Corrupt-a-wish

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eran_rathan
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Mon Nov 14, 2016 10:01 pm UTC

Granted. Its about 62 miles straight down. Good news, you're travelling that way at a high rate of speed. Bad news, you don't have a parachute, jet pack, balloon, plane, squirrel suit, or spacesuit.


I wish that my phone charged instantly to full when plugged in, and had a 36-48 hour battery life.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Tue Nov 15, 2016 4:18 am UTC

Granted. It weighs seventy-two pounds and is the size of a microwave oven.

I wish I didn't make so many mistakes.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Tue Nov 15, 2016 1:08 pm UTC

granted - you are erased from the space-time continuum and have never existed.

I wish for a time travel machine that allows me to go forward or back to a date and time of my choosing, and that comes with me so that I can return to my initial date and time. So many points in history to fix...
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Tue Nov 15, 2016 3:02 pm UTC

Granted. You end up erasing everything in the space-time continuum and also no longer exist.

I wish I understood infinity, without my brain exploding.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Tue Nov 15, 2016 3:24 pm UTC

granted - your heart explodes instead.

I wish Jose would stop exploding.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Tue Nov 15, 2016 8:08 pm UTC

Granted. You explode instead.

I wish for politics to be less inflammatory.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby phillip1882 » Tue Nov 15, 2016 10:58 pm UTC

granted, they are set on fire less often.

i wish for a nice girl to marry me tommarow and not related by blood and we would both live at least 40 more years.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Wed Nov 16, 2016 12:43 am UTC

phillip1882 wrote:granted, they are set on fire less often.

i wish for a nice girl to marry me tommarow and not related by blood and we would both live at least 40 more years.


Granted, a nice girl marries M. E. Tommarow. Neither Mr. Tommarow nor the girl are related to you in way. They (and you) live 40 more years, before you kill Mr. Tommarow and his wife in a jealous rage.

I wish this pneumonia would stop afflicting me, and not infect to anyone else.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Sun Nov 20, 2016 9:50 pm UTC

Granted. If pneumonia bacteria get into your lungs, they will now cause mad cow disease instead.

I wish I knew how to type posts like this one.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Sun Nov 20, 2016 10:56 pm UTC

Granted. Now that you know how to do it, you can't stop doing it all the time and nobody can read your posts.

I wish this wish wasn't meta.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Mon Nov 21, 2016 2:39 am UTC

granted, its weta instead:

Image

I wish this stupid pneumonia would go away.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Mon Nov 21, 2016 11:15 am UTC

Granted. It's replaced by a smart pneumonia which is capable of quickly adapting to fight any attempt at treatment.

I wish English was less vague.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Mon Nov 21, 2016 5:11 pm UTC

Granted.
wiktionary wrote:Spinning or rotary motion given to a ball around the vertical axis, as in billiards or bowling.
People are able to precisely control the spin they put on billiard balls.

I wish I could remember the name of that woman, from the movie? with the thing?
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Mon Nov 21, 2016 6:16 pm UTC

Granted. The Thing is one of the Fantastic Four, so you must be talking about one of the Fantastic Four movies, which means the woman in question must be Susan Storm, aka The Invisible Woman.

I wish I knew where we kept blank printer paper so I could put more in the copier and copy what I need to copy.

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marionic
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby marionic » Mon Nov 21, 2016 7:55 pm UTC

Granted. It's in the shop.

I wish Pokémon Sun and Moon were out in the UK.
Image

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Wed Nov 23, 2016 7:23 pm UTC

Granted. The Japanese versions are released in the UK.

I wish for magic powers.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Wed Nov 23, 2016 8:02 pm UTC

Granted, you can cast dispel magic, detect scrying, counter-spell, non-detection, mage's disjunction, remove curse, detect magic, anti-magic shell, permanency, read magic, dimensional anchor, purge invisibility, banishment, planar binding, true seeing, contingency, and mind blank at will.

This is the only magic in the world.

I wish that holiday travel is smooth, quick, and safe.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Thu Nov 24, 2016 2:21 am UTC

Granted. The flight has less turbulence, burns fuel faster, and has better security and maintenance guidelines. However, this creates more greenhouse gasses, some of your family gets jailed by the thought police, you pay more for the extra flight inspections, and the displaced turbulence leads to powerful tornadoes near your destination.

I wish restaurants added less salt to their foods during the winter when our sodium needs are reduced.
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marionic
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby marionic » Thu Nov 24, 2016 8:13 am UTC

Granted but in the summer they just give you a plate of salt.

I wish to be as cool as this guy: 8-)
Image

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Fri Dec 02, 2016 6:39 pm UTC

Granted, he's yellow and the color temperature of yellow is 3000 K.

I wish for a cookie.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby thunk » Sat Dec 03, 2016 4:19 am UTC

They're tracking cookies.

I wish that my assignments were done already.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Sat Dec 03, 2016 4:41 am UTC

Granted. They are done.
In crayon.
By Donald Trump.

He's sending you a bill.
He will see to it that this bill is paid.

I wish the index of the last messages I read from each thread were stored locally on my computer, so that I didn't have to log in to use that feature.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Thu Dec 08, 2016 5:13 pm UTC

Granted, the post number of the last things you read are automatically stored in a flat file on your computer. All you need to do is write a browser plugin to utilize this information.

I wish the egosearch worked properly.
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Thu Dec 08, 2016 6:03 pm UTC

Granted. It still does exactly the same thing it did before, but now that's all it is intended to do, and therefore it is working properly and so will never be improved.

I wish I could spend as much time downtown as I wanted without paying for parking or for public transportation.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Thu Dec 08, 2016 6:07 pm UTC

Granted. You've been arrested.

I wish I wasn't still sick with pneumonia.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Thu Dec 08, 2016 6:37 pm UTC

Granted. You're now sick with ebola.

I wish I could connect to NationStates without my browser sending me back to the previous page.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Mon Dec 12, 2016 5:44 am UTC

Granted. When you log in, your browser sends you to your least favorite article on Breitbart instead (or New Yorker if you're conservative).

I wish for images of alots like those from Hyperbole and a Half to come into existence in response to every post that someone types and saves "alot" into, whenever the existence of an alot causes the post to become grammatically correct.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Mon Dec 12, 2016 5:48 pm UTC

Granted, but now instances of "a lot" are always understood to be "a discrete portion, with no specific connotations on size". For example: "Every day he spends 5 cents on gum; five cents is a lot of money"

I wish for a large lot of money.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby The Snide Sniper » Fri Dec 16, 2016 4:37 pm UTC

Granted. You inherit a large lot of money from your mother, who has just died.

I wish for the strength of ten men.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Fri Dec 16, 2016 6:08 pm UTC

Granted. You have the combined strength of ten paralytics who are all paralyzed from the neck down.

I wish I was ten times as strong as an average 26-year-old man.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Fri Dec 16, 2016 6:28 pm UTC

Granted. Your muscles are ten times stronger than the average 26'year'old man. Your bones, on the other hand, are not.

I wish that my salary was twice its current value.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Fri Dec 16, 2016 7:25 pm UTC

Granted. Before you earned X dollars/hour, now you earn 2X yen/hour.

I wish I could fly for free as often as I want on any airline I want.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby SirGabriel » Fri Dec 16, 2016 7:26 pm UTC

Granted. Before you earned X dollars/hour, now you earn 2X yen/hour.

I wish I could fly for free as often as I want on any airline I want.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby eran_rathan » Sun Dec 18, 2016 12:51 am UTC

Granted. Only in the cargo hold.

I wish my salary was twice its current value in dollars, and the dollar remains at its current purchasing power versus the pound, euro, and yen.
"Trying to build a proper foundation for knowledge is blippery."
"Squirrels are crazy enough to be test pilots."
"Google tells me you are not unique. You are, however, wrong."
nɒʜƚɒɿ_nɒɿɘ

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby thunk » Sun Dec 18, 2016 12:31 pm UTC

Due to a series of strange events, each of these currencies hyperimflate relative to the ruble.

I wish it wasn't either too hot or cold right now.
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Mon Dec 19, 2016 4:45 pm UTC

Granted. You are too hot and too cold at the same time.

I wish for a good breakfast.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby Quizatzhaderac » Mon Dec 19, 2016 8:43 pm UTC

Granted, the breakfast is "good" in the sense that it's moral.
It's "moral" in that it doesn't create an urge to masturbate.

I wish for the end of the world (as we know it)
The thing about recursion problems is that they tend to contain other recursion problems.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby ucim » Tue Dec 20, 2016 4:20 am UTC

Granted. Donald Trump is elected president of the United States.

I wish I knew all major human languages.

Jose
Order of the Sillies, Honoris Causam - bestowed by charlie_grumbles on NP 859 * OTTscar winner: Wordsmith - bestowed by yappobiscuts and the OTT on NP 1832 * Ecclesiastical Calendar of the Order of the Holy Contradiction * Please help addams if you can. She needs all of us.

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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby bug sniper » Thu Dec 22, 2016 7:44 am UTC

Granted, but everyone everywhere, in whatever language they speak, think you're a spy. You can't stop talking with suspicious foreign accents, so everyone wants to lock you up or kill you.

I wish for an indestructible nuclear bomb shelter that I can use.
Carry the black torch! Rouse the idle dead!
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Re: Corrupt-a-wish

Postby thunk » Thu Dec 22, 2016 6:19 pm UTC

Granted. The door breaks when testing and you're trapped.

I wish I had moar tea.
Free markets, free movement, free plops
Blitz on, my friends Quantized, GnomeAnne, and iskinner!
troo dat


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