Fake Spoilers

For all your silly time-killing forum games.

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keozen
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Fake Spoilers

Postby keozen » Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:05 am UTC

Post amusing fake spoilers for popular movies/books/tv series, etc.

The more amusing the better.

First example has to be:

Spoiler:
snape kills trinity with Rosebud


And my first contribution is:

Spoiler:
Hiro accidentally travels back in time, finding himself in a garden of un-natural beauty. He's hungry so he picks an apple from a tree, just managing to avoid the serpent in it's branches. Then for some reason a huge thunderstorm starts out of nowhere.
Image

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Moo » Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:08 am UTC

Spoiler:
The monster in Cloverfields is a pack of giant disgruntled TV writers who want more money from Internet royalties.
Proverbs 9:7-8 wrote:Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return. Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt. So don't bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you.
Hawknc wrote:FFT: I didn't realise Proverbs 9:7-8 was the first recorded instance of "haters gonna hate"

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Zohar » Wed Feb 06, 2008 10:14 am UTC

Spoiler:
Snakes on a Plane is actually a modern version of the diaries of Anne Frank. Really!
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby keozen » Wed Feb 06, 2008 11:46 am UTC

Spoiler:
And it turns out that the entire film Bruce Willis was a Ghost from Starcraft, when he realises he just paints the kid with a laser, the nuke comes and film over.
Image

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Zohar
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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Zohar » Wed Feb 06, 2008 12:18 pm UTC

Spoiler:
In the last chapter, God says "Oh to hell with this shit" and uses science to make the universe.
Mighty Jalapeno: "See, Zohar agrees, and he's nice to people."
SecondTalon: "Still better looking than Jesus."

Not how I say my name

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Moo
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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Moo » Wed Feb 06, 2008 12:36 pm UTC

Spoiler:
The Battlestar Galactica eventually evades the cylons and finds Earth but what they didn't know was that every time they did an ftl jump, they moved in time as well - too small a discrepancy to be noticed in their immediate surroundings but the wave of distortion it creates, moves outward from their point and the further it moves the more the effect is multiplied. So when they get to earth they've actually gone so far back in time that the planet is populated by primitive ape-like creatures who would probably be pretty keen on the idea of harnassing fire if they could grasp the concept.

[obscure reference]Scrabble, anyone?[/obscure reference]
Proverbs 9:7-8 wrote:Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return. Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt. So don't bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you.
Hawknc wrote:FFT: I didn't realise Proverbs 9:7-8 was the first recorded instance of "haters gonna hate"

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby madjo » Mon Feb 11, 2008 1:06 pm UTC

Spoiler:
In The Bourne Ultimatum, Jason Bourne changes in a huge monster and threatens to destroy New York. He eventually climbs the Empire State building, while holding Nicky Parsons and fighting off the black helicopters.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Matthias » Mon Feb 11, 2008 2:08 pm UTC

Spoiler:
Chell is actually Princess No-Knees.
Love may be blind, but lust has x-ray vision.
Avatar shamelessly plucked from PMOG.

Also, it turns out I'm not dead--I'm just a right bastard who disappears from the internet for months at a time every so often.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby keozen » Mon Feb 11, 2008 2:37 pm UTC

Spoiler:
Chewbacca is Luke's Brother
Image

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Chrismclegless » Mon Feb 11, 2008 4:18 pm UTC

Spoiler:
In Die Hard 4, Bruce Willis dies in a traffic accident involving a helicopter.
Londo: Maybe it was something I said?
G'Kar: Maybe it is everything you say.

How tasty is YOUR brain?

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Jahoclave » Mon Feb 11, 2008 5:01 pm UTC

Spoiler:
Mario and Link say fuck it and let the princesses stay kidnapped.

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keozen
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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby keozen » Tue Feb 12, 2008 2:24 pm UTC

Spoiler:
Peach is actually in EVERY castle but sometimes dresses up as Toad to test Mario's love.
Image

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Quadropus » Wed Feb 20, 2008 12:33 am UTC

Spoiler:
Pulp Fiction is actually in chronological order!
Image

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby madjo » Mon Feb 25, 2008 4:43 pm UTC

Spoiler:
In 'Next' Nicholas Cage's character can only look into the past.


Spoiler:
In 'Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves' Robin Hood dies after a freak accident involving bow and arrows.


Spoiler:
Backdraft: the fire was quickly under control. It took the firemen just 15 minutes to extinguish the fires and the declare the area safe again.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby PhantomReality » Mon Feb 25, 2008 8:08 pm UTC

Spoiler:
A smoky polar bear erupts from Lok's chest during the last episode of lost, kate sawyer and jack have a threesome , Sawyer scowls and makes every woman in the world orgasm at once, and then Hurley Turns out to be the mastermind behind the entire series of events and "the others" are hired actors bent on creating a realistic experience for everybody on the island but who give up half way because they realize that an absurd number of ridiculous plot twists that only create more questions and never answer old ones ultimately lead to a never ending story that SOMEHOW STILL CAPTURES THE PUBLICS IMAGINATION.......I hate Lost.
DROP ACID NOT BOMBS.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby madjo » Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:40 pm UTC

Spoiler:
The others in "The Others" are actually dead people.


Spoiler:
Soylent green are processed green peas
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby grythyttan » Tue Feb 26, 2008 3:44 pm UTC

madjo wrote:
Spoiler:
Soylent green are processed green peas


Spoiler:
People are actually processed soylent green.


Spoiler:
God created the world in thirty-eight days, but the editor thought that it was too much text and cut it down to seven. This explains why platypuses are not explained in the bible.
Joy of Cooking was far less of an achievement than Thyme Cube discovery, for I have Cubed the Spice, with 4 simultaneous flavor types in 1 plant of Earth.
Spoiler:
Image

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby madjo » Tue Feb 26, 2008 4:31 pm UTC

Spoiler:
The hero in DareDevil is actually deaf.


Spoiler:
Lex Luthor is Superman.


Spoiler:
In Die Hard 1, the goal of the heist is not a mere theft, but a plan to conquer the earth one building at a time.


Spoiler:
In the Sixth Sense, the boy is actually insane and can't really see dead people.


Spoiler:
Ghost: Whoopy Goldberg's character was just a con-artist, the floating coin was just a trick with a tiny wire.



Spoiler:
I'm having way too much fun with this game
:P
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Moo » Tue Feb 26, 2008 5:15 pm UTC

Spoiler:
Madjo is a self-aware bot in an infinite Forum Games loop
Proverbs 9:7-8 wrote:Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return. Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt. So don't bother correcting mockers; they will only hate you.
Hawknc wrote:FFT: I didn't realise Proverbs 9:7-8 was the first recorded instance of "haters gonna hate"

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby madjo » Tue Feb 26, 2008 6:19 pm UTC

Spoiler:
The cake is not a lie, it really is delicious, and GLaDOS is really not out to kill you.


though it is true that I'm spending more time on this part of the forum then anywhere else, but that's just because I'm not smart enough for the other forums, I'm just afraid I'm not witty enough for this one. ;)
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby saxything43 » Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:56 pm UTC

Spoiler:
Hobbes is a REAL tiger.


Spoiler:
The Incredible Hulk's incredibly large muscles are compensating for something.


Spoiler:
Voldemort IS James Potter.
This post brought you to by the number 42.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby ekzrated » Tue Feb 26, 2008 8:38 pm UTC

Spoiler:
Bill Murray actually was Scarlett Johanson's lover, just before the zombies took over Tokyo. Scarlett turns into a super-warrior, and Bill Murray finds a cure to the virus. After fighting with the Sarlaac Monster, the world is safe.
I'M MY OWN CASE-STUDY!!!!!!

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby MFHodge » Tue Feb 26, 2008 8:42 pm UTC

Image
Image

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Skateside » Tue Feb 26, 2008 9:14 pm UTC

Spoiler:
Mid-way through the seventh day, Jack Bauer is rolling a ciggarette when he gets called with another world-threatening situation, snaps and goes on a killing spree
Skateside:
Spoiler:
Mercurius wrote: = internet forum hero
studyinserendipity wrote: - impressive!!
krynd wrote:: awesome
d3c31t wrote:... you are amazing
Daria wrote:Shall I attempt further heights of ego-enflation?

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby The Hyphenator » Tue Feb 26, 2008 9:56 pm UTC

VTHodge wrote:
Image

You, sir, have made my day.



Um, I can't think of a spoiler. Crap.
The image link changes whenever I find a new cool website.
Spoiler:
Image

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Jorpho » Wed Feb 27, 2008 2:21 am UTC

Got one!

Spoiler:
Ender's parents come in and announce that the whole thing has just been a self-esteem building exercise for some Very Special Little Boys and Girls, and if they just walk out the airlock they'll find the yellow school bus waiting to take them home.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby '; DROP DATABASE;-- » Thu Feb 28, 2008 2:10 am UTC

VTHodge wrote:
Image
Internet won. Play again? [Y/N]

Spoiler:
Tsukasa is actually an NPC that's suddenly become self-aware.
(And that's the second time today I've looked up a .hack character on Wikipedia for a Forum Games post. O_o)
Spoiler:
The princess is in the 6th castle.
Spoiler:
Link obtains the Triforce in OoT after winning a race on horseback.
poxic wrote:You suck. And simultaneously rock. I think you've invented a new state of being.

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madjo
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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby madjo » Thu Feb 28, 2008 12:11 pm UTC

'; DROP DATABASE;-- wrote:
Spoiler:
Tsukasa is actually an NPC that's suddenly become self-aware.
(And that's the second time today I've looked up a .hack character on Wikipedia for a Forum Games post. O_o)

.Hack and Tsukasa FTW! :)
Though I kinda liked Mimiru better than Subaru. :)

euh euh spoiler... (not related to .hack//sign)
Spoiler:
Captain Jack Harness is an undead timelord out to destroy Earth
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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ekzrated
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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby ekzrated » Fri Feb 29, 2008 12:18 am UTC

Spoiler:
As the four siblings go through the wardrobe, they run into the back panel. The professor chides them and kickes them out onto the street and tells them to get off their lawn. The end.
I'M MY OWN CASE-STUDY!!!!!!

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michaelandjimi
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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby michaelandjimi » Fri Feb 29, 2008 11:53 am UTC

Spoiler:
Janeane Garofalo is in the Mafia

P.S. I love HHGTTG too :)

Edited because I suck at spelling.
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Dobblesworth
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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Dobblesworth » Sat Mar 01, 2008 12:39 am UTC

Spoiler:
Ganondorf is really Link's father.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Koriina » Sat Mar 01, 2008 1:38 am UTC

Spoiler:
It takes 392 licks to get to the center of a blue tootsie roll pop. For reals.
"It won't fit there."

. . .

"Not legally."

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby '; DROP DATABASE;-- » Sat Mar 01, 2008 5:52 am UTC

Spoiler:
The following is on topic.

madjo wrote:.Hack and Tsukasa FTW! :)
Though I kinda liked Mimiru better than Subaru. :)
I kinda got the idea Mimiru and Subaru were supposed to be hot, but I didn't find they were. :-/ Tsukasa is an awesome character though.

Anyway:
Spoiler:
The last boss in Luigi's Mansion is a raptor.
poxic wrote:You suck. And simultaneously rock. I think you've invented a new state of being.

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madjo
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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby madjo » Mon Mar 03, 2008 12:12 pm UTC

well, if we start spoilering video games
Spoiler:
Mario and Bowser are actually brothers, who are working as a team, one to kidnap the princess, and the other to 'rescue' her. *wink wink*


Back to movies:
Spoiler:
In Jackie Brown, the money gets returned to Ordell, and Jackie gets killed.


Spoiler:
In Pulp Fiction, Jules and Vince get killed by the student that stole the briefcase from Marcellus Wallas, right before Jules wants to deliver his Ezekiel 25:17 speech. The end.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

xabram
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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby xabram » Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:28 pm UTC

Spoiler:
In Pulp Fiction, the briefcase contains the internet from 1994, before it was overtaken by evil.



Spoiler:
Both Link and Young Link are included in Super Smash Bros not because they are the same person 7 years apart, but because young link is in fact Link and Samus's illegitimate child.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Felstaff » Mon Mar 03, 2008 1:58 pm UTC

Spoiler:
Dan Brown's new novel is awesome, with excellent prose, three-dimensional characters, unexpected, original twists and no pseudo-intellectual cryptography.
Spoiler:
Debbie Does Dallas ends with the phrase 'I am your father'
Away, you scullion! you rampallion! You fustilarian! I'll tickle your catastrophe.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby madjo » Mon Mar 03, 2008 3:07 pm UTC

Felstaff wrote:
Spoiler:
Dan Brown's new novel is awesome, with excellent prose, three-dimensional characters, unexpected, original twists and no pseudo-intellectual cryptography.
hehehe ZING!

Spoiler:
In 2001: A Space Odyssey, HAL was a happy fun computer, incapable of killing people or locking people out in space.
:)

You are carrying:
- a slightly paranoid Android
- two left feet (not my own)
- a still unfed and very hungry hippo
- broadsword of +5 ridiculousness stained with the blood of the undead souls
- a stetson Resistol, cuz stetson Resistols are cool.

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keozen
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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby keozen » Mon Mar 03, 2008 4:06 pm UTC

Spoiler:
The cake is a Thai (takeaway)
Image

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Jorpho
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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby Jorpho » Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:32 am UTC

Spoiler:
Deckard is actually a Terminator, and the Tyrell Corporation is just a front for Skynet.

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Re: Fake Spoilers

Postby SlyReaper » Tue Mar 04, 2008 1:54 am UTC

Spoiler:
The smoke monster is actually Hurley's fart, he's just been too embarrassed to say anything about it.


Spoiler:
JD is in fact the father of Jordan's child. They lied to Dr Cox to preserve his ego.


Spoiler:
In the final episode, Dr House tap dances. Turns out he was faking the bad leg to get vicodin. Bastard.
Image
What would Baron Harkonnen do?


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