D. Attenborough BOTH get... Alzheimer's, forget what they were doing, and wander off leaving your life unwritten/not narrated.

I wish everyone's lives were as exciting as my fantasies in my head....
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Azula to Long Feng wrote:Don't flatter yourself, you were never even a player.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Fri Feb 02, 2018 6:11 pm UTC

*cowers in fear* Granted? Everyone's lives are as exciting, but do not have the same content. Also, because everyone's lives are equally exciting, they gradually lose their appeal, and suicide rates spike dramatically. *whew*

I wish for the next poster to be stuck in the frictionless circle from elsewhere on the forums.

I ran out of time, will edit with link when I find it.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Thu Feb 15, 2018 1:55 pm UTC

Not granted. (Whew! It took me a long time to escape that one!)

I wish for my deck to be powerwashed.

Jose
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:09 pm UTC

Granted. With one of these.

I wish to be loved.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Samik » Thu Feb 15, 2018 6:59 pm UTC

Granted. Your virtue is recognized posthumously, and the whole world loves your memory.

I wish to be loathed.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Thu Feb 15, 2018 11:51 pm UTC

Granted. The hatred is so intense you are the subject of several mob hits at the same time, all within a few minutes of the wish being granted. Even after you're dead, they put a bomb in your hearse.

The next day, you are forgotten. Completely. Bit rot affects all your postings, and nobody cares. All evidence of your having lived is ignored, treated as an idle curiosity, and then decays.

I wish I weren't sick (or dead), and didn't wish I were.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Ginger » Fri Feb 16, 2018 11:21 am UTC

You are not sick or dead rather you are: Homeless, destitute, and addicted to drugs and bad relationships now. Enjoy?

I wish to meet a pirate and become her first mate. On a magnificent ship with a maiden on it and we have high seas adventures and get married.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Fri Feb 23, 2018 4:16 am UTC

Granted but you're now a wanted couple and you get captured by the Royal Navy. You get a choice: you can get a life sentence to the brig or you can end your adventure in Davy Jones' locker.

I wish the TV show "Shark Tank" would have it's name changed to "Dolphin Tank" or "Whale Tank".
Last edited by bug sniper on Sat Feb 24, 2018 6:40 am UTC, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Fri Feb 23, 2018 6:24 pm UTC

Granted, but the investors only invest krill.

I wish for a way to urinate without embarrassment without getting up from my chair.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Fri Feb 23, 2018 6:43 pm UTC

granted. you get a urostomy bag after your bladder is removed.

I wish that I could focus on getting this work done & enjoyed doing it.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Fri Feb 23, 2018 6:54 pm UTC

Granted. You have focused on getting this work done, and you have enjoyed Shark Week of high focus. However, you did not in fact get this work done.

I wish math were so easy that everyone could do it, and know how to apply it, and what it meant.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Fri Feb 23, 2018 7:58 pm UTC

granted - only those with sufficient IQ and mathematics training survive the Purge. Any children who can't do math are fed to the lions. Your population dies off in a few short decades.

I wish I could afford to quit my job &/or find another one that pays better and give me more time off.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Mon Feb 26, 2018 7:52 am UTC

Granted, but it turns out that you're an illegal immigrant in your country. If you quit your job, you'll be deported from your home or new workplace, and taken to whatever poor country your DNA matches.

I wish Donald Trump was a shark on Shark Tank. What's the worst that could happen?
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Mon Feb 26, 2018 3:07 pm UTC

Granted. He's a flying shark. With lasers. And his own hot air balloon.

I wish there were only one size of infinity.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Mon Feb 26, 2018 3:30 pm UTC

granted, all infinities are equally large, since they are infinite.

this doesn't change the weird cardinalities math, though.



I wish that my house was finished being repaired.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Mon Feb 26, 2018 6:12 pm UTC

Granted. It was. But a tree fell on it right afterwards, and now it needs repair again.

I wish for the Nobel Prize in math (as well as the Fields medal, which I'll share with eran_rathan), for showing that 0=1

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Mon Feb 26, 2018 7:26 pm UTC

granted, but the mathematicians you stole it from come after you (and me, apparently!)


I wish I was not in prison with Jose for stealing the Nobel Prize & Fields Medal.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Mon Feb 26, 2018 9:21 pm UTC

Granted. You are both stuck in a mental institution.

I wish it was already dinner time.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Tue Feb 27, 2018 2:07 am UTC

granted, it's dinner time when I post this.

I wish it was peanutbutter-jelly time.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Tue Feb 27, 2018 3:14 am UTC

Granted. It's always peanutbutter-jelly time. You just never have any peanut butter or jelly, except when you have no bread.

I wish I could easily tell whether a one-hour video (recommended to me by somebody whose recommendations are.... questionable) is worth my time, without spending anywhere near an hour to do it.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Tue Feb 27, 2018 6:05 pm UTC

Granted. You spend six days going over it in agonizing frame-by-frame detail.

I wish to stop being followed by my farts. (Do not ask, you don't want to know)
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Tue Feb 27, 2018 10:51 pm UTC

Granted. You are followed around by everyone else's farts. Your farts follow your friends around.

I wish there were no intermittent failures.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Wed Feb 28, 2018 5:05 am UTC

Granted, the failures are now constant.

I wish for a trip to Constantinople.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Wed Feb 28, 2018 3:23 pm UTC

granted, you are sent back in time to 330 AD, and are immediately seized as a slave by the Roman Army to help build the great city of New Rome. You die in horrible pain after a lifetime of back-breaking work.

I wish I was a citizen of Lichtenstein in the year 2018.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 5:02 pm UTC

Congratulations! However, in early 2019, Austria invades, and you have the choice of dying or becoming a citizen of Austria.

I have a neck pimple right now.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Wed Feb 28, 2018 5:43 pm UTC

is... is that a wish? I mean, I suppose I can grant you a neck pimple, which pops, becomes infected with a flesh-eating bacteria, leading to your eventual demise as a head in a jar, but that seems like a silly wish to wish for.

I wish for more silly wishes.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby flicky1991 » Wed Feb 28, 2018 7:53 pm UTC

Granted, but serious wishes are now banned.

I wish for a cute guy in my bed.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Wed Feb 28, 2018 8:19 pm UTC

Granted, but his partner is there with him, and there's no room for you.

I wish the web were a piece of paper.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu Mar 01, 2018 3:14 am UTC

Granted, your house is now infested by carpenter spiders, which are basically regular spiders, but instead of silk, their webs are made from paper.

I wish to blow up the world.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby heuristically_alone » Thu Mar 01, 2018 4:05 am UTC

Granted. You a random world blows up.

I wish I were a navy seal.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Mar 01, 2018 1:31 pm UTC

granted, you are a harbor seal covered in navy blue paint. You suffocate from the paint. :(


I wish I could get the courage to tell my bosses I'm not happy & want to look for another job.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Thu Mar 01, 2018 5:33 pm UTC

You are suddenly struck mute. :cry:

I wish for this wish to have a result that is not depressing.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Mar 01, 2018 5:41 pm UTC

granted, its funny instead.


I wish for enough money to rent a bulldozer to flatten my house.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Freddino18 » Thu Mar 01, 2018 5:58 pm UTC

A brick hits you, and you die.

I wish to be shown another reference.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Fri Mar 02, 2018 4:35 pm UTC

Granted: 101010

I wish I weren't so sleepy.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Fri Mar 02, 2018 4:40 pm UTC

granted, the genes that control sleep are CRISPR'd out of you. Without sleep, you slowly go mad. you're welcome.

I wish i could take today off.
"We have met the enemy, and we are they. Them? We is it. Whatever."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ


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